Thursday, March 28, 2013

One Sick Winner

The prize! This month! Is ...

Hold on a second. I feel like I need to explain my lameness.

I was going to go shopping and find something that was beyond cool since the winning week is week #1--on speaking like a hipnager. (That's hip+teenager if you couldn't tell.) I was going to look for something that would prove to the world how fly this momma of five is. But then the perpetual plague hit again. I hate to even mention this because it's such a downer and I feel like all I've done lately is complain about childhood illnesses ... but it's real and it's unavoidable. My sweet girl got strep last week and it has now turned into mono.  :(  Anywho, the place I've been hanging out is the Dr. office and not the mall, so therefore, this is the prize:
My teens think these are not only cool, but also essential. Hopefully the winner will think this is dope as well. Who is the winner? It's Anne! Comment #4! Wahoo. Wahoo. Oh yeah. 

And ... next week is our Spring Break. Not that we'll be doing anything exciting other than waiting around to catch scabies, but I'm taking the week off. But! We just might have a guest post. If Paulashawn gets back from her spring vacation and has time to put her thoughts together, we will finally get a peak into her mind. Yay! So keep your fingers crossed and check back next week to see if a new blogger is in da house!

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Dance Like It's Nobody's Buisness

You know the old saying that you should dance like no one is watching? Here's a cute story: Teen #1 says there is a girl at his school with special needs and she can't help but to dance in the common area when she's wearing her headphones. And not just a little bit of bopping--she dances like she's on center stage. Then all of a sudden she remembers that she's not alone and she'll stop and sit down all self-conscious like. After awhile, the music carries her away and she gets up and busts a move. Don't take this wrong--I'm not saying this to make fun of her (I would never be that heartless, I hope.) but because I think it's darling. Shouldn't we all forget the confines of the world around us and do whatever we want?

I think the way you act and think when you are all alone is the true image of who you are. Do you remember being a child and playing alone in your room? You were able to create your own world and dictate how everything in that world reacted to you. Isn't it sad that when we grow up and let fear take hold of our lives, we lose that freedom to be the master of our destiny?

  Don't you love this painting by James Christensen? You can click here to buy it for me.

When I'm alone, (BTW, being alone is one of my favorite things in the world. Yes, I'm a recluse. Or a writer.) I'm a little more lax with my behavior. I do dance while in my office chair. I do sing out loud with my headphones on (I'm positive I sound AWESOME.) I dress like I don't care. I suck on pistachio shells. (OK, so maybe those last two things aren't necessarily good.) But then when it's time to go out in public, I'm reserved and (somewhat?) respectable. I would rather get my armpits waxed than have a crowd of people watch me dance. And I would rather get my armpit hair professionally braided than to have a crowd of people hear me sing. (Which is sad since I used to love to sing as a kid and teen and no problem singing duets and such in church.)

If I had a large auditorium all to myself, (and I was positive a camera wasn't hidden anywhere) I would gladly belt a song into a microphone. I would also like to pretend that I was a ballerina performing Swan Lake.


If I had Montana all to myself, I would walk up close to any barn I wish and take picture after picture. I would also explore every abandoned farmhouse and cabin without worrying about trespassing.

If I had the whole world to myself and didn't have to worry about safety and laws, I would get a car like this and take it to top speed, (230 mph!) especially if the road was windy. (WEE!)


So it's time for your confessions: what do you already do when no one is watching? Do you drink milk straight from the carton? Do you pick what's not supposed to be picked? ("It was an itch!") Do you wear a mismatched combination of pajamas and fleece? (I do only one out of those three. If I need to tell you which one, you aren't my friend anymore.)

Then tell me: if you had a large auditorium to yourself, what would you do? If you had your state to yourself, what would you do? What about the world? If you could do anything you wanted, anything at all, without worrying about ruining your reputation/harming yourself/obeying laws, what would you do?

And if you are so inclined to watch a man of ample size (wearing a speedo) dancing like no one is watching (while wearing a speedo) here it is. I do wish had his courage. And I do wish he had clothes on. You have to admit, he can move. :)   (Hope this isn't offensive to anyone. Just remember speedos are way more common in Europe and on the Jersey Shore.)


AND, blog manager Devree wants me to remind everyone to come back Thursday for the monthly prize winner announcement! See you then.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Beachy Keen

If I had my own world, I would rename the month of March "Bleck." And not just any bleck; you need to say it at the very back of your throat like a German would say "schlecht." In fact, in my own world, I might just get rid of March entirely. Why? Well, why not?

March is icky, drippy, slushy, gushy. What's left of the snow is crusty one day and mushy the next, making it unusable and unnecessary. Yet the earth is too soggy to participate in other outdoor activities like croquet or badminton. So what do you do to pass the time in March? You get out of town.

At least that's what you do if you have the means and children who don't perpetually contract illnesses. But if you are unfortunate like some people whose last name rhymes with Dopeman, you just dream about dream vacations.

Where do I dream about going on vacation? Well, just about anywhere south of Idaho, but mostly I dream about warm tropical beaches. Although--if I could pick anywhere in the world to travel to this week, I'd go to Costa Rica.

Why Costa Rica?

Costa Rica has TWO coast lines with beaches that look like this:


 A forest like this:

 Waterfalls like this:

Resorts with rooms like this:
And food like this:
All of this combined with an average yearly temperature between 70 and 80 degrees and I think I've found heaven on earth. The only problem with going there is that I would never want to leave!

So who's with me? Do you want to go on vacation?

If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? Anyone who really has a vacation planned to a tropical destination had better just keep quiet or I might just be overcome with jealousy and reach through the screen and pull your hair. That made me sound more crabby than a crab-apple tree, didn't it? I'm sorry if it came across that way, since I'm the farthest thing from crabby. What? You don't believe me??? Why ON EARTH WOULD YOU ACCUSE ME OF CRABBYDOM? Sheesh.

So tell me all about those dreams of yours and make me forget that it's sleeting outside. A-loh-ha ha ha.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

When Good Appendix Go Bad, Part 2

As luck would have it, (or as unlucky would have it, which makes more sense, except it doesn't make sense to say it that way, so we will just stick with the original version and say as luck would have it,) child #3 has a lingering infection from his appendicitis. :-(  So instead of doing fun things like going skiing or building sandcastles or going to school, he is back in the hospital for a couple days. :-(  But not to worry; it's not serious and he should be good as new in no time. Why am I telling you all of this bummer (btw, that might be an 80's word. Sorry for being so unfly this week.) personal family stuff? Because I cannot do a regular post again this week. So sorry. I am typing on my tablet and I just don't think my fingers will hold up much longer. Anyone else get finger cramps from tablet typing?

But because hospitals are so very drab and boring, do you think you could do something for me? Can you tell me a joke? One that I could share with my 11 yo so he could get a laugh too? It would be much appreciated! I will be back next week, unless we are hit by a late season storm and are without power, or have been engulfed by a fiery volcano, or something else major like that. I am looking forward to hearing your favorite jokes! Thanks guys.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

I Don't Know What To Say

Have you guys ever read a YA novel where it's obvious that the author is an old person? Certain words are dead giveaways as to what generation the author is from. I used the word "teenybopper" in one of my first drafts of Generations and luckily a beta reader caught this outdated slang and asked if I grew up in the 60's. Of course, anyone under the age of 40 (I said UNDER Paulashawn, so this doesn't include you.) knows that the word "tween" is now used instead of "teenybopper." Also, I read a book awhile ago where the author had the teenage protagonist use the word "dweeb" frequently. Um, hello 1980's, yo momma called and wants her banana-clip back.

In case you can't tell if you're old and out of touch with kids these days, here's a list that might help you.

You might be old if you use words like:

Rad

Radical

Gnarly

Groovy

Groovy Kind of Love

Funky

Funky Cold Medina

Gag

Gag Me With a Spoon

Gag Me With a Pitchfork

Grody

Grody to the Max

Max Headrom

Psychedelic

Spaz

And some say that this word is out as well: Awesome. Which makes me 159 years old because I use that word to the Max.

But if you can't use all those words, then how will you speak? Will you open your mouth only to have silence come out? No! You will become a hipstar! You will learn to be dope. (Dope is now good, not bad. Which actually is a problem in and of itself, but we're not going to be down on Gen Y'ers.) Here's some words to add to your vocab:

Kicks: this is not what you do to your teen when they don't take the garbage out, even though you have asked them 1000 times; these are shoes.

Fly : this is not what Orville and Wilbur did; this means cool, hip, or attractive.

Hipster: this is when you bump your sister with your hip.

Creeper: In high school, this was the type of guy who would constantly ask me out, even after I said no at least 53 times.

Emo: the type of guy I dated in high school when I wanted to give my parents a heart attack.

Chillaxin': a type of laxative that leaves your insides feeling wintery fresh.

Swagger:  A yummy odor of Old Spice.

# : what you use when you think you are funny on Twitter or Instagram.

Like: what you do on FB so people feel popular.

YOLO:  This is said by people who don't believe a word Shirley Maclaine says.

Sick: the month of February at the Folkman household.

Now it's time for you to confess: what words do you use that are no longer en vogue? Hopefully no one lists words like Daddy-o or "The Fonz."

What new words have you added to your verbage? And by all means, if you've heard kids saying something you don't understand, ask me to define it for you; I would be glad to help. (But use caution. Not all words used these days are appropriate. Shocking, I know!)

Peace out.