Just Listed!

Just when I thought that every minute of footage ever recorded by a camcorder was on the Internet and I plan a blog post accordingly, I find that no, the internet only has stupid videos that no one wants to wants to waste their time watching, like this one:

 

Wow, that was AMAZING!

 

There is a four minute video of a safety cone, but the HGTV commercials I wanted to use are nowhere. It's like they were abducted by aliens and now some green guys from Mars are watching them instead of you. Sigh. I will just have to describe them to you; but hey! I'm a writer so that shouldn't be so hard, should it?

 So my favorite TV show is HGTV's House Hunters and House Hunters International. Some may say that watching strangers shop for a house is just about as boring as watching a safety cone, but I love houses! I love architecture, the decor, the color schemes, the locations. There is something interesting about every city across the world: even Butte, MT! I especially love House Hunters International, as it might be the only way I ever get to see the rest of the world. (Except for when Anne takes me on a Rhine River cruise.)

Anywho, House Hunters runs a series of commercials where the actors describe themselves as if they are a house on the market. For example, a bearded, burly man in flannel talks about himself as if he's a rustic log cabin in the woods. My favorite is a mom in a disastrously messy house and she says something along the lines of, "but on the inside, I'm still that same immaculate 4 bedroom colonial," and then she gets bonked in the head with a soccer ball.

Have you ever thought that houses are a reflection of who we are? Of course, if you are renting a cinder block apartment, that might not be the case, but when you buy a house, you search for something that is "you." This is especially true for any lucky soul who gets to build their dream home.

But for the rest of us living in the real world, sometimes our homes (or ourselves) are not quite as dreamy and perfect as we would like. But we have a lot of good to work with. So here is your challenge. You might need to think about it for a minute or two. Write a sales description as if YOU were a house that was just listed on the market. You need to tell us what style house you are, what your best features are, and any inadequacies the house may have. But! You want the house to sell, so you need to sugarcoat! Be nice to your house! So remember: you are describing YOU, not the place where you currently live. You are answering this question: if you were a house, what would you be like?

Here is my sales description:

Charming Craftsman Bungalow
Solid foundation, quality construction
Warm and inviting
Many creative, quirky nooks and crannies.
Showing some cosmetic signs of aging, but structurally sound
Bats/cobwebs abundant in the attic
Has nice curb appeal, but the front porch is sagging slightly
Cleans up well, but you must call before viewing!

OK, your turn. Sell me your house!