Gobble Gobble! We Have a Winner!

All right, let's roll! Why roll, and not rock and roll? Because it's Thanksgiving, that's why! I'm not going to be able to see my legs for days!

Since I know you guys are all busy baking, I'll be brief and to the point. (You don't believe I can do it, do you?)

(I really can. Just give me a chance.)

3 weeks in November, one week was a winning week. And that week, as selected by Random.org was (dun dun dun) week #3, last week.

15 comments that week, one winning comment. (All of them were winning comments in my book, but I'm not allowed to select the winners since I'm prejudice. And since I don't like juice. ... Ha ha, I'm such a silly goose.)  Random.org selected the winning comment, and it selected 3 of my comments! No kidding. I just kept winning and winning and winning! Finally, I don't feel like a loser! And then, I clicked one last time and I lost! But that's OK, because someone even better than me won. (I'm not a sore loser. But I am sore from not exercising today. ... ??? ...?) It's someone who really deserves to win because they've never won before (but they've always been a winner in my book)! A brand new winner! It's comment #3! Jules!

And this week's prize is something long overdue:

An Amazon gift card! Everyone needs more books, right? Might I recommend this one:

Or anything by Sarah M. Eden.

Or this:

I'll send you a message, Jules!

I'm so thankful you guys all take the time to read my silly little blog. I'm a blessed momma. A Montana momma. A moody Montana momma. ... and so on and so forth.

Happy Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Turkeygiving

You guys, did you hear that bad news?

(You might want to sit down, this is going to be bad.)

There is a shortage of fresh turkeys this year.

(See I told you it's bad.)

Picture from here. 

Turkey shortage article taken from anywhere that delivers news on the WWW. The shortage might have something to do with that new movie Free Birds. Life is imitating art, yet again!

If you haven't already bought your turkey, you might have a hard time finding one. This is a tragedy! Turkey is to Thanksgiving what Santa is to Christmas! So what on earth will you eat for Thanksgiving? (I just realized my analogy might be wrong, since I don't think you are supposed to eat Santa on Christmas.)

The first year I was married, for some reason we'd had two large family gatherings in November and my MIL was tired of cooking turkey. She had decided to cook spaghetti for Thanksgiving instead. When I found out, I shed many tears. (Keep in mind that I was very young and immature and it was my first Thanksgiving away from home.) Since she is such a lovely, nice person, she found out about my misgivings and cooked a traditional Thanksgiving dinner instead. I don't think I ever thanked her adequately for that. (Is there a statute of limitations for thank you notes?) Ironically, about a decade or so ago, we had a big meal a few days before Christmas, so we decided to have a small simple meal for Christmas dinner. We picked spaghetti. It was like brushing your teeth with garlic. It was just so wrong!

What would be the worst meal you could have on Thanksgiving? And it has to be a legitimate meal that you would typically eat, not something outlandish and gross like sushi. I would say anything Italianish, like pasta and pizza, just because it's such a bold and contrasting flavor to down-home American cooking.

Remember the awesome scene from A Christmas Story where their turkey gets devoured by dogs and they have to go out to eat and the only place that is open is a Chinese restaurant? Have you ever had to eat out for a holiday? I'm lucky enough to be able to mooch off of my family full of amazing chefs, but I think if it were entirely up to me to cook the meal, eating out might not be such a bad idea. But what if there wasn't a good home-style restaurant for your holiday meal? Where would you eat out if you were stranded in Browning, Montana on Thanksgiving? Would a turkey sandwich from Subway satisfy your taste buds? I think I'd rather go for a burger and just forget it was Thanksgiving all together.

I do hope that none of the above scenarios happen to you this year and that you get even more stuffed than your holiday bird.

Do you have a Thanksgiving strategy? Do you starve yourself for days before so everything tastes extra good? Or do you begin eating more right now so you can adequately stretch out your stomach? Speaking of stretch, do you wear stretchy pants so your belly can expand? I've seriously almost passed out before because I ate about 50 bites too many. When everything is SO delicious, it's impossible to stop. And then just when I was about to recover and live to see another day, the dessert got brought out. Oh the pain. I'm hurting right now thinking about it. Ah, isn't Thanksgiving the best?

So here's your questions again in case you don't read my ramblings and just skip to the bottom:
1. What would be the worst alternate holiday meal you could have (or have had)?
2. If you had to eat out, where would you chose?
3. Exactly how much do you plan on eating this year?
4. Is there anyone willing to drive me to the hospital in case I do eat to much and my stomach explodes? (I used to think that really happened to people when they overate. I always wondered how much splatter they left on the wall when said explosion happened. Gross. I've matured a lot since I thought that 5 years ago.)
5. Oh, and how about this one: what is your very favorite part of Thanksgiving dinner? Mine is ALL OF IT. And the pie.

Remember, this is the last "normal" week this month. Make sure you comment so you can win the prize next Tuesday! Also make sure you comment so I don't feel like a turkey, because if I begin to believe that I am a turkey, I will become a turkey and THERE'S A SHORTAGE so I might end up on someone's table! Yikes! You must comment! It could save my life!

The Birds And The Bees And The Little Zonkeys

So you've all seen this by now:

This cute little Zonkey was born in Italy a few months ago. Holy stripes, right? She's a cross (obviously) between a zebra and a donkey.

But then there's also this:

Which is a Zebroid. Which is a zebra + any other equine. I'm thinking the papa was a white stallion in this case, but could be mistaken.

There's this:

Camel + Llama= Cama  (BTW, why do we need two Ll's to spell Llama? Is it possible that whoever named the Llama had a lisp and it was written phonetically? I'm being serious. Why? Why in the L?)

And there's also this:

Sheep + Goat= Toast of Botswana (???. The person who named that didn't have a lisp, but did like their liquor.) (Obviously)

I know the first ones are real, but that last one makes me question all hybrid animal pictures. However, I did find them on the internet, so they must be real. Here's 20 of the Coolest (Strangest) Hybrids. The post is brought to you by Toyota, and they say if you want your own hybrid, you should buy a Prius. I don't get it.

At the bottom of the post is this guy:

Aw. Cuteness. It's a St. Basset Hound. (Bernard + Basset). He's all business in the front and party in the back. (???) Do you think he knows that he's not ...normal? And do you think he face plants in his food every day?

You all know about all the super-popular dog cross-breads and their super-awesome portmanteau names like Labradoodle and Goldendoodle and the Huskamute (I think Musky would be a better name.)  I just found this little lady on Wikipedia. It was love at first sight.

It's a Cavapoo. (Cavalier King Charles Spaniel + Poodle) I think any name that ends with "poo" requires a happy sigh. I also hope King Charles likes that his legacy lives on.

Some breeds (and breads, if my spell-checker mind hadn't been working just then) mix well and some, not so much.

If you could combine ANY, and I mean any, two animals: what new breed (or bread) would you create? And what would you name it?

I would like to combine Flamingo legs with an Elephant head. I would call it a Flalelephant. (Say it with me now!)

If you could combine ANY two dogs to create your own trendy dog breed, what would it be?

I would like to combine a Great Dane with a Chihuahua. I would call it a Great Chihuahua. (I know, right?)

If you could combine ANY two mythological creatures/cartoon characters/super villains/super heroes/household items to make something wonkey (ala' JK Rowlingish), what would it be?

I'm thinking the Tasmanian Devil would be really neat crossed with a Unicorn. (Do you get the point? Ha ha. Ha. ..... Ha. ..... Ha ..... Ha. Ha.) I would call it the Devilcorn. That's also what you should call a certain kind of thing that happens after you eat corn. (I'm both disgusting and immature. I'm a hybrid of a nine year old boy and a twelve year old boy.) (Sorry for that one. I'm kind of making myself sick over it. Yet I won't delete. And I don't know why.)

If there is anyone still reading after my cubscout camp-suitable corn joke, it is now your turn to mix breeds! Tells us what you would create if you could play Mad Scientist, or Mad Mother, or just plain Mad. And don't stop at just one! Create as many new breeds as your creative brainy brains can think of! (I'm giving only three examples because I've already typed your ears off. It's really not because I don't have a creative brainy brain. Or is it?) Ready, set, go!

A Mother of a Post

While I typically aim for blog posts that are light and fluffy, sometimes I need to be as serious as mud. (How serious is mud, you may ask? It's very, very serious. So serious that it doesn't wash out of clothes without the aid of superdupermagiceraser.) There's something that's been bugging me for awhile, and since it's my blog and I can vent if I want to, you all of y'all will put on your game faces and let me be somber for a while, won't ya?

Let's talk about this:

Picture a tabolid/internet news story with a picture of a beautiful celebrity, who is also an expectant mother, and a caption that reads something like this: LOOK WHO IS TURNING INTO SHAMU THE WHALE!

And then a few months later, picture that same celebrity who gave birth a few months ago, and is now wearing not much more than an Arby's napkin, and a caption that says: HOW I GOT MY BODY BACK.

Can we just stop this sick cycle? Do we not realize how much we are devaluing motherhood and degrading women in general? Do we not realize that we are telling girls everywhere that the most important thing they can contribute to society is their body? Is this not incredibly sad and dangerous?

Outer beauty is fleeting. Shouldn't we be teaching girls to nurture their inner beauty, which will last FOREVER?

Speaking of nurturing: do you remember this saying: "The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world?" It seems that this saying has become passe. Does society still understand the power of mothers? Yes, but society is also giving mothers a double edged sword. In addition to rocking cradles, mothers are expected to have a career, have a showpiece home that is in immaculate order with no toys or other child-related clutter visible (have you notice this in all the dream home pictures you see online? It's like children don't even exist!), be able to sew their own chevron pillows and maxi skirts, decorate a cake that looks like it could be on Cakeboss, make a meal that would impress Rachel Ray, get thousands of likes for their daily awesomeness posted on all the social sites, ANDDDD have a smokin hot bod. Women are being spread so thin (ha ha, sometimes literally) that it is no wonder that the amount of nurturing is diminishing.

While I could site dozens of awesome quotes from various religious leaders about the power of mothers, here's this simple non-denominational statement from Wiktionary on the meaning of the saying "the hand that rocks the cradle:" Women, particularly mothers, have a decisive influence on the future direction of society because they raise and nurture the next generation. A decisive influence. Do you understand what that means? It means that if we are not happy with society, within our small yet capable hands, we have THE POWER to change society. Is that power really worth trading for 6 pack abs and vanishing stretch marks? Women of the world: we are losing our focus. Women of the world: we are better than this.

We are worth far more than the beauty found on the surface of EACH AND EVERY WOMAN. Did you know this? That no matter what your size, your hair color, or the wrinkles around your eyes, you are a unique daughter of God and you are absolutely beautiful? Don't you ever think that because you don't look like Whoever Hottie Superstar that your worth is not equal to hers. Don't you ever think that your influence is any less than hers. Don't you ever think that you can't change the world with your simple acts of nurturing.

Sometimes we feel helpless to change what has become society norms, but all it takes is awareness. And with that awareness comes the motivation to enforce change. Here's a few ways you can help:

1. Don't support those who sell the trash that tells women to erase all traces of children from their lives and bodies. This includes the things you pin on Pinterest.(I might need to delete some of my pins, especially the ones that make me feel inferior to the super-fit 20 year old who has exercise tips that are sure to improve my body practically overnight.)

2. Tell women who dressed modestly that you appreciate the way they don't flaunt their assets.

3. Be more giving in your compliments of women in general. Tell them they have great children. Tell them you appreciate their wisdom, their courage, their insights, their driving, whatever! While it's always nice to have someone compliment your appearance, compliments about our personality traits can stay with us for a lifetime.

4. Love all the little children you come in contact with. You don't have to be a mother to lift up a child. Children give love freely, without prejudice. We could all us a little more of that, couldn't we?

5. Never ever  (and I mean never ever!) say that you are fat or that you need to go on a diet when your daughter is within earshot. Teach her to love her body for the great gift that it is.

6. Love YOUR body for the great gift that it is.

7. And finally, share with us some of the ways a mother has touched your life. And after you share it with us, maybe you'll want to write a note to that special woman in your life and thank them for all that they have done for you. It is the month of giving thanks, isn't it?

To my awesome mom, I say:
Thank you for teaching me that the way to everyone's heart is through their stomachs. I once thought it was demeaning that women HAD to cook, but now I know that nothing brings a family together more than a good homecooked meal. I can't count how many good conversations I've enjoyed around your kitchen table mom, and I hope someday my kids will have the same fond memories from my kitchen table.

(But maybe not memories like this ...)

Thank you for teaching me that home is a place of comfort, security, and happiness. My house isn't clean like yours, but we do like to spend time here, so maybe I'm doing something right.

Thank you for teaching me to spend time developing talents and skills. I wished I could play piano like you, but all the time I saw you practicing did teach me that talents go hand in hand with hard work.

Speaking of hard work, thank you for teaching me that best life has to offer comes through diligence and hard work. It's no wonder you fall asleep every time you sit down: it's because you work SO hard every time you are on your feet. :)

Thank you for teaching me that it's OK to laugh so hard that you cry. That's really the best kind of laughter anyway.

Thank you for teaching me to be kind and polite. Thank you for teaching me to be a lady. Thank you for teaching me that the best things in life aren't things, but the people who love you. And everyone loves you, mom: you have more fans that the Utah Jazz! Love you!

OK, Blogaway friends: it's your turn to share with us some of the ways a mother has touched your life. We might need to share a box of virtual Kleenex!  And Blogaway friends: you are ALL wonderful women and you touch my life every time you comment. Thanks for uplifting, sharing, caring! <3