The State of the Blog Address, Part Deux

My prayers go out to all the families affected by the tornado in Oklahoma yesterday. So, so sad. :'(
Zach Sobiech (from last week's video) passed away yesterday as well. What an amazing kid to touch so many lives, and I'm glad we talked about what we did, even if it was difficult. Now on to this week's lighter, fluffier topic! (That sounds a lot like chocolate mousse! Yum! See, things are better already!)

Two years! Can you believe it? Honestly, I can't! I was really worried that I'd start this blog and then lose steam after a week or two and never get back to it. I have so much faith in myself, don't I? But here we are, 170 posts and 1300 comments later! THANKS Y'ALL! The success of this blog is due to you guys and your patience, endurance, support and forgiveness. That sounds like the definition of a saint, and it's all too true: I hereby promote each of you to SAINT status. That means you can pick your own day where we celebrate YOU!

I'm so proud that I've never had an offensive comment left on my blog, nor has anyone ever attacked me or any other commenter. I know that's really rare and again, it's all due to my amazing readers. Sadly, I may have offended my commenters a time or two in my pathetic attempts to be funny and/or promote sibling rivalry. I need to be more saintly like the rest of you guys. I will not be awarded my own day of commemoration anytime soon.

The internet says that blogging is even more dead than it was last year when I asked the all important question: IS BLOGGING DEAD? But guess what? I don't care what the internet says! As long as I enjoy blogging, I will continue to do so, even if it's no longer the hot spot of social media. How about you guys? Will you continue to blog? Read blogs? Or have you found that spend you less time with Blogger and more time on other social media sites?

What Blogaway topics were your favorites this past year? What would you like to see more of? Anyone feeling an itch to do a guest post? :)

And ... summer is upon us. Yay! I LOVE summer, and I know we all want to be outside and away from our laptops so ... Blogaway is going on hiatus for the summer. WHAT? Just kidding. I wanted to see if that gave anyone a panic attack. But, I do want to move to an every-other week format for the summer. Rather than taking weeks off when it's convenient for me and possibly not for you, I thought this might be a better option. This way if you are on vacation for a week when there is a post, you can still come back the next week and catch up. I'll still do a prize giveaway once a month; every time you see the second post for the month, you will know to check back on Thursday to see who won that month. And you'll only have to comment two times a month to be qualified. Easy peasy lemon squeezy! Since next week is a holiday week, we'll start by taking that week off.  I'll try and post a calendar somewhere on the blog so you know when to watch for posts and we will move back to the normal format in September. That sound fair to everyone? (BTW, if you are reading The Mae Project, I will still post weekly until I'm out of things to teach about, which might be in a few weeks or it might be never. You just never know with me, do you?)

I think there's about 200 questions for you in this blog, so you better get busy answering them. Once you tell me about your blogging preferences and suggest some fun topics and such, you do have to  answer this: since you are now a saint, what day of the year do you pick to celebrate YOU? And once you have your day scheduled on the calendar: what do you want the general population to do to celebrate your sainthood? Will there be a parade? Will there be a gift exchange? A feast? A nap? It's your holiday! Make it fun for us!

Since I'm not a saint yet, I don't get to give you an example of what St. Lori's day would be like, but I will say that when I learn to be like you guys and therefore do get to sainthood, I would like my day to be laundry free, have all pets banned to the great outdoors, and children would not fight: no, not even once! Plus, an endless chocolate fountain for everyone! Sounds like a good day to me. :)

And here's a big hug from me to you! Thanks Blogaway friends!

Words to Live By

Goodish Morning! Sorry for the delay: we were without power, both last night and this morning! Wind + trees + powerlines = family fun! Did you know when you have well water instead of city water that when the power is out, you lose water also? See what I mean by family fun? Anyway: 

There's a topic that I've wanted to discuss for a long time, but then I chicken out because I don't want everyone thinking that I'm morbid. Or that I have a death wish. But I'm not going to worry about that anymore. Today, we are going to talk about death.

I don't know why I worry that it's such a taboo topic. We all die eventually. I guess it's the worry that the eventually might be sooner rather than later. But have you ever wondered how you would live your life differently if you knew you might not live to be a ripe old age? (Which age is considered ripe BTW? I am getting sun spots on my face. Bananas get spots when they go ripe. Does that mean I am beginning to "ripen?")

I spoke with a woman once who had become a second wife and a step-mother to a large family after their mother had lost a long bout with cancer. The woman said it was difficult to become a part of their household because they were accustomed to neglecting day-to-day details and focusing more on the fun, happy things of life. Housework, for example, was not a priority because the terminally ill mother didn't want to waste her time cleaning when she could be playing with her kids instead. That's interesting, because I think if I knew I was dying, I would clean my house more. I wouldn't want to pass away and then have people come clean up my mess. And I would worry that after I was gone, those left behind would grumble that I didn't know how to properly get rid of hard water stains. Isn't that silly?

If I knew my time was limited, I hope I would be more inclined to just sit and visit with people instead of worrying about all the stuff that needs done. I hope I would play with my children more. I hope I would be more focused and not get distracted by texting and the internet. I hope I would worry less about superficial things like how to get longer eyelashes and how to get rid of cellulite. I hope I would be less concerned about what others were thinking of my actions. I hope I would be more compassionate and I hope I would give of my heart more freely.

And on the fun side, if I knew my time was limited, I would want to go whitewater rafting. I would stay in the sun as long as I wanted without worrying about wrinkles and skin cancer. I would jump on the trampoline instead of fixing dinner. I would rent an RV and travel across America, visiting family and long lost friends and seeing the beauty of God's creations. I would have dentures put it so I could chew all the ice I wanted. I would get all my family photos put in scrapbooks for each of my children so they could have lasting memories. I would stay up late every night so I could finish writing all the books I want to write, and would hope that my words would be a treasure to everyone left behind. I would laugh, hug, love.

How would your life be different if you knew the Grim Reaper was hanging out just outside your door? (You wouldn't be reading my blog today, that's for sure!) What would you worry more about? What things would no longer be a stress or a concern to you?

If you have some extra time this week, you need to watch this. It's touching and inspiring. My son's 5th grade class has been following Zack's story this year and my son and one of his friends are singing "Fix Me Up" at the school talent show today. I love how the internet makes it possible for people we've never even met to touch our lives. Let's all take his words to heart: "You don't have to be dying to start living." 

Book 'Em!

Let's talk about something fun this week! Books! Who doesn't like books? (That was rhetorical. We don't want the names of people who don't like books because then someone might egg their house!) I know we've talked about books before, but we haven't for awhile, and I want to know: what are you guys reading right now? Anything good?

I got to see this book art exhibit at BYU a few years ago. Inconceivable! (Really!)

I'm finally reading The Five Love Languages and I'm learning that I have the same problem with those languages as I do with English. (No comprehendo mucho.) Great book though. The other book I enjoyed recently was also non-fiction, which is odd because that's not typically my genre, but I loved The Gift of An Ordinary Day by Katrina Kenison. (Thanks to my gifting and extraordinary friend bigskyboys! And bigskyboys can now thank me for mentioning that book because now she doesn't have to leave a comment, since it is her recent favorite too.)

As far as novels, I've really struck out lately. I've been reading a lot of books set in the early 1900's, and so far nothing has jumped out at me. That's because the world is waiting for my next awesome book with a butt load of Gilded Age history to knock them off their feet. How long will the world have to wait for that untitled book? FOREVER. I don't know how to be productive anymore.

What books have wowed you lately? I want to read something that I just can't put down. I want to read something that makes me think of the characters for days or weeks afterwords. Can you guys recommend anything?

How about novellas? I've read a bunch lately, and I can't say I'm a huge fan. I like a more complicated plot and you just can't have that in a novella.

Just found this website with art that is carved into books. Again, inconceivable! Love, love, love!

What are your favorite books of all time? What genre is your favorite? What makes you like a character? What makes you stop reading a book and never have the desire to pick it up again? When was the last time you stayed up well into the night to finish a book? Do you still read on paper or have you gone paperless? How many books do you read a month? Do you always have a book with you?

Tell us all about your reading habits and tell us all about what books you love. And this is for posterity. I'm teaching a mini-class at a retreat this weekend all about books. I really want to share your favorites with everyone!

And, other friends who write--in case you missed it, check out my new blog The Mae Project, where I can show you what I did wrong in my first novel. Clicky clicky. 

Winning Trees

Weird week, huh? I'm not sure what's to blame for the sluggishness of the blog traffic, but I have a few theories.

1. No one wants a paperback book that is about trees when, ya know, trees died to make the paperback. Oh the irony!
2. There was an internet outage throughout 1/3 of the Western United States.
3. No one likes to listen to whining/complaining/boohooing.
4. Everyone is staying off the internet so they don't accidentally read Iron Man 3 spoilers.
5. It's just a fluke

Just so you know, I always, always appreciate the time you guys spend reading, comment or no comment, and I completely understand when you don't have time to read or comment. I have a hard time keeping up with all the blogs I love to visit too! Thank you from the bottom of my keyboard (where your treasure is there will be your heart also) for making the time for me. You guys are the best!

Before I tell you who the winners are (Jenna and Nicole, you were neck and neck there for a while), I'm going to tell you about that other thing. I recently read through the first novel I wrote, which was completed more than a decade ago! I had hopes of revising it and getting it ready for publication, but guess what? IT IS TERRIBLE! I mean TERRIBLE! It was a true practice novel. But rather than just putting it back on the shelf to gather more dust--or worse, dousing it in lighter fluid and putting it on the grill--I realized that the book can still be good for something. I can use it to teach how NOT to write a novel. So, starting today, there will be a post every week with a different lesson in writing. But not on this blog! Oh no, that would be too confusing! It's on this blog right here. And I'll add a linky to it somewhere yet to be determined that will always stay on the blog background.

I realize that this new blog isn't for everyone. It's only for the coolest of the cool. (Sorry, I couldn't resist.) It's for aspiring authors or anyone who is interested in the mechanics of writing. If this topic doesn't interest you, no sweat! I won't feel bad if you don't read it. But surely you know someone who is interested in writing don't you? It's as common a hobby as making prom dresses out of duct tape. So be a share bear and spread the news!

OK, enough about me. It's back to you. Let's see who won the book written by ... ME! (I'm so narcissistic!)

I clicked Random.org twice to get our two winners ... and they are: #1 and #5. Wahoo Jenna and Team C! Although this makes me feel super bad for the other three who didn't win. How about I offer you guys the book at a discount? Email me if you want to take me up on the offer. But Jenna and Team C, I'll be sending your book in the mail shortly! (Hey Team C, didn't you just move? Shoot me a line with your new address!)

Thanks everyone for all the support!

Get A Job

Yo! S'up homegurls? (Have you ever realized that there's only so many original ways to start a blog post?)

Speaking of originality, do you know what 6 out of 7 people say when I tell them I'm an author? "Oh, maybe you'll be the next Stephenie Meyer!" The only comfort I find in this statement is that in the past, she was told that maybe she would be the next JK Rowling. It also makes me wonder if people tell JJ Abrams that maybe one day he'll be the next George Lucas.

 But none of that has anything to do with today's post. I just thought you should know about my pet peeve before you go and make me all peevish when you introduce me to your friends as "the next Stephenie Meyer." Which, thank you for putting me in the same league, but no thank you.

Today's post has to do with what the other 9 out of 10 people say when I tell them I'm an author. "Oh how fun!" I hate to burst anyone's bubble, but being an author really isn't "fun." It's certainly rewarding and fulfilling ... and sometimes downright enjoyable. But mostly, it's a lot of hard work. And a lot of anxiety.

I'll admit, writing used to be fun when it was just a hobby. But the moment I started putting my writing out there for honest and blunt critiques, it became a roller coaster ride of a relationship. I've had critiques that have had me so crippled that I second-guess every word I type. The one that said that I don't appear to "have an exceptional command of the English language" was particularly painful. If  English was my second language, I would have taken that as a compliment. I've had days (MANY days) where I've cried my eyes out and sworn that I'd never write again. But separating me from my overactive imagination is like separating oil from water. Oh wait, I guess that's the wrong analogy. It's like separating the peanut butter filling from the chocolate coating of a Reese's PB cup. It could be done, but it would be messy. And pointless.

Now that I've published books, there's also a lot of busywork that needs done. It takes a TON of time to get your book listed everywhere it needs to be, plus asking for reviews and tons of edits and so on and not so forth. So while the writing, in and of itself, can be amusing and gratifying, being an author is work. It's a job that is just as hard and real as any other out there.

There are jobs out there that I would consider fun. Like working at a circus. Actually, being part of the circus would be the fun job. Being a pooper scooper wouldn't be. Working at a Chuck E Cheese would be fun. Oh no, wait: I mean playing at a Chuck E Cheese would be fun. (If you are under the age 10.) I'm drawing a complete blank on other jobs that could be considered fun. What jobs do you guys think could be considered fun?

I feel like I'm being angsty. I'm not saying I hate my job. Not at all (at least not today)! I'm just trying to help clear up misconceptions related with my line of work. It's the same kind of misconception that people have with stay at home moms, who are lucky to not have to "work."

Speaking of hating jobs though ... have you ever had a job that you really hated? The one job that I couldn't tolerate was working at Little Caesars Pizza when I was 17. That smell didn't leave my nose for at least 6 months after I quit--and I only worked there for a few months. It was hot, messy and I think they use glue instead of gluten in the dough because it would only wash off my skin if I exfoliated with shark's teeth.

Where have you worked? What jobs have you loved/hated? Have you had a job that was pure FUN?

AND ... this will be the winning week for April. I'll tell you the prize right now, so you don't have to have any sleepless nights wondering what you could win. It's a paperback copy of The Reign of Trees. Finally! It will available for purchase on Amazon starting next Monday ... but YOU could be the first to win it! AND AND, I'm going to select 2 random winners this week, just because I'm nice like that.

But wait! There's more! I have a special project that I will be announcing on Thursday, so even if you don't care about winning, (that means you WANT to be a loser. Hmm, are you OK with that?) come back on Thursday to see what I'm up to. OK? OK!

A Real Hum Zinger

Did you know that in the brain, near the frontal lobe, is a special section that stores one-liners from movies. It's called the Zinger? Once a good one-liner is heard, it is stored in the Zinger and can never, ever be forgotten. The one-liners are then ready to be used at a moment's notice, and are most often used in an otherwise perfectly normal, intelligent conversation. There is no controlling when the one-liner is discharged, which can oftentimes make the conversation turn awkward, as the one-liner might not always be recognizable nor understood.

My Zinger contains many one-liners from Disney movies and the Princess Bride. In fact, I think my Zinger contains the entire Princess Bride script. I know, that's INCONCEIVABLE! The lines I say/think the most are:
No more rhymes, this time I mean it! (Anybody want a peanut?)
I'm not a witch, I'm your wife!
... And many more, which I'm sure I've already blessed you with reciting on the blog.
I'll spare you all the Disney Zingers, except for the one I think the most:
You are a sad, strange little man
The Little Rascals movie also has many lines tucked away in my Zinger.
I'm warming up my vocalizer. 
Then the clouds opened up and God said, "I hate you Alfalfa!"
And of course, I'll sell you my pickle for a nickle.
There are one-liners in my mind from movies I haven't even seen the entire way through:
I want my two dollars!
It's just a flesh wound. 
There's my go-to Zinger when I need to look at things more positively:
So you're saying there's a chance. 
There are the Zingers that have to be said with accents I can never duplicate:
You will not sneeze or barf or fart. 
Light Bulb
And These are my recreational clothes.
Then there's the Zingers that come from shorts on You Tube, like:
I'm in a yot of touble
And most recently:
I can't go back. It's so cold!
(That one you might have to watch.)

Were all the lines from my Zinger familiar to you or did it sound like I was quoting gibberish? How about your Zinger? Is it overflowing with knowledge or does it have a better filter on it than mine? Will you let us take a peek inside? It's for science!

And speaking of Despicable Me (2), can this just hurry up and get here already?! And my son should be proud his name is in this. He's famous!

It's the last week of the month and you know what that means: it means there should be a prize this week. BUT! I have something special in store and it's not ready yet, so we are going to wait and do the prize next week. I'll make it extra special since I'm making you wait for it and I might even give away more than one. I'll give you a hint what the prize is going to be: it rhymes with paperback. Yes, I'm giving away Elizabeth Hasselbeck! Wahoo! Or maybe it doesn't rhyme with paperback ... maybe it is a paperback. You'll just have to wait and see. But don't wait on sharing your one-liners. Do that right now. Go, go, go!

Can You Cheat a Fool?

Hello friendlies. I know your thoughts and prayers are with the people affected by the Boston Bombing, as are mine. Keep calm and carry on! BTW, did you know the history of that saying? Kinda cool that a failed propaganda slogan from 74 years ago has caught on like wildfire in our generation. It gives me hope that the awful, terrible, embarrassing book that I wrote 10 years ago will catch on in another 64 years. But I'll tell you more about that later--maybe next weekish.

We're going to do something short and simple this week, but it's something that I think will be super fun. Let's play the game Two Truths and a Lie!

In case you haven't played before, (do you live under a rock? Or under The Rock? That'd be weird.) here's the basic instructions: everyone has to come up with 3 statements about themselves; two statements are the unadulterated truth, and one is an all out lie.  Then we all guess which statement is the lie.

Since we're aren't all on the blog at the same time (Hey! There's an idea. Why don't we schedule an actual blog party and all come at the same time and chat? I'll bring the white chocolate popcorn.) you'll need to come back a few times. You'll want to guess other people's answers and then you'll want to come back sometime late Wednesday or on Thursday and tell us if we guessed right.

Many of us have never met, and some people we only see face to face once every few years, but we've all gotten to know each other here on the blog--which is very heartwarming and very awesome--so we should all know enough about each other to tell who has their pants on fire, right? And ... if you do know someone so well that you instantly know their lie, just skip theirs and place your bets on the other lists. OK?

Here's my list:

1. I chipped a tooth eating a candy bar I'd left in the freezer and was too desperate for chocolate to wait for it to thaw.
2. I skinny-dipped in mixed company at a family gathering. Clothes and towels left lying on the lawn were stolen by a tricky trickster.
3. I gave a friend a bottle of hairspray to use even though I knew it wasn't really hairspray but instead it was greasy skin lotion. Her hair looked like an oil slick. She didn't laugh.

Your turn. Come on and lie to me!