It all began in the Garden of Eden. Adam was minding his own business, planting rows of bland vegetables, when this beautiful woman appeared out of the thin air. Knowing that he needed to act quickly before another unclothed fellow snatched her up, he said, "Hey, want to come for dinner tonight? I thought we could share some ribs."
Ah ha. Ha.
Did you know that the there are more pick-up lines out there than there are cockroaches? It's true. Even if you're not a part of the dating scene, I'm sure you've heard enough to make you want to call the Exterminator. (He's single BTW. And he wears a uniform.)
Not all pick-up lines are created equal.
There's the sleazy/cheesy:
Do you drink milk? 'Cause it sure did your body good.
Is it hot in here or is it just you?
You can't break my heart because it melted when I first saw you.
You look cold. Want to use me as a blanket?
Then there's semi-cute/funny:
Do you have a BandAid? I just scraped my knee falling for you.
You're so beautiful that you made me forget my pickup line.
Do you like raisins? How about a date?
Then there's the clever/might just work:
Date me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Gertrude? (I know one person that this line wouldn't work on. Yes Grandma Gerdy, I'm talking about you.)
Do you think I need my library card? 'Cause I'm checking you out.
Here I am: what are your other two wishes?
Then there's the ones you'll laugh at if you are a Mormon/know a Mormon/want to date a Mormon:
What's a Celestial girl doing in a Telestial place like this?
I just got off my mission and I’m looking for my next companion.
The 13th Article of Faith requires me to ask you out. ("If there is anything virtuous, lovely or of good report, or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.")
And lastly, there's the ones that can't be found on Google because I'm going to make them up. These are the lines that I would like to hear this Valentine's Day:
Do you have a broom I could borrow? I want to sweep your floor.
I bought you bag of Dove Strawberry Creme Swirls.
Can I comb your hair?
Would you like to take a nap?
Hey, the house is really quiet. Do you want to spend the next hour writing?
I just sold all the animals and/or children.
As you can see, I'm not the hopeless romantic I proclaim to be, but those are the lines that really pick me up!
(Have you guys tried these? They are oh-so yummy! Hurry and buy a bag or two and stash them under your mattress. A real princess won't be able to tell when there's chocolate under
her mattress, I promise.)
What pick-up lines have you heard that make you laugh, gag, or slap someone in the face? If you can't think of any off the top of your pretty little head, by all means, Google them, BUT make sure you type in "clean" pick-up lines! My one about sweeping the floor is as dirty as we are going to get around here! We don't want anyone's eyeballs popping out, OK? And then, THIS IS A MUST, write some pick-up lines you would like someone to use on you. You ready to share some love? Go, go go!
9 comments:
I know I heard some doozies in my time, but I sadly have forgotten them all. I was a sucker for a good pick up line though. It's like one of my good friends once said--"Flattery is the way to a woman's heart", or something like that :).
Here are the funny ones I liked in my search:
Can I borrow your phone? I told my mom that I'd call her when I found the girl of my dreams.
I may need a map, because I'm lost in your eyes.
Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I need to walk by again?
That last one reminds me of the time my husband was meeting my grandma for the first time. He came into her home and went to give her a hug right away. She was a little more reserved than that and said "I don't usually give people hugs the first time I meet them." So he said, "Oh, okay, then I'll come back again for that later." He then walked right out her front door and walked right back in and gave her a hug. We all laughed.
Here are the pick up lines that would be sure to steal my heart:
I was thinking I could make the house spotless by the time you get back. Does that work for you?
Would you mind letting me cook the family meals for the rest of your life?
I had an itch to get creative in the kitchen so I made you these mint chocolate chip cookies that you don't have to share.
Can I give you a shoulder massage while we watch a chick flick together? I could do your feet too, if you want ;).
I'd like to wear the kids out at the zoo and the beach for you today. Would you like to stay home? I'll take you out to those two places later, just the two of us.
And my favorite line of all is:
"I love you."
LOVE that one!
Oh wait, one more that I love:
"No sabes cuánto te quiero besar." (You don't know how much I want to kiss you). Ha ha!
I swear I just heard a good one the other day and I can't remember it now! Dang!
Here are some I thought would be funny to hear:
"Are you a parking ticket? Cuz you've got fine written all over you."
"Did it hurt? .... When you fell from heaven?" (I actually have this one written in my yearbook from a friend)
"Baby did you fart, cause you blow me away!"
"Are you from Tennessee? Cause you're the only ten I see."
"Was your dad a baker? Cuz you've got the nicest set of buns I've ever seen" (I saw this one on pinterest last night!!!)
"Hey Girl, I just got back from my mission and I"m looking for my next companion."
"Hey girl, feel my sweater. Know what it's made of? Boyfriend material."
I LOVE the hey girl pins on pinterest and the mormon ones are a riot! But (and I may be blasted for this) they need to use someone other than just Ryan Gosling. He's just not my cup of tea.
Some pick up lines I'd like used on me... hmm...
Hey girl, I knew you had a long IEP meeting today, so dinner will be ready in 10 minutes.
Hey girl, it's okay to use a sick day just for your own mental health. Your students will understand.
Hey girl, from now on your IEPs will be done by elves, calories don't count, and I'll stay up late to help you color code data. (I love the hey girl teacher ones too)
I know you can't take a hot bath, so I'll give you an hour long massage tonight.
JazznJenna: ha! Love the chick flick one! Sounds like heaven! I also never though Spanish was a romance language, (possibly because Charo was the first person I ever heard speak Spanish) but that last line sounded amaziiing! I'm going to try saying it ... to my bag of Hershey's kisses!
Nicole: just a wild guess here: are IEP's a source of stress in your life? :) So who would you suggest to do the "Hey Girls?" (Other than Steve. He'd obviously be your first choice.) I love, love, love the buns line. My buns raised for too long to get that compliment though. (I can't believe I just typed that either.)
You know Lori, I know you want some good lines to use for yourself, but you're better off just letting your personality and charisma speak for themselves! :) Haha, those were some pretty good ones, I especially like the mormon lines. "Wanna Hold the Priesthood?"
Here are some lines I found online:
Dang, you are sweeter than 3.14!
I'm not being obtuse, but you're acute girl!
Is your dad a terrorist? Because you're da bomb!
Or, what worked for Napoleon can work for anyone. "Are you drinking 1% because you think you're fat? Because you're not. You could be drinking whole if you want!"
Let's see, pick up lines that would work for me (within the next three weeks, of course) would be "I have an extra pair of cute, comfy shoes you can take!" or "Here are a bunch of books to read to occupy your time!"
Yeah, obviously I lack experience with pick-up lines!
Okay, I'm the kind of girl that would love a guy I know to use a cute and funny pick up line on me! Here are some that I'd go for : hi I'm (name) and you're ... gorgeous!
Can you catch? Because I think I'm falling in love with you.
Is your daddy a boxer Cuz you're a knockout!
I gotta go but I like those!
of course Steve is my first choice! Let's teach him to say those things and follow through :) Hmm... Robert Downey Jr, Joseph Gordon Leavitt, Daniel Craig... there's a whole website dedicated to teachers called heygirlteacher.com.
And yes, IEPs are stressful!!! Well, not usually, but then you always get the one with that one parent that just makes your life miserable. I'm pretty ready for summer.
Caitlinsmartypants: I bet you never got the smart pick-up lines directed at you because a guy would be all, "She's blonde. She's not going to get it." But little did they know that you are the world's smartest blonde. I'm willing to bet that you're even smarter than the world's smartest brunette. (If that pick-up line worked, you should totally come over later.)Oh my gosh, Napoleon! He's the king of finesse! Do you know what one of my favorite pick-up lines is that I forgot to mention? It's from Moto-Moto when he says, "Girl, you huge." Now that's music to my ears.
Devree: So who's the guy? Do you need me to call him and give him some pointers? Or maybe you can give him a box of raisins and he'll put two and two together. (But only if he's good at math.)
And silly me, when I read boxer, I was thinking the boxer dog, and I was thinking that wasn't very nice. I'm a blonde-blonde, not a Caitlin smart-blonde.
Nicole: I would love to hear "hey girls" from Joseph GL! Why don't you start a website for that. I'll go check out that website. Only 3 more months until summer ... you can make it!
My favorite pick up line was one I saw on a t=shirt...it said
"You look just like my next girlfriend"
My pick up line would be....Yes I would love to take the children ice skating while you blow your diet with this Cold Stone Ice Cream I brought home and read a good book (like Reign of Trees).
Livingstonslifeinmt: I need to buy that that t-shirt for my boys! Although ... what would a guy do if a tattooed lady with fishnet stockings approached? He'd have to hide his shirt underneath his trench-coat and then she'd totally get the wrong idea. (Pathetic attempt at a joke, I know.) Your pick-up line worked on me. Can I come over tonight?
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