I'm old.
I turn 40 this week. Yup. It's awesome.
While I've spent most of this past year adamantly proclaiming that I DO NOT have a birthday this year, I've realized there's absolutely nothing I can do about it so I may as well have fun with it. So ...
I'm so old that:
I can use "I forgot" as a legitimate excuse.
I can pretend I didn't hear what you said if it's something I don't want to respond to.
I can pass wind in public and blame it on my squeaky orthopedic shoes.
I don't have to pretend like I'm cool.
I can stare at people with superfluous body art but pretend like I can't really see them because I forgot my bifocals.
I can yell obscenities and blame it on dementia.
I can go out for dinner at 2 PM, catch a late matinee and be home in my jammies by 6 PM.
I can ask teenage boys to carry the groceries for me.
While I'm joking with most of these, (except for the last one, because I really do ask my teenage boys to carry groceries, but that doesn't mean that they always do.) as always, my sarcasm reveals some truth. In a lot of ways, it is nice to get older. I'm wiser and use my time better. I don't stress over things that don't really matter. I like who I am inside and I wouldn't trade all my learning experiences that have made me who I am. It's the wrinkles and the droopiness that I've had a harder time accepting (and now I feel super vain for admitting as much .... but it's just that I have to look at myself every single day!) I love what my sweet friend and birthday twin, Jenny, said, "I do feel proud that I have earned every wrinkle, sag and extra layer of fat on my body." :) Isn't she awesome? It reminds me of what my mom used to say, "It's better to have laugh lines than worry wrinkles."
I've realized that I do love wrinkles: especially the ones that show up when someone smiles. I love little flecks of gray hair that show wisdom and experience. I love the serenity that comes with aging and knowing who you are and what you are meant to do. I love that you can take care of your body and still have fun no matter your age.
I also take comfort knowing that the following people are older than me:
Yes, they really are. I checked their birth certificates.
How about you? Are you comfortable with your age? What age do you consider to be "old?" (If anyone says 39, I will automatically delete your comment!)
If you could become immortal; what age would you want to stay at for eternity? I would pick 19, just because you don't have many responsibilities and you can play play play and eat eat eat and it doesn't catch up with you.
Do you have any "you're so old" jokes?
And have you ever wondered what the people with the superfluous body art will look like when their skin is wrinkly and droopy? (Can you tell I went to Walmart today?)
If that's not enough questions for you: is there an age that you would never want to repeat? I would say 12. I was awkward (remember the volleyball story?) and incredibly insecure and my personality was like clay.
So talk to me! But instead of birthday wishes, gifts can be sent directly to my home or via email. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ... I WAS TOTALLY KIDDING. Don't spend money on a gift for me: save it for flowers for my funeral which will likely be any day now since I have one foot in the grave! So instead of singing "Happy Birthday," you can sing "Happy One Day Closer To Death-Day to You!" Oh wait, I was supposed to be accepting my birthday. Right. I forgot.
14 comments:
Happy early birthday! (That sounds so much better than 'Happy Late Birthday,' which is what 99% of my birthday cards say this year (the ones I send out.))
You are funny. And I'm glad that I know that you're funny and not 'for real' with all of your I'm-old business, because since I'm pretty much the same age as you, I know none of your age description fits me either.
I love your reminder thought that my gray hairs are something to be proud of. I need to stop plucking, for real!
If I could pick any age to stay forever, it might be 39, what I am right now. BUT, could it please be the part of my 39 age that does NOT involve eternal summer vacation!? How about we start the forever part once school starts again? My baby will be in first grade, and all of the other kids are still pre-high school, so I don't have to deal with early morning seminary driving yet ;).
But seriously, this is a great age for me. I'm healthy, and can do what I want with my time (mostly).
If I could pick one age to definitely not revisit, it would be age 22 1/2 to 23 1/2. Too many heartbreaks for me that year, when I wanted to get married so badly and had no promising prospects (I found the hubs right before my 24th birthday). Definitely one of the hardest times of my life.
ANYWAY...I hope you have a really fun birthday! You'll have to let us know what some of the best gifts and jokes are that come your way this week :). BIG BIRTHDAY HUGS to you!!
You're probably going to delete my comment... but I'm having a really hard time that I'm getting so close to 30! When did I start getting so much older? I still feel like I'm 22. And that's probably the age I'd like to stay. I want to keep my life how it is though. Husband, baby, house. Just not get any older.
And the age I would not want to repeat is probably 14-15. High school just isn't that fun. Especially the freshman/sophomore years.
And Happy Birthday!
It is funny the older I get, the older people I associate as old get. ;-) At one point my parents were "old" and now I don't see them as much older than me. I think age is more an attitude of mind than the actual number.
I freaked out before I turned 18. That meant I was almost 20, which was close to 30, then I'd be 40 and that might as well be 50. Thankfully I don't feel the same way any more.
I would never want to go back to early teen years. The awkwardness and lack of self-esteem are things I don't want to have to relive.
As for the age I'd like to stay has to be now. I love the energy and body of my 20year-old self, but then I would not have my 2 babies. So 30s it will be. I do second the idea that we also have endless summer break as well. That would be ideal!
We love you Lori. And even though you are about to turn "old", you will ever be young in our eyes. :-)
Nicole Seipert
Jenna: I'm the queen of late birthdays, but I'm just helping to drag the celebration on even longer, right? Yes, you may start your forever on Sept 1st or whatever day school starts. 39 IS a good age and I will fully enjoy it for another 24 hours! Thanks for the birthday hugs--they felt great!
Nicole Jessop: your comment has been deleted by the blog administrator.
Anonymous Nicole Seipert: It's been forever and a day since the other Nicole has visited the blog! Hooray! I love seeing your name in the comments. I love seeing your face in my house even more ... just sayin. I'm giggling that you panicked at 18 because you knew it was all downhill from there. I hope you didn't have to go to therapy to overcome that fear. :)
Nicole Jessop again: I was just kidding. I wouldn't delete you. Your baby would be sad without you around. Becoming a mommy does instantly make you feel older and when you add a birthday in right after that it can lead to an age crisis! I totally understand. But be assured you are very very young. How do you know you are young? Look in your make-up bag and see if anything says anti-wrinkle or age-renewal or skin repair. Nothing like that in your bag? Then you've got nothing to worry about girlfriend! :)
What is awesome about 30's is my makeup case has wrinkle and pimple cream that I frequently use at the same time!
We love ya Lori, and sorry I don't speak up more on your blog. It is my fav ya know. :-) Have a super birthday! Hope Matt treats ya well.
Nicole Seipert
Happy Birthday Lori!!
You seem to be eternally youthful to me. You still look 19!
I would have to agree with Nicole S. Age is really more a state of mind. Although there is no denying our bodies do change with age and the biggest thing I've noticed is healing takes longer each year.
I don't think I can pick an age I'd like to be forever...yet. I'm pretty happy with where I am at right now but maybe 5 or 10 years down the road I think those are the best years of my life and I'd hate to be stuck at 29 forever if that is the case.
I wouldn't want to be a teenager again. 12-15 was the worst for me I think. So awkward, so shy...so many changes all the time. I'm really glad that is a once in a life time experience.
I hope you have a fantastic day! I hope your kids do a little more than just carrying groceries for you today :)
Nicole S--I've always thought that acne helps me look youthful, but at this point I think it's just pathetic! You don't need to worry about speaking up more on the blog--that might mean kid #4 will have to eat more meals on the pot and nobody wants that! :)
Anne: have you noticed how much more it hurts when you fall too? And how much it hurts to sit on the floor for long periods of time? I always look like I'm 80 when I get up! You were shy? I don't remember you being shy Ms. Social Butterfly! Thanks for your well wishes--it's better than the sympathy card I just got. :)
Hi my name is Audrey, remember me? I am leaving this comment on your birthday so- Happy Birthday! You must be really brave to put your age on your blog :). Actually, I am very comfortable with my age,(my age is 9 by the way)and I don't consider myself old.-I did NOT say 39. If I could stay one age forever, I would pick age 6. I lived in Eugene,OR at that time, and that's my favorite place in the world.I also had my first birthday party at age 6, and it was in one of my favorite places to hangout. I would not like to repeat age 87 'cause i did not make good choices. bye.77
Audrey meant 7, not 87. :)
Do you remember the time someone asked you if your adult nephew was your son? And you were far from being 40 then! And do you remember the time your VTer asked you if you were a mute? Oh wait, that was my experience.
Sorry. A sister is supposed to give her sister a hard time on her birthday. That's just how it goes.
I like Anne's comment about loving the present but having faith that things only continue upward. With the experience beyond her years that I have, I would say that's soooo true. I keep thinking life can't get any better than it is, only to have it get better again and again.
I would say that it isn't my age that I would like to freeze, but my kids' age. I love them all today (see the above paragraph) but there is something pretty miraculous about being in a home with children protected from the influence of the adversary. Childhood is such a special time and it's so fun to be a part of shaping the habits and attitudes of our future leaders of the home, family and community.
You're not old yet, Lori. You'll know you're old when you are living near a temple in a warm climate with your widowed sisters. But even then life will be wonderful!
Sorry I'm a wee bit late, I was at a family reunion at Ensign ranch. and I spent most of my time driving through Montana. Imagine that!
Okay, oldness....
I'm pretty okay being 19. Sometime I wish I was 20ish so that all the perfect mature guys (that are freaking awesome RMs) wouldn't think I'm not worth dating anymore because I'm younger than their little sister. My older brother's girlfriend is 15 days younger than me! Didn't stop him! Her birthday's today.
I say you're old when you feel old. There's no age limit to being young. You're just old when you think you are. My Grandma said she'd hear people talk about an old woman in the room and she'd look around before realizing that old woman is her.
I feel like I'd wan to be 25 forever. I don't like being 19 so much to be 19 forever. I mean think of Edward Cullen and all the other Cullen kids; they have to be in high school forever. Yuck!
I have "Your momma's so old" jokes; "Your momma's so old she sat behind Jesus in the 2nd grade" and "Your momma's so old she waited tables at the Last Supper." Thank you tank you. I'll be here all week.
When I was in 4th grade my friend's mom had a "rose" tattooed on her tummy. Two babies later she had to tell us what it was. Whenever I think about tattooed I think about this lady who had a Calvin and Hobbs cartoon tattooed on her back. Won't be able to read that in 10 years!
I wouldn't want to repeat middle school. Or the end of Freshman year. That was dreadful. But the beginning of Freshman year I was HOTTTTTT! :) And that's my tale.
Audrey: Of course I remember you!I'm sorry to hear that 7 was a bad age for you, but I'm glad you learned from your mistakes! You sound so wise for your age--are you sure your 9? You might need to have your mom show you your birth certificate as proof, because I've heard of parents lying about their kid's age so they can have them be Little League stars when they are really too old to play Little League. If you are really good at baseball, you're going to want to question your mom about this! JK! Enjoy being 9 and tell someone to hurry and find Neverland so you never have to grow up! :)
Paulashawn: Do you remember all the times when people have asked you if your older sister is your younger sister? And how many years are between you and Janice??? Sorry, but that's what you get for bringing up that painful memory. I'm just wondering why you are assuming we are all going to outlive our husbands. Is it because grandma lived to 103 or because your hubby can't keep up with you on your mountain bike? And I'm also wondering if you'll let me keep my coke in the fridge or will I have to hide that under my bed? And ... can we have a swimming pool? I'll promise not to skinny dip.
Devree: you drove through Montana and you didn't stop to say hi??? Rude, rude, rude! But I hope you had fun! But still, rude, rude, rude! True, being stuck in high school would be AWFUL, except where else can you meet hot mortals with great smelling blood? Your jokes totally cracked me up. I also love that you said you are old when you feel old. I don't feel old so that means I'm still 29. BTW, my birthday candles said 29, so it must be true! Yay! I'm not old after all!
Since I'm so old, I can't remember what age was the best! I liked the mid 20's up through the 30's. But, believe it or not, 40 has not been so bad. Yes, things are getting flabbier and gravity is pulling everything down, but I like the experiences that have come with all that!
I would not want to go through 11 through 19 again. If I could just have my skin from 19, that would be great!
Hope you had a great birthday. Was any botox involved?
(You don't need it!)
Janice
Janice: did you purposely post this week instead of last to remind me that there is no escaping my age? And the very fact that you mentioned Botox makes me worry that you think I really do need Botox! You've given me a complex! :) The best thing about things getting flabbier is that when you wave, your under-arm keeps waving for a good fifteen seconds after you've stopped waving! It's like it's extra friendly and wants to send extra love! So ... I suddenly feel like doing about 50 push-ups tonight--who's with me?
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