Back in the Day

Well guys, I survived getting old. I didn't have to go in for a hip replacement, nor did I have to visit a plastic surgeon, so ... 40 is good!

One thing we old people like to do is sit around on the front porch and talk about the good old days. All of our statements begin with the phrase "Remember when ...."  For example:

Remember when ... watermelon had seeds?

Remember when ... people used their cell phones for talking?      

You've heard old people speak in this manner, right? Well, pull up a rocking chair and let's do some reminiscing. I'll go first, because I'm a conversation hog like that.

Remember when ...

         People wore mom jeans, which acted like a girdle, thus eliminating the dreaded "muffin top?"

         Nickle Creek made awesome bluegrass music?

         Wearing Princess Leah dog ears was THE hairstyle all the groovy girls wore?

         Summer blockbuster movies actually made money?

         People worked out because it was fun and good for them instead of working out because they      
         want others to worship their perfectly sculpted bodies?

         Pong was the coolest video game ever?

         Facebook was a teen hangout?

         It rained?

         I could fill up the VW for 25 bucks?

         I could fill up the Suburban for less than $100?

         You could only watch cartoons on Saturday?

          I could write?

         Salads had to be made "from scratch?"

Ah ...

What do you remember about the good old days? What has changed for the worse since you were a kid, or since last week if you can't remember anything about being a kid or have blocked it out due to being abused by your sister who was just a year older than you but never actually bigger than you?

Can you help me REMEMBER WHEN?

(I almost needed someone to help me remember that this is a prize week, but luckily a piston in my brain fired up before I hit "publish." So check back Thursday for the prize announcement!)

Lori 4.0

It's official.

I'm old.

I turn 40 this week. Yup. It's awesome.

While I've spent most of this past year adamantly proclaiming that I DO NOT have a birthday this year, I've realized there's absolutely nothing I can do about it so I may as well have fun with it. So ...

I'm so old that:

I can use "I forgot" as a legitimate excuse.

I can pretend I didn't hear what you said if it's something I don't want to respond to.

I can pass wind in public and blame it on my squeaky orthopedic shoes. 

I don't have to pretend like I'm cool.

I can stare at people with superfluous body art but pretend like I can't really see them because I forgot my bifocals.

I can yell obscenities and blame it on dementia. 

I can go out for dinner at 2 PM, catch a late matinee and be home in my jammies by 6 PM.

I can ask teenage boys to carry the groceries for me.

While I'm joking with most of these, (except for the last one, because I really do ask my teenage boys to carry groceries, but that doesn't mean that they always do.) as always, my sarcasm reveals some truth. In a lot of ways, it is nice to get older. I'm wiser and use my time better. I don't stress over things that don't really matter. I like who I am inside and I wouldn't trade all my learning experiences that have made me who I am. It's the wrinkles and the droopiness that I've had a harder time accepting (and now I feel super vain for admitting as much .... but it's just that I have to look at myself every single day!) I love what my sweet friend and birthday twin, Jenny, said, "I do feel proud that I have earned every wrinkle, sag and extra layer of fat on my body." :) Isn't she awesome? It reminds me of what my mom used to say, "It's better to have laugh lines than worry wrinkles."

I've realized that I do love wrinkles: especially the ones that show up when someone smiles. I love little flecks of gray hair that show wisdom and experience. I love the serenity that comes with aging and knowing who you are and what you are meant to do. I love that you can take care of your body and still have fun no matter your age. 

I also take comfort knowing that the following people are older than me: 

Yes, they really are. I checked their birth certificates. 

How about you? Are you comfortable with your age? What age do you consider to be "old?" (If anyone says 39, I will automatically delete your comment!) 

If you could become immortal; what age would you want to stay at for eternity? I would pick 19, just because you don't have many responsibilities and you can play play play and eat eat eat and it doesn't catch up with you. 

Do you have any "you're so old" jokes?

And have you ever wondered what the people with the superfluous body art will look like when their skin is wrinkly and droopy? (Can you tell I went to Walmart today?)

If that's not enough questions for you: is there an age that you would never want to repeat? I would say 12. I was awkward (remember the volleyball story?) and incredibly insecure and my personality was like clay. 

So talk to me!  But instead of birthday wishes, gifts can be sent directly to my home or via email. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ...  I WAS TOTALLY KIDDING. Don't spend money on a gift for me: save it for flowers for my funeral which will likely be any day now since I have one foot in the grave! So instead of singing "Happy Birthday," you can sing "Happy One Day Closer To Death-Day to You!" Oh wait, I was supposed to be accepting my birthday. Right. I forgot.

A State of Confusion

Happy Birthday America! This is the best week of the summer, especially if you have dogs and a lake full of vacationers who launch fireworks every night. (Bark, bark, bark!) But all snide comments aside, (say that three times fast. Or ten times slow. Your preference.) I LOVE a week to celebrate our independence, because being free is EVERYTHING. We are a blessed people to live in this land!

I might be of the mindset that while all of America is great, Montana is particularly spectacular. But I realize that's because it is my native state and lots of folks think their native state is the best among the 50. Your state might have lots of unique and amazing aspects, but I ask you this: does your state look like this?

OK, enough bragging. Since I love Montana so much, I thought I would tell you all about it. I'm not going to Google any of this info: it's what I have stored in that hollow cavity called my brain.

1.  Montana is the 4th largest state, and has roughly 1 million people. Only Alaska has fewer people per square mile.

2.  We have TWO national parks.

3.  Helena is the capitol, and before that, it was Virginia City, which now has a population of 5.

4.  Our state motto is Oro e platto, which I know I got the spelling wrong, (remember, I'm not using Google!) but I can pronounce it right-ish and it means Ore and silver. Or something else metallic like that.

5.  We became a state in 1854.

6.  We are known for our wheat and for the city of Butte, which was featured on Buzz Lightyear's rear in Toy Story 2.

7.  Famous Montanans include Gary Cooper, Evel Knievel, and Uncle Ted.

8.  Our state bird is the Meadowlark and the state flower is the bitterroot.

Now I will turn on Google and see how many of these facts I got wrong. I mean right. Because I totally know everything about Montana.

1. I got the first part right, but Wikipedia is telling me we are 48th in population density. I forgot that California has fewer people per square mile than us. Oops. 

2. Right!

3. Right, but I was kidding when I said Virginia City has a population of 5. I think it's really 6. 

4. It's Oro y Plato and it means Gold and Silver, and I totally knew that but my fingers refused to type it. Oro y Plato is also this guys scientific name:

5. I am so ashamed! I was way off. It's 1889. HUGE mistake for a Montana History buff to make. I blame it on the long weekend I had at the Rainbow Gathering. My mind was blown.

6. Yes!

7. Yes! But I forgot Charlie Russell, which is pretty lame of me considering he's my alma mater. What is the mascot for a school named after this famous cowboy painter? Why a rustler, of course. And not just any rustler: a MIGHTY rustler. So. Cool.

8. Yes! and Yes! Also forgot to mention that the grizzly bear is the state animal and the state butterfly is the mourning cloak and the state store is Walmart. 

How much do you know about your state? Do you know its rich history? Do you know why butterflies get their own state category? Do you know why we are having this scorching heat wave?

Here's your challenge:

Tell me all the random facts you know about your state, BUT YOU MAY NOT SEARCH GOOGLE FOR MORE INFORMATION, NOR MAY YOU USE IT TO VERIFY WHAT YOU THINK YOU KNOW. (Yet.)

After you have taken this pop quiz, you need to verify your facts on google. You can keep the comments window open and post just one comment with the facts and the verification, or you may post a second comment after you look up your answers.

So let's see how you do: do you know where you live? I mean really know? Really, really know? Then show me!

Thought this was fun; taken from here.