A Perfectly Cool Winner

Hey! What up? Not much here. Just been chillin. You be chillin?

You will be if you are the winner of this month's prize:

I figure winter is the best time to eat ice cream because your entire body is already frozen from the weather so you don't have to worry about brain freeze. (I'm a smart one, I know I know.)

Random.org selected Week #2 this week, which was our post on pseudo-perfection. And from the comment thread, Random.org selected comment #3: The Other Nicole, or Nicole Numero Dos, or The Nicole By Any Other Name, or The Nicole Who Came Via Steve But Not With Steve (family joke, sorry) or Nicole the Awesome!

I'll get it in the mail to you Nicole the Awesome. You'll have to make hubby take you on a real date (no old people involved) (and no WalMart involved) and have some yummy chocolate ice cream and then you can say, "but I don't really like chocolate." :)

That's all for this week fellas. Are you impressed that I was brief and fairly to the point? What can I say--miracles do happen.

Pick Your No's

No.

Two of the most offensive letters in the English language.

 

No matter what the question, typically a piece of your heart is attached—from the time you are a small child until the day you die.

Can I have some ice cream?

Can I have a sleep over?

Can I have a puppy?

Did I make the cheerleading squad?

Can I get up off the bench and play in the game, coach?

Can I buy a car?

Will you go out with me?

Will you marry me?

Will you have my child?

Will you babysit my child so I can have a dang break?

Can I have a job?

Did I win the lottery?

Will you publish my book?

Can I buy a red convertible?

Can I buy an RV?

Can I buy a casket?

Do you see how many opportunities are out there to have your hopes and dreams destroyed? Endless. It’s a wonder we ever even muster up the courage to ask for a glass of water.

Disappointment is a part of life, but that doesn’t mean we should be too afraid to reach for the stars.

Since we’ve had two weeks of being open and honest, let’s continue on that vein, shall we?

Let me tell you the painful truth: every time I write something new (yes,even a blog post), I have a momentary panic attack. What if they hate it? What if they think I’m stupid? What if they think I’m nuttier than my monthly almond stash (which is NUTTY)?  But then I take a deep breath and tell myself to get over it. If I like it, have learned something in the process and have done the best job I know how, well then, I’ve done enough. Stressing about acceptance takes away the joy of the journey.

So if you hyperventilate every time you think about a certain task which would put you out of your comfort zone, my advice to you is this: take a deep breath, and then just do it. If it’s something you are passionate about, don’t let your fears take away the joy of learning, growing, sharing.

Is your fear of failure keeping you from accomplishing something great? What is it? Will you tell us what is keeping you from following a dream?

And do you know what helps? Cheerleaders. Think about the long tradition of having a group of girls standing at the sidelines of a game, urging their team to triumph. Everyone needs to have someone on their side, cheering and shaking their pompoms (or their booty, whatever the case may be) to encourage them to reach their goals.

You guys are my cheerleaders. I’m a super lucky gal. It does wonders to have people you can trust to encourage and uplift. So let me be there for you, OK? 

Are you too afraid to switch jobs? Go back to school? Ask out that cute boy you keep seeing in the library? Try out for community theatre? Take a Zumba class? Walk and chew gum at the same time? TELL US ABOUT IT. We will laugh at you. Oh goodness, there's a typo in that last sentence. We will NOT laugh at you. One of us might not be tall enough to reach for the stars, but if we all stand together, we can reach great heights! 

Share, share, share!

(P.S. This is the last post of the month. The prize winner will be announced next Tuesday.)

The Sun Always Shines On The Internet

Sorry for my little rant last week. I have emerged from the Pit of Despair and I'm joining the land of the living once again. Ish. But! Can I just say: why is it such a bad thing to vent on the internet? Do we always have to put our best foot forward? Always? Doesn't it sorta create a false image of perfection?

Some days when I browse the web, I feel like I get internet vomit all over me. It's just TOO much perfection. The perfect clothes, the perfect hair, the perfect body, the perfect homemade meals, the perfect children, the perfect crafts, the perfect house, the perfect mouse. Why do we do this to each other? Why do we want others to think our lives are ALL sunshine ALL the time? I certainly understand that no one likes a Debbie Downer, but shouldn't we try to be more real?

 Yes, yes we should! It's time to get real girlz. Today, we are going to air our dirty laundry. (And by that, I quite literally mean laundry. See questions 2-4.)

I'm going to give you a quiz, and you must answer honestly, and on the spot. You can not come back later in the day and give answers that will reflect a better you. I've tapped into the NSA and I'm watching you on your webcam, so I WILL KNOW if you are cheating. And this is what happens to cheat-ahs.

Go Pumbaa Go! So don't cheat.

There are no right or wrong answers. There's only you. So BeYOUtiful.

Ready? Here are your Q's:

1. Do you vacuum monthly, weekly, daily or hourly?
2. Is your laundry hamper nearly empty, full, or overflowing on the floor?
3. When was the last time you sniffed checked clothes on the floor for cleanliness?
4. How long does it take you to get your clean laundry put away: minutes, hours, days or weeks?
5. What is the oldest leftover meal in your fridge?
6. When was the last time you heated a pre-made meal for dinner?
7. When was the last time you made a meal from scratch?
8. When was the last time the cat's litter box was changed?
9. How long does it take for a new roll of toilet paper to be put on: instantly, after a few hours, after a few days, or do you have piles of old phone books ready to use in your outhouse?
10. When was the last time you made your own yogurt/cheese/curds and whey?
11. How big was your kale crop last summer?
12. You hair is currently: freshly washed, freshly vacuumed, in a ponytail/bun, nonexistent.
13. Your fingernails are currently: bare, snaggely, manicured, a work of art.
14. Number of hand sewn pillows in your house:
15. Number of items with a chevron print in your house/wardrobe:
16. Your current outfit is: jammies, sweats, pantsuit, prom dress, nonexistent.
17. Last time you exercised:
18. Last time you overate:
19. Locale of your last exotic vacation:
20. Most recent date night that DID NOT include a stop at WalMart:

Answer as many questions as you would like, but remember, this is for posterity. Be honest. Be true. Be no one else but you.

Fo realz.

Don't Wake a Sleeping Lori

Happy! New! Year! I hope you guys all had a lovely, restful holiday break. I learned one thing during the break: sleeping in is the best gift on earth. Am I right or am I right?

 

 Go see more pictures with Theo and Beau napping together here. It's the cutest. 

Actually, sleeping period is the best gift on earth. That's why there's that Christmas song that says "Sleep on earth and goodwill to men."

Lest you think that this entire blog post is about sleeping, (because what could be more boring that discussing Lori's sleep habits?) let me assure you that ... it actually is!

So ... I was glad to see 2013 go. It was a "don't let the door hit you on your way out" kind of year. I embraced 2014 with open arms, thinking this was going to be my kind of year. And then ... four days into the new year, I crashed my suburban. Yep. And did I just do a little bit of damage? Oh no, I completely clobbered the driver's side: bumper to bumper. We're taking several thousand dollars worth of damage. Thankfully, we were not hurt and my little darlin had a guardian angel sitting next to her and wasn't cut when her window shattered. However, my morale got clobbered right along with the car. Seriously, we have THE WORST luck. If it can go wrong, it will go wrong. I'm convinced that the Folkman family was cursed for not carrying Madame Zeroni up the mountain. So now I'm worried: maybe 2014 won't be such a great year. Maybe the bad luck will just go on and on and on and on ... and on.

These people don't have bad luck: they have good luck! Look at that: they are hanging by a thread! You don't get much luckier than that: unless you go to Reno and win mega millions. Do they give away mega millions in Reno, Paula and Janice? And have you guys ever won but are withholding it from me? We need to talk. Pronto.

I have decided to do the only thing any rational person (with such horrible misfortune) can do: go back to bed. For a looooong time. It only makes sense. Sleeping Beauty was always my favorite story as a child. Shouldn't I want to follow in the steps of my favorite princess?

BTW, I think I should do a modern telling of Sleeping Beauty, in first person narrative. It would have page after page like this: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Fascinating, no?

Going to sleep for years and years would have many benefits. Firstly, the curse should be lifted by the time I wake up. Secondly, there's this thing called beauty sleep and I'd be getting a LOT of it. Plus, I wouldn't be exposed to any harsh elements, like the sun, therefore I wouldn't be aging. In fact, I think I would be going in reverse. So if I sleep until 2024, I will be 50 when I wake up, but I'll look like I'm 29. Woot woot! Thirdly and lastly, I wouldn't be eating almonds so that would save me like 50 million dollars. I'm so doing this!

But, I will miss you guys. And when I wake up in 2024, I won't have a clue what's going on in the world. So tell me: what will the world be like in 2024? Who will be President of the United States of America? Will there still be a United States of America? What kind of cars will we be driving? Or flying? What clothes will we be wearing? Or not? What will we be watching on TV? Or will we be back to watching sunsets? And most importantly, what will be going on in your lives? What will you accomplish in the next 10 years? Tell me ALL about it! There is no such thing as TMI around here.

So ... it's 2024. Tell me what it's like. And I hope I don't have history's worst case of morning breath while you are talking to me. I'll search for a mint.