Kind of.
So when the canola fields were blooming, I had this amazing idea: I could use that picturesque backdrop to have some new author photos taken. I had a fresh haircut (buh-bye split ends) and my skin was slightly less pale than normal, so all the planets seemed to line up. It would be the best picture to be taken since this one was taken of Grandma Iris.
We set out to the desired location on an overcast day, expecting perfection. But then the sun came out. It got hot. VERY hot. And humid. We were by the river, which meant the mosquito population was quadruple the size of the Bigfork 4th of July parade. (I'm being serious this time. The parade crowd is super huge. For MT anyway.) They were Satan's mosquitoes and were biting through bug spray AND clothes. So when I wasn't swatting bugs, I was trying to smile for pictures. But in the meantime, my makeup melted in the blaring heat (it had to have been at least 80) and my hair went POOF in the humidity. (That's the sound hair makes when it goes from straightened back to naturally curly.)
Those are all strikes against my perfect photo shoot, but they aren't what lost the ballgame. It was the fact that I'm not photogenic. Not at all.
I have always hated to have my picture taken. It is TORTURE! Seriously, in my previous life as a spy, when I was captured, all they had to do was take a bunch of pictures of me and then make me look at them. Then I was all, "No more! Don't make me look at anymore pictures of myself! I'll tell you where the nuclear missile is! In fact, let me drive you there. Just NO MORE PICTURES!"
Having my picture taken is like looking at myself in a magnified mirror in broad daylight. (Oh horror of horrors!) I see a picture and I think, "Really? I thought that shirt looked good, but no." Or "Oh my gosh, I never knew I had that wrinkle. Great. And I've been out in public like that."
OK, so I'm not that horribly mean to myself (most of the time), but pictures do seem to magnify flaws, especially when it's a closeup. (Ugh.) This last photo shoot made me realize this devastating fact:
I have Granny Elbows.
How does this happen? I've always known about the importance of good face creams and support bras and such, but why didn't anyone warn me about saggy elbows? If I would have known, I would have kept bending my arms to a minimum. (Hey, is that why zombies walk with their arms outstretched? They don't want saggy elbows! Mystery solved!)
Now before you think I'm either silly or vain or both, this just goes to illustrate my point. You can't really see your own elbows, so if it weren't for the photos, I would have never known about this personal monstrosity. And now I'm going to have to wear long sleeves for the rest of my life. (Kidding.)
So here's the problem: I know that pictures are going to make me notice something I would rather ignore, so as I'm in front of the camera, I'm not smiling: I'm grimacing. It's almost a look of "Quick, get Lori a drink of Metamucil fast!" I can't relax in front of a camera, and then the pictures turn out all the worse, like this:
You can see what a painful task this is for me. And for the photographer. (Oh my gosh. I like to exaggerate. This was a camera misfire. I hope. And look: that homestead is messier than my house! Yay! That's something to celebrate.)
Why is it that some people always, always take good pictures? Is being photogenic a talent, or is it a skill that can be learned? (I hope for the latter.)
At least I have improved over the years, as I spent far too long hiding behind trees or tablecloths or whatever I could find anytime someone brought out the camera. I did once worry that if I died while my kids were young, they would not remember what I looked like since I hid from every possible picture.
I love candid shots over posed ones, and I especially love ones where you get caught doing something goofy, like dressing up like ABBA. Those are the pictures that create lasting memories.
Do you have a favorite picture of yourself? I actually loved my senior photos: maybe I should see if that photographer is still in business and can get me to smile better than the picture above.
Are you photogenic? Do you have any tips to help me relax for the camera when we retake my author photos?
Or are you like me and hate it when people point a camera at you? Do you have a horrible photo that was taken of you and then you shared it on your blog for the sake of public amusement? I have no dignity, do I?
I shall try to redeem myself slightly by showing you the best photo in the batch, yet I still have rejected it as my author photo. You may frame it and put it on your mantel: or better yet, blow it up to life-size and hang it next to your bed! (NIGHTMARES!)
11 comments:
You look very lovely in your pictures, I don't know what you're talking about. But, I understand being overly critical about pictures. I use to be that way and I'd hide but then I realized that was what was making my pictures bad. And it made me mad when my mom did it because then we had no pictures of her. So now I just smile. I do prefer to have someone else in the picture with me. I don't like pictures of me alone.
My favorite picture of me is a family photo in my grandma's orchard when I was in 7th grade. My cousin had straightened my hair and did my make-up and the neutral colors just made everything else pop. When I was choosing a senior photo my mom was mad because I didn't choose a close-up one. I tried to explain that with a half paralyzed face, close-ups do NOT look good to the victim.
I guess I'm photogenic. I just hate pictures where I don't have anything on my head but that seems to be alot lately because I'm most comfortable like that.
My only suggestions are to smile like it's going to be the best picture in the world and if it doesn't turn out like you plan, don't look at it often. I like to be a scene stealer and do something crazy in the background so the person doesn't see it until they look at the photo on a bigger screen. My cousin's old profile picture has me doing this.
I actually have a video of me when I was little where I was jumping on the bed with frilly panties and when my mom asked me to show my frilly panties WHOOP the dress came right up!
It's a very pretty photo. Before I went to St. Judes for treatment my ward paid for a woman to do Family photos. there's a picture of me sitting and turned to look up at the camera and the same cousin that I scene stealed said I looked like a band album cover. I think she said I was and "indie rock" genre.
Sounds like Devree has it all figured out! Smile like it's going to be your best picture ever! I should try that!
I am with you though... I don't like having my picture taken either. I always feel awkward and then I notice my flaws. But I figure I love to take pictures of my kids and I have a husband who is not at all camera shy so I find myself in front of a camera more often than I'd like but I figure it will give me something to laugh at later.
Favorite picture of myself... probably my wedding pictures. Having someone do your hair and makeup before a photo shoot always at least makes me feel prettier to start with.
I...I...I like having my photo taken. I love standing in the spotlight. I am a soprano diva, and I feel embarrassed sometimes at how obvious it is to the world that getting attention is one of my favorite things. Silly me.
I feel confident in photos, people tell me I'm photogenic. I think the difference I notice most about people who are photogenic and those who are not is that the photogenic people smile like they are HAPPY, and look like they are almost laughing (but with their teeth closed), and they can even smile up through their eyes (without scrunching their nose). And the not-photogenic people smile like they're thinking of one thing only: "I don't know how to smile for pictures and I know this is going to turn out ugly." So my advice is to believe you're the first type--smile feeling happy and almost laugh but keep your teeth closed and have happy eyes but don't scrunch your nose. Easy! ; ) Just think of a funny joke that makes you laugh every time.
I LOVE the photo of you at the end of this post! Your smile and pose is perfect and fun--and you look like you're thinking of a funny joke (just right!). You look like you ARE happy, as in, you're the kind of best friend I'd like to get to know because you make me feel happy when I'm around you! It's a great shot.
Nicole: Yes, I agree: the more the merrier. Less focus on myself is always a major plus. Unless the other people in my picture are all size 1's. Then, it's not such a good thing. :)
Devree: I love that you used the word "victim" instead of "subject." Perfect! Did you know that you are like a wise shaman that people in the movies and books travel for hundreds of miles to go see to be enlightened? I feel like I've been given guidance and I didn't even have to travel through the deserts of Nevada. I will no longer worry about my granny elbows. I will send you a pair of frilly underwear to show my gratitude.
Anne: You are yet another wise one. If nothing else, when I'm 80, I can look back at my pictures and laugh at my pre-granny elbows. Will you do my hair and make-up for me for my next photo shoot? You do a really good rocker chick look if I remember correctly.
JazznJenna: OK, so teeth closed, no nose scrunching, but a happy laughish look. I got it. I think.
You're the kind of friend I would like to be around because you give the best compliments. Can I get a mini-sized version of you and have you sit on my shoulder? And for your birthday, I'm getting you a lime and a flashlight. (I'm going to do the faux pas and say, "get it?")
Honestly, I was really confused about the lime and the flashlight, UNTIL you said "get it?" But now I get it : )! So there... I am having a strong desire to do away with the faux-pas-nishness of that rule. (Get it?) ; )
Your pictures are cute! You could use them as this month's prize :) I really don't like seeing myself in pictures. "Is that ME?!?" I can't tell if I take bad pictures or if I actually look like that all the time!
But one picture I've always been proud of since I was little was my 3rd grade photo. Instead of saying "cheese", the photographer caught me off guard and told me to say "I eat worms!" so there you go.
I'm with you- I hate having pictures taken of myself. Just last night we spent over an hour taking family pictures with Austins family. Pure torture & I look like a bloated, sweating cow in 99% of them. I believe it's a talent to be photogenic and I got skipped, sorry for not providing you with any advice I feel your pain!
Caitlin: Paulashawn might give pictures of herself out as a gift, but I will not. I'm much too humble for that. :) I will try saying "I eat worms" every time I smile for the camera, but I don't think it will have the same effect. I can picture myself saying "Worms" and my mouth contorting into a Billy Idol snarl. Mony Mony! (Do you even know what I'm talking about, young one?)
bigskyboys: family pictures are like ripping out your eyelashes one at a time! I'm sorry you had to endure that. But really--do cows sweat? If they do, does it come off their udders? Eew. Poor farmers probably have a hard time grabbing hold to milk them if that's the case!
Lori you can send me the frilly underwear but there will be no pictures/videos. Just saying. Also I said "victim" as in "victim of facial paralysis" not "victim of photograph." I think facial paralysis kina trumps photgraphs in tragedies although one accounts for the other...I'll stop talking.
Devree: I'm disappointed that you won't send photos/video. But, I do understand. I girl's got to protect her assets. (Oh that was bad. I'm on cold medicine. Sorry.) And don't stop talking--I need your reminders not to be frivolous and silly!
Post a Comment