Let's talk about this:
Picture a tabolid/internet news story with a picture of a beautiful celebrity, who is also an expectant mother, and a caption that reads something like this: LOOK WHO IS TURNING INTO SHAMU THE WHALE!
And then a few months later, picture that same celebrity who gave birth a few months ago, and is now wearing not much more than an Arby's napkin, and a caption that says: HOW I GOT MY BODY BACK.
Can we just stop this sick cycle? Do we not realize how much we are devaluing motherhood and degrading women in general? Do we not realize that we are telling girls everywhere that the most important thing they can contribute to society is their body? Is this not incredibly sad and dangerous?
Outer beauty is fleeting. Shouldn't we be teaching girls to nurture their inner beauty, which will last FOREVER?
Speaking of nurturing: do you remember this saying: "The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world?" It seems that this saying has become passe. Does society still understand the power of mothers? Yes, but society is also giving mothers a double edged sword. In addition to rocking cradles, mothers are expected to have a career, have a showpiece home that is in immaculate order with no toys or other child-related clutter visible (have you notice this in all the dream home pictures you see online? It's like children don't even exist!), be able to sew their own chevron pillows and maxi skirts, decorate a cake that looks like it could be on Cakeboss, make a meal that would impress Rachel Ray, get thousands of likes for their daily awesomeness posted on all the social sites, ANDDDD have a smokin hot bod. Women are being spread so thin (ha ha, sometimes literally) that it is no wonder that the amount of nurturing is diminishing.
While I could site dozens of awesome quotes from various religious leaders about the power of mothers, here's this simple non-denominational statement from Wiktionary on the meaning of the saying "the hand that rocks the cradle:" Women, particularly mothers, have a decisive influence on the future direction of society because they raise and nurture the next generation. A decisive influence. Do you understand what that means? It means that if we are not happy with society, within our small yet capable hands, we have THE POWER to change society. Is that power really worth trading for 6 pack abs and vanishing stretch marks? Women of the world: we are losing our focus. Women of the world: we are better than this.
We are worth far more than the beauty found on the surface of EACH AND EVERY WOMAN. Did you know this? That no matter what your size, your hair color, or the wrinkles around your eyes, you are a unique daughter of God and you are absolutely beautiful? Don't you ever think that because you don't look like Whoever Hottie Superstar that your worth is not equal to hers. Don't you ever think that your influence is any less than hers. Don't you ever think that you can't change the world with your simple acts of nurturing.
Sometimes we feel helpless to change what has become society norms, but all it takes is awareness. And with that awareness comes the motivation to enforce change. Here's a few ways you can help:
1. Don't support those who sell the trash that tells women to erase all traces of children from their lives and bodies. This includes the things you pin on Pinterest.(I might need to delete some of my pins, especially the ones that make me feel inferior to the super-fit 20 year old who has exercise tips that are sure to improve my body practically overnight.)
2. Tell women who dressed modestly that you appreciate the way they don't flaunt their assets.
3. Be more giving in your compliments of women in general. Tell them they have great children. Tell them you appreciate their wisdom, their courage, their insights, their driving, whatever! While it's always nice to have someone compliment your appearance, compliments about our personality traits can stay with us for a lifetime.
4. Love all the little children you come in contact with. You don't have to be a mother to lift up a child. Children give love freely, without prejudice. We could all us a little more of that, couldn't we?
5. Never ever (and I mean never ever!) say that you are fat or that you need to go on a diet when your daughter is within earshot. Teach her to love her body for the great gift that it is.
6. Love YOUR body for the great gift that it is.
7. And finally, share with us some of the ways a mother has touched your life. And after you share it with us, maybe you'll want to write a note to that special woman in your life and thank them for all that they have done for you. It is the month of giving thanks, isn't it?
To my awesome mom, I say:
Thank you for teaching me that the way to everyone's heart is through their stomachs. I once thought it was demeaning that women HAD to cook, but now I know that nothing brings a family together more than a good homecooked meal. I can't count how many good conversations I've enjoyed around your kitchen table mom, and I hope someday my kids will have the same fond memories from my kitchen table.
(But maybe not memories like this ...)
Thank you for teaching me that home is a place of comfort, security, and happiness. My house isn't clean like yours, but we do like to spend time here, so maybe I'm doing something right.
Thank you for teaching me to spend time developing talents and skills. I wished I could play piano like you, but all the time I saw you practicing did teach me that talents go hand in hand with hard work.
Speaking of hard work, thank you for teaching me that best life has to offer comes through diligence and hard work. It's no wonder you fall asleep every time you sit down: it's because you work SO hard every time you are on your feet. :)
Thank you for teaching me that it's OK to laugh so hard that you cry. That's really the best kind of laughter anyway.
Thank you for teaching me to be kind and polite. Thank you for teaching me to be a lady. Thank you for teaching me that the best things in life aren't things, but the people who love you. And everyone loves you, mom: you have more fans that the Utah Jazz! Love you!
OK, Blogaway friends: it's your turn to share with us some of the ways a mother has touched your life. We might need to share a box of virtual Kleenex! And Blogaway friends: you are ALL wonderful women and you touch my life every time you comment. Thanks for uplifting, sharing, caring! <3
5 comments:
I want to say thank you to the mothers who teach that regardless of how insane the little people (or big people) you are with are acting, it's possible to maintain composure and still be a kind person.
Thanks to the moms who have taught me that you can be a full-time mom but still nurture your own personal interests!
Kudos to all the moms who have broken chains of abuse and chosen the loving approach to discipline in their homes.
Kudos to the moms who maintain good health and beauty, which have nothing to do with magazine-cover looks.
KUDOS to all the moms who HANG IN THERE every day and do their best, even though it feels so tempting to just bail out and jump ship!
Thank you for teaching me the value of a clean house. My house lately has looked like a tornado hit it, but it still drives me crazy because I know how it good it feels clean.
But… thank you for teaching me to have priorities. I posted this on Facebook yesterday, but family (especially kids) comes first. One of the biggest compliments I've gotten this year was from another teacher who said that she admired that I wouldn't stay later than my contract hours so I could go home and be with Brae. My teachers told me in school that the job (especially teaching because there is always something more you could be doing) comes after family. They would have time set aside for their families only and they were not available to us during those hours. I hate that I have parent/teacher conferences the next couple nights and Brae doesn't understand why she won't see me all day long (seriously. 13 hours in a day. ugh.) So, if my house is a little messy this week, it's because I'm snuggling my baby a little extra so I feel better about missing time with her for two days.
Thank you for teaching me how to cook and sew. Those are life skills that I love being able to use in my own home and I can't wait to cook with Brae.
Thank you for teaching me the value of books. I can't say I never wanted for books growing up because I always wanted more books, but I also always had a TON to read.
Thank you for teaching me to work hard. My mom has two jobs and sacrificed so she could spoil us. She's the kind of person that if we say we'd like something (even if we don't need it) she'll get it for us because that's a way she shows her love. She's a very giving, generous person.
Thank you for teaching me how to be a good wife and for showing me that my best is what is important, not comparing myself to others.
Lori, my friend I couldn't agree with you more. As an older woman, I think back on the lessons I learned and the ones learned in my mom's or grandmothers kitchens are the most important. Family is what life is about and bringing them together is and has always fallen to the matriarch. One final thought... teach your children (male and female) self esteem and it will be passed down from generation to generation with love and pride for you from them!! :)
Jenna: beautifully written, like always. :) I like that you added (big people) to your first statement. Big people tend to drive me more bonkers than little people! And yes, big kudos to all the moms who stay aboard this ship, even if it's sinking! (I think my motherhood ship is a submarine and we do a lot of deep dive dive diving! Yet, we manage to make it to the surface for fresh air every now and then!)
Nicole: at least I'm passing on something good to my children: they don't know what a clean house feels like, so they won't grow up with that expectation or guilt! Hopefully they won't all be featured on Hoarders. I love that you are carrying on the love of reading with Brae. That girl will be reading before she can walk! And yes, to the comparison thing! Comparison it the thief of joy! As is stepping in dog poo.
Mary: I couldn't agree with you more! Teaching positive self esteem is so important. Some kids are naturally born with it (and sometimes they have too much of it!) and other kids need that extra nurturing until they find their place in the world. Yay for good mothers who can instill kids with a deep sense of self worth!
I'm a little late reading and commenting but I thought this was a lovely post on motherhood and tribute to your mother. Made me think of all the things my mom has taught me and done for me. You too are a great mom who is doing a fantastic job teaching your own, thx for your example. xoxoxo
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