Merry Christmas friends!

I feel sad that I don't have a gift to give each of you. In fact, it makes me feel kinda rude. Sorry. But it doesn't mean that I don't love every single one of you! It just means that my generosity isn't in accordance with my budget. It also means that I didn't write a book this year to give away for free to y'all. :( ' ' '' '3  (Those are tears all the way down to my toes. But those don't look like my toes. Sorry about that. There's an image that will be burned in your mind FOREVER.)

Maybe this will help erase it:

Wasn't it beautiful last week? But then it got ridiculously warm (45!) and it turned to mush, just like my brain. It's not a pretty sight. (In both cases.)

Here's the prize for one lucky winner for this month:

Isn't it cute? Sadly you won't get to use it much this year, but there's always next year. And the next. And the next. And the next. And the chalk isn't included. Sorry. Again. (I'm overly apologetic. Sorry about that.) But! You might--just might--get some homemade treats to go along with this prize. Assuming I can stop searching for recipes on Pinterest and actually make something.

Random.org selected week #2 (last week) and then from the 3 original comments, it selected comment #1! Jenna, you da weener! Wahoo! I'd say you are about due to win again, wouldn't you? I'll be getting it in the mail just as soon as you can say "ho ho ho!"

Have a very happy happy everyone! I hope your holiday is filled with family, friends, beautiful music and lots of fattening food. Love y'all!

Not Naughty, Not Nice. Gift please?

About this time of the year, the old guy has already made his list, and now he's checking it twice. Have you been naughty, or have you been really nice?

 Do you wonder about those terms? Naughty and nice are so very opposite. Is there really no in-between? That's almost like Santa checking his list to see if anyone has committed any heinous crimes or written any boring nursery rhymes. Don't you think it would be better if the entire Santa giftage was on a token economy system, based on your number of good deeds versus the number of misdeeds? (Deeds and misdeeds rhyme, FYI. Watch out Seuss. I'm hot on your tail.) For example, if you tripped a small child, didn't help an old lady with her groceries, and wrestled with alligators at a public zoo, that would be 3 demerits. But let's say that during that same year you taught a child how to read, sang in a flash mob at the Mall of America, didn't have any library fines, AND you save a capuchin monkey from starvation, you get 5 merits. (An extra point for the monkey. Becuase monkeys are cute.) Then instead of getting a lump of coal (I remember when my dad's friend gave him a little bucket of coal that was actually black liquorice, which he loves, and a little chisel that you had to use to chip off the liquorice. Now THAT was a great white elephant gift. BTW, just looking at the spelling of liquorice. Hmm, I wonder if that's why my dad likes it so much. JUST KIDDING DAD! I know you only like the kind that's spelled licorice.) you would get a gift worth 2 merits, or $20, which is a whole lot better than nothin'! Why hasn't Santa thought of this?


Is it possibly because it's too complicated? Or is it possibly because it doesn't scare small children enough? The threat of getting nothin' for Christmas is pretty huge. But $20? That's 20 things from the dollar store! (Me smart at math.) I know a lot of kids who would think that's pretty awesome.

So it's back to naughty or nice. Which were you as a child? Did you ever have fears that you were on Santa's naughty list? (If you aren't careful typing, you might accidentally type Satan instead of Santa. That's super weird.) (If you aren't careful when typing Lori you might accidentally type Loir. That's not super weird. It's super pathetic. I should be able to spell my name right, but like I said, math is my best skill set.)

I can't remember exactly, but I think I was slightly ornery as a child. I do remember throwing several large tantrums. I also remember hitting a kind lady who tried to help me when I was lost in the mall. (Stranger danger!) I told a few fibs--usually when I didn't want to fess up to doing something wrong in the first place. Like the time I cut myself on the face and I said I tripped on a stick. I can't remember what I was really doing that was forbidden, but it did result in me getting injured, just like I'm sure my mom predicted. Then there was the time I told my SIL her waterbed must have sprung a leak, when that's not what had happened. (Yes, I was the one who sprung a leak. Are you happy that I humiliated myself by spelling that out for ya?) Other than those tiny episodes of misbehavior, I think I was generally nice. (OH, and except for the time I yelled obscenities like "blondie go fart!" out of the window, directed at the neighbor's backyard BBQ. I was misguided by my older sister and her friend.) (If you are not careful when typing OH, you accidentally spell HO! Which is such a super awesome coincidence that it just makes me merry, merry, merry!)

Got this from here. Cute! Somebody crafty should make it. 

Are you ready to tell on your childhood self? What naughtyness did you participate in? Or were you polishing your halo even as a child?

You may also tell on any of your children if you so desire. Do you threaten them with being on the naughty list? Have any of them ever gotten nothing more than a lump of coal? Do tell!

Looking At Gift Horses and Other Gift Animals

HELLO! How was your Thanksgiving? Mine was a Tanksgiving, as I ate tanks and tanks of food. My amazing sis-in-law made enough food to feed all of Montana. Not even joking. And I ate all the food that was supposed to feed Western Montana. Not even joking. My intestines are still in distress. But I digress ...

We are now supposed to talk about CHRISTMAS! (Woot, woot!)

Beautiful SLC at Christmas, via LDS media library. 

I don't like the holidays. I love the holidays. (That's what my daughter just said. And then her brother said, "If you love it, then why don't you marry it? Ah, siblings.) I love the twinkly lights. The smell of cinnamon and evergreen. The holiday parties and festivities. The music. Oh, the music! Holy hallelujah!

But do you know what makes me lose the holiday spirit quicker than you can say "My sister-in-law makes banana split jam?" CHRISTMAS SHOPPING.

Yes, I loathe Christmas shopping. I'm skittish in big crowds. I'm not a fan of spending money. I'm highly indecisive. Can you see how Christmas shopping is not my forte? (What is my forte, I ask of you? What. Is. It. Question mark, question mark, question mark.)

Also, this year's Black Turkey really annoyed me. Did you know that WalMart employees had to show up to work at 3:00 on Thanksgiving? Did you know that by Friday--as in Black Friday--the sales were over and the store was back to normal? Did you know that the good people in the kingdom northward don't have Black Friday, and therefore invaded our regions with their CARGO TRAILERS to load up on loot? I thank them for supporting our economy. (But I wait to thank them until they are back across the border.) (If I write that teeny, it's not offensive and therefore will not cause an international incident.)

I understand the thrill of the hunt for awesome bargains--I too enjoy the feeling of accomplishment when I get something for next-to-nothing. But I don't understand the need to buy everything. Do we really need SO much stuff? It makes me sad when my kids make their enormous Dear Santa letters with outlandish items, like an ATV. In 12 YO's defense, he did ask for it for the entire family. However, he didn't specify the size, so I will likely have Santa bring him this:

My children should realize that they need to be specific. Details, details.

Two children asked for life-sized stuffed animals, which I'll admit, are much better than real life animals. But then I found this online:

For just $490, this life sized goat can be yours! His name is Dan and he even has udders! (I'm confused. Are you?) You want to buy him, no? Click here. Tell them Lori sent you.

Who spends that kind of loot on a toy that does absolutely nothing? Shouldn't it at least be mechanical? Although then it would just run out of batteries or break and die in a couple of weeks, so never mind!
 
What have you seen out there that is the biggest waste of your hard-earned money? (Or your hard-stolen money, whichever may be the case.) I personally vote for the Snuggie, even though it's been out for a few years and even though it's not going to cause a huge dent in your wallet. But hello, why not just wear your robe backwards? Duh.

 We don't go for any of that nonsense around here.We just give the kids socks and underwear. They get giddy with excitement. Just kidding, kinda. We do give them NEEDS as well as a few fun WANTS. But still, by the time we get all of the gifts under the tree, it looks like wrapping paper ralphing. What works for you? How do you keep your loved ones (mainly children) from being Greedy McCreedy at Christmas time? Do you find that you become Greedia McCreedy? I do. The best way for me not to be worldly is to not go shopping, yet, when I have to go shopping, I see all the sparkly stuff and I think I WANT I WANT I WANT. How do you avoid this?

And how do you find the perfect something for each person on your list? Miss Paulashawn is the queen of thoughtful gifts. She even contacted a little bike shop in Germany that shared her surname to find a personalized gift for her Shawn. Isn't she sweet? I'm more of a last second, it was on sale, so here you go kind of gal. Teach me. How do I be more thoughtful? (Please don't tell me that the first step is to get a brain, because that could really be a problem.) Do you have a favorite thoughtful gift that you have given or received? The only one that we totally nailed was when we found the sign that was on my grandparent's gas station, bearing our surname, at a antique gas memorabilia place and gave it to my padre. That was a fantastic find. I hope I am willed that sign. (Hint hint)

Let's talk giftage! How do you do it? Tutor me. Help me not become a Grinch. Or a Who. (Ward party theme this year! I'm lovin it.)

We'll only have 2 regular posts this month: this week and the next. Prize winner will be announced Tues, December 17th. So don't delay: comment today!