Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Kissing Tale

In keeping with the theme of love and romance and pepperoni pizza, let's talk about something important. Something mushy. Something ... er, um ... sometimes awkward.

Kissing.



Think back to your pre-teen days (or college days if you are Paulashawn. Ha ha. Just kidding. But we can tease her all we want because she hasn't been on the blog in ages, so she won't even know we are teasing her.) and how desperately you hoped to share a kiss with that special someone anyone. Yet, did you know how to kiss?


No. No you did not. Nowadays there's all sorts of how-to videos on YouTube (I will not provide a link. Just take my word for it--unless you want to lose your Moko Loko.), but back when I was a tween, we learned how to kiss by practicing on the backs of our hands (please tell me you did this) and sometimes smooching the unwilling and unreciprocating current pin-up boy. I may have planted my lips on posters of Tom Cruise and Kirk Cameron. May have. I can't remember exactly because of early onset Alzheimers.

And then when the opportunity for your first REAL kiss arrived, it was like walking on cotton candy and pink bubblegum. Or was it?

 (for you Team C)


It wasn't.

Most likely, your first kiss was sloppy, especially if the boy lucky enough to share the first kiss with you was also inexperienced.

My first kiss was on a bus and I'm certain the people in the surrounding seats were more uncomfortable than I was. I remember wondering how to discretely wipe the slobber from off my mouth without him noticing. But, not wanting to slander the fella for sloppy kissing, in his defense, I suspect the kiss was slobbery because of my lack of experience and not his. 

I didn't ever have an unfortunate experience where I was kissed when I didn't want to be the recipient of said sentiments: did you? Teen #1 had a girl try to kiss him several times on several different occasions and he (rudely) dodged her every time. I'm mortified for her. Were you ever so forward a girl?

I did have one awful kissing experience: remember the scene in Book 2 of Wilder Times where there was that awkward tooth-conking incident? Yes, that really happened to me. Worst kiss ever. It happened to be a friend I was kissing, and said kiss happened because we wanted to prove that you could kiss a friend and still remain friends. It worked! We never wanted to kiss again.

I'm a lucky girl that I haven't had an awkward kiss in two decades. However, before I ever kissed the Hubs (who was just a friend at the time), I did kiss his bff and the Hubs (remember, he was just a friend at the time!) was hiding in the bushes. I felt slightly stupid when I found out later. But the lesson to be learned is thus: boys, make a move before someone else does. (Except for my boys. They shouldn't be making any moves at all until they are 23.)


Will you share your misfortunes in kissing with us? You may change names to protect the innocent and not so innocent. Or were (are) your adventures in kissingland always blissful and beautiful and worthy of being on a Nicholas Sparks cover?

And bonus question: featured are some of my favorite movie kisses. What are yours? 

Come on, kiss and tell! 

12 comments:

Nicole Jessop said...

The only awkward first kiss I remember is my first kiss with Steven. And he's never on, so I can tell and not get in trouble. :) He says I was his first kiss, but he told me for the first two years of our marriage that I wasn't so I don't exactly know what to believe. But I had come down to visit him for the weekend and when he kissed me, he kept biting my top lip. By the time I left for the weekend, my lip was swollen like I had a cleft lip. Just half of it. I corrected his technique and now he's an excellent kisser.

Sorry, is that an overshare?

I can't really think of many favorite movie kiss scenes right now. The only one I can think of is in Sherlock season 3, episode 1. With the hair fluff and everything. It's going around all over pinterest right now

Lori Folkman said...

Nicole: there's no such thing as TMI on blogaway, obviously! And I promise I won't make fun of Steven. At least I promise to TRY not to make fun of Steven. (JK.) But really: biting? And this was even before Twilight, was it not? I'm amazed you continued dating him. I would have filed charges for kissing abuse. ... I can't think of the kiss from season 3 ep 1. Mary and John? Sherlock and Molly? Refresh my poor brain, plz.

Jennifer Lovell said...

I didn't have any BAD kissing memories, really, but I had a couple memorable awkward ones. The kiss I might have disliked the most was from my best friend. It was pretty clear that he would have liked to have more of a romantic relationship with me, but I just couldn't because I didn't like him like that (and besides, I was in love with his cousin). He once finally gave me a kiss on my forehead (he was about a foot and a half taller than me, so it was more logical than my cheek, I guess). I just didn't like it because I never wanted him to be romantic to me at all, so as much as I loved him like a friend, at that time, I wished I could have wiped that kiss off.

My other funny awkward kiss was when I had been waiting and wanting and waiting for said cousin to kiss me...seeing as how we finally started dating once we got to college. He and I had an alluding conversation about kissing--him kissing me, to be specific--and then I saw it coming. So I turned towards him quickly and he planted it awkwardly half on my mouth, half off. It wasn't until days later that I found out that he wasn't aiming for my mouth. He had been aiming for my cheek, but I turned so quickly in the middle of his approach, that my mouth got half-way there in time, ha ha!

One of my favorite movie kisses is at the end of "Just Like Heaven," with Reese Whitherspoon and Mark Ruffalo. Mmmmm, good one! And, in Return to Me, once they finally meet up in Italy. And I like most all of the kisses performed by Tom Welling or Justin Hartley in Smallville, 'cause I pretend I'm the girl ;), with my hands wrapped around their biceps :). Ha ha! Don't bother telling my husband, he already knows ;).

By the way, please remind me the name of the movie of your third picture. I remember LOVING that movie when I saw it a couple years ago, but now I don't remember what it was called! I think I need to see it again.

Nicole Jessop said...

Sherlock & Molly. Both kisses in that episode. The one where he comes bursting through the window and the sweet one on the cheek.

And it wasn't before Twilight, although he hadn't seen it yet.

Lori Folkman said...

Jenna: the cousin is entirely to blame for the halfish kiss: duh, you don't talk to a girl about kissing her and then only kiss her on the cheek. What kind of demented game was he playing? I need to watch "Just Like Heaven" again: cute show. I've never seen Return to Me, and still haven't watched Smallville. I'm shocked you are still friends with me. The 3rd pic is North and South. Answer me this: how do actors portray so much passion in kissing scenes when they really aren't interested in each other. Wouldn't that be weird? And also awkward? And have you ever seen movies/shows when you can see excessive saliva from said kiss? I would DIE if that was me and it was caught on film. I guess that's why I'm a writer and not an actress. (Also because I lack the talent.)(And the perfect teeth.) (And the size 0 body.) (And a Hollywood zip code.) (And a love for toy dogs in designer bags.) (And a ... OK, I made my point. I'll stop now.)

Nicole: ah, yes, very romantic indeed. And wasn't Ep. 2 the best ever! Loved that speech. I think we need to have an entire blog post dedicated to Sherlock. Agreed?

Nicole Jessop said...

ooh yes! And I loved the speech!

Livingstonslifeinmontana said...

I don't have any kissing stories....that I want to share! :)

My favorite love scene of ALL time is from North and South...I have watched the ending at least 20 times. (Richard Armitages accent doesn't hurt the scene any!)

Lori Folkman said...

LivingstonlifeinMT: You bugger you! Thanks for a big fat nothing! Do I need to buy you a box of Oreo's to entice it out of you? Well, at least I know what to get you for your birthday now: a still of the kiss from North and South. I will modge podge it on a block for you and tie a pretty bow. I will hand it to you at church the Sunday before your birthday for the entire ward to see! ;)

Jennifer Lovell said...

I can forgive you for not seeing "Return to Me" and "Smallville" for only so long. I'll let you know when your deadline arrives, when I decide, but I would like to know that they're at least on your "To Watch" list for now. Start with "Return to Me"--YOU'LL LOVE IT. Love, love, love. Minnie Driver + Dave Duchovney = so cute. The beginning is quite sad though, so just prepare yourself.

As for Smallville, I'll give you more time, and you don't have to get your hopes up...okay, you don't have to watch it. But, if you ever have nothing better to do, just do it, and you might have a little fun :). It's just for fun (it can be a little silly at times, and the plots are kind of a guy thing, but you know how it is when a show brings you and your hubby together--that's the whole main point :), the only main point that matters!)

Last thing--as much as I love to imagine myself kissing all of those handsome actors, I don't think I could ever do what they do, kissing people but not really meaning it. It would always tease me and try to mean at least SOMETHING. That would totally mess up my brain and I'd end up in an insane asylum. Do they have a ward for messed up hopeless romantics?

Team C said...

O.K., I know it's late but I had to catch up on blog! I once kissed a boy at a dance.... wait wait wait, rewind, back up , beep beep beep, He kissed me. Anywho! He kissed me at a church dance in the dark, and when the lights came on. He was not a very good looking boy!! EEk! Sorry, so rude, but what do you do then? My bloom was worn off (Meet Me In St Louis) I dated him for a few weeks (back when said dating was not so bad by a 16 year old)! Sheesh! That is what I get for letting my guard down!! P.S. LOVE the North and South Pic!! LOVE LOVE

Team C said...

Sorry, one more. I love the Keira Knightly Pride and P, but the dumbest quote of the whole movie was when she meets Mr. Darcy in the field and you have goosebumps, and they love each other, and she says "Your hands ah cold"
What? Nothing shatters goosebumps in a love scene like a stupid quote like that!

Lori Folkman said...

Team C: there is no such thing as late in my book! (Not in my actual book that I am writing, as tardiness is never mentioned in that book, but in my life book. That's such a confusing phrase for an author to use! I'm going to have to ban it from my vocabulary! Speaking of banning: how about those book bans? That's a little crazy, huh? Oh no, maybe I shouldn't use the word ban either! Maybe I just shouldn't use words AT ALL. In fact, maybe when parents tell their toddlers to use their words, we are leading the future generations astray! We should just go back to grunting. And gesturing. Life was so much simpler back then! I would know--I'm old enough to remember the caveman era! Anywho...) HILARIOUS story. Is that why youth leaders like the gyms to be well lit nowadays? I bet it is. Are you going to need that picture for your birthday as well? And yes, I agree with the cold hands. (Although it does give me goosebumps when Brandon Flowers sings it. He he.) but at least she didn't say, "Your breath smells like eggs over easy!" Always be grateful for the small things, Team C.