Has there ever been a time when something went bump in the night and you were terrified? Have you experienced the true terror that makes you go like this:
In case you haven't seen these photos yet (um, hello--where've you been? They're even
more popular than grumpy cat these days.) you can find some right here.
This is what we call Sheer Terror and it's one of those rare moments when your brain completely shuts down and the only thing you can think is "AHHHHHHHHH!" I experienced this that time Paulashawn hid in the back of my dark car and slowly emerged while driving down the road. It could have ended badly for both of us, but especially for the girl who was in the trunk, not wearing a seat belt. But we averted disaster when my brain finally regained function and went to the next phase: revenge, which has been served slightly cold here on the blog for the past two years.
Then there's Holy Horror, which is when you quickly say a prayer, thinking it will be your last as you see your life flash before your eyes. I've had this happen twice, and both times it was child-birth related. The first was with child #1 (who is now a man! Look at him! Isn't he handsome?)
Anyway, the anesthetist (I'm sorry if that caused me to spittle on you when I typed that word) missed and the fluid went somewhere it didn't belong and my blood pressure fell off the chart and I thought, "I'm going to be one of the .01% who die from an epidural!" I don't think I even had time to repent before they got me back to normal. Phew. And then, with child #5, something went wonky with the anesthesia again, (my medical terminology is indubitable) but this time it was as they prepped me for a c-section, and my heartbeat slowed to 30 beats a second. I could hear the sloooow beep ......... beep .......... beep and I thought, "Oh my poor hubby. How is he going to take care of all these kids by himself?" And then they fixed me and I was able to go back to living my old heathen ways.
Then there's Mommy Fear, which happens anytime you worry your children might be having a holy horror experience. This happens to me anytime I hear an ambulance and my children (especially the teenagers) are off in a different direction. This also happens any time I get a phone call from the teens that begins with, "So I was driving and ...."
I think life is plenty scary without zombies and goblins and headless shoplifting teachers and all, don't you? Tell me about all the different times you've experience FEAR in all its forms. I'll be waiting right here, biting my nails and watching my hair turn gray. Go ahead, scare me!
This is a public service reminder that would be ticking across the bottom of your screen if only I had the time to figure out how to master such a technical wonder to remind you that this month's prize will be announced next Tuesday, the 28th. Thank you for your support.
10 comments:
Hi Lori! I bet I scared you by not commenting earlier, right? It was all just part of the fear-inducing plan, he he.
My brother scared me out of my wits when I was about 12 or so. He had just finished painting his face with glow-in-the dark white paint, in the design of a really scary scull. He went into MY dark room to look in the mirror so that he could see how glowy it was. I just happened to be entering my room as he was leaving. I screamed pretty bad, and can still see the scene clearly in my mind. He didn't do it on purpose, but he thought it was SO funny.
Another time I got really scared was when I was entering an elevator with my 4 little kids. As the doors were opening, my smallest child got their hand stuck in the elevator door (not the center between the two doors, but on the far right side, where the door was retracting). I thought for sure his hand was going to be crushed. My kids got on my case for saying a naughty word as I pulled his little arm and hand free. No harm done. Whew!
Oh, I remember one more time. When I was in 1st grade I played T-ball. I went to use the bathroom. I got locked in! I was crying and kicking the door but no one helped me until someone came to tell me it was my turn to bat. That's when they were able to help un-jam the door and I was freed from eternal bathroom doom. That was scary.
Okay, one more. I woke up one morning to find that my husband had never come home. It was 6 in the morning. I was freaking out, and started calling all of his friends at 6 in the morning. I finally found that he had just pulled an all-nighter studying at his friend's house. He thought he had communicated to me well enough, but apparently he hadn't. I don't like those kinds of scares...but at least they're not as bad as all of the nightmares I have (had one last week) where my kids get lost or neglected--by me.
Now I'm all ready to hit the sack, and dream up all sorts of sugar plum dreams. Thanks :)! ;)
Sheer terror: When Shay comes out of my closet when I've closed my door and lay down to bed and scares me. Then I hit him because I claim I'm mad he's in my room but I'm really mad that he scared the pants off me.
Holy horror: when I trip over my own feet but don't fall down in a dangerous or isolated area.
Oh daddy dear: when my daddy does something teenager-tish because he forgot he's an old man like jump off the roof or skip from rock to rock.
The mommy one: when I'm babysitting and I can see the kid falling but I can't get there or react fast enough so they fall head over heels.
Friends! I was so worried everyone had been translated without me! Phew! That's a huge relief.
Jenna: No wonder you don't like Halloween: you were traumatized by a costume at the tender young age of 12! I'm so sorry. Therapy? Maybe? (just joshing.) (I wonder if people named Josh get offended when people use that phrase.) What naughty word did you say? Poop? I've gotten in trouble by my kids for using that one too. Were you kind to the person who freed you from the bathroom stall? Because when I was about the same age, I got lost at the mall and I slugged the lady who tried coming to my aid. (Stranger danger!) (We weren't taught that back in my day, I was just an ornery child. Truth.) Oh, and I had a night like yours when hubby was working super late and I woke up at 3 a.m. and called him to make sure he was still alive, but this was back in the day before cell phones, so I just dialed his number and a LADY answered. I was dazed and confused. And then I realized I had dialed my girlfriend's number instead of his. Ooooopsss.
Devree: Really: your pants came off? How does that happen? Didn't you have a belt on and you were just holding your pants up with your hands, but then you let go so your hands could go into panic/preparatory ninja mode and they fell down??? And I wonder if pants get offended when people use that phrase. They've got to be all, "man, you really think I'd just come off like that, just because she was scared? Dude, it takes more than a mild heart attack to bring me down." (bring me down. Ha ha. Get it?) Wondering if you should try wearing roller skates everywhere you go; can't really trip over your feet when they're just rolling along. (rolling along. Ha ha. Get it? (That one wasn't funny. I don't get it either.)) And remind me to never have you babysit. And is your dad really an "old man" or is he just a little bit old, like me? :0
Well I was like in bed with the covers over me when he came to stand over me and scare me so if the did come off he wouldn't know. They were elasticy pjs so i should have needed a belt... Man if I wore roller skates i would fall a LOT more. If I have trouble with the ground firmly under me imagine if I was on wheels. No bueno. Don't worry the only one that ever fell over was this top heavy toddler and he never got hurt. I mean, really, BY DESIGN he's supposed to fall over at some point. My dad is at least ten years older than you and every kid calls they're dad an old man.
Well it looks like Jenna and Devree were the only ones not translated! Sorry girls, you must be heathens like me. Jenna, it's our potty mouths that got us. Devree, it's your ... um ... um... I have no idea why you are still here Devree! (Would joking about people being translated be considered blaspheme? Great, add that to my already looong list.)
Devree: Phew, glad to know you didn't suffer from indecent exposure. So you're not going to apply for a job at Sonic? Nuts, you could have gotten a discount! (Oh how I love their drinks!) (BTW, we are supposed to get a Sonic in the valley. We so metropolitan now!) You crack me up: did he have a big head? And if so, did he grow into it? It reminds me of Janice's chihuahua puppy that would tip over every time he tried to eat his food. Poor fella. It's a wonder he didn't starve to death. So it's ok to call your dad old, because 10 years is a lot a lot. And you are right, kids are supposed to call their dads old man. Good thing they can never call their moms their old woman or someone might DIE.
Okay, you know how sometimes you put a lot of thought into something and so you think you did it, but really, you didn't? That was me all this week with this blog post. So, here I am doing it finally after realizing that I never posted!
"S-word" fear- all slithering creatures petrify me. Seriously. Talking about them gives me a huge panic attack. When I landscaped, I was at a job that had rattlers. I was THE ONLY person they sent the whole week (sometimes by my lonesome!) and they knew how scared I was. I couldn't even walk through the weeds to turn on/off the water. I had nightmares every night. And when I talk about them, I have to life my feet up off the floor because one just might slither by (and yes, they are up now). And I can't say or type the name. It scares me. And I seriously don't know how I go camping or adventuring in the mountains. It's an out of mind thing I think. Once it occurs to me that I'm in a place where they might be lurking, all of a sudden, I scrutinize each step I take and the surrounding area.
Sitting on the toilet in the dark fear- This links back to the first one. When I was in 3rd grade, my teacher read a book about a boy who goes to the bathroom and sees an "s word" in the bottom of the toilet. Well, every since then, I HATE going to the bathroom at night in the dark. When I was pregnant and getting up like 10 times a night, I insisted on buying a nightlight for the bathroom.
Limbs hanging over the edge of the bed fear- As a kid, I use to watch the cartoon Tales of the Crypt on Saturday mornings. It usually wasn't too scary but I remember a couple episodes terrified me and I could not have any limbs hanging over the edge of the bed because something might grab me. I since like to have my feet hanging over the edge of the bed but since I was so against having my arms hanging over for so long, it still is very uncomfortable having my arms hanging over the edge of the bed.
The sleeping baby fear- Woe betide you if anyone wakes the baby up while she's sleeping. Anytime there is a loud noise it's an instant cringe and checking to see if it woke her up.
That's all I can remember right now…
Oh! I forgot one!
The Slow Motion Terror- when something bad is about to happen and you don't have time to stop it so you just watch it in slow motion. This happened the other day to my sister and her make up brush and the toilet. It also happened to me and my oatmeal face planting off the table.
Nicole: welcome to mom-brain! It's loads of fun not knowing if you are coming or going. Or both at the same time! You could have just skipped this week and let us continue to believe that you'd been translated! ... So how did you handle the Harry Potter s-word that doesn't mean the other s-word like I thought you were saying at first? How did you handle Harry speaking Parseltongue? That gave me a serious case of the chills and I only have a moderate-to-extreme fear of s-words. And really, who wrote that s-word but not that other s-word in the toilet book ... and why? Did they not think of what it would do to all the children? And did they not think of how it could be construed as something else? Sheesh. Authors. You must tell us more about the oatmeal face planting, and possibly show us pictures! (Oatmeal is great for skin BTW.)
No, Not the naughty "s" word ;) Here's a link to the book: http://www.amazon.com/Theres-Snake-Toilet/dp/0671870890 I forgot to add that in college, something like this actually happened! Someone found a boa constrictor that had gotten loose in an apartment building (not student housing) and it was found in the bathroom ceiling of another apartment. I don't know why my teacher never thought that this might traumatize some of us. I should look her up and tell her some day. Oh, and then there was this story http://abcnews.go.com/US/snake-house-family-home-idaho-turns-satans-lair/story?id=13851600
I would just die. I told Steven if I ever found one in the house, he gets to pack it up and we're moving. I'll never set foot in the house again.
And in response to Harry Potter, I confess there are parts of the movies that I have never seen. I did okay reading the books. But like when Snape dies (sorry, spoiler) I haven't seen that part of the movie ever. Hearing it is bad enough.
I didn't face plant into my oatmeal, although that would have been funny. I accidentally knocked my oatmeal off the table and in slow motion it flipped upside down and landed in a perfect bowl shape and the bowl landed upside down on top of it. If only there had been some clean way to just flip it back over. But alas, there was not. So I scooped it into the bowl, threw it away, and had Gibbs lick the floor clean. He was happy and it was at least cleaned up off the floor until I could come home and clean it later.
Nicole: Oh dear, I saw your comment, but then I forgot to come back and reply. Sorry to leave you hanging: that was rude, rude, rude. But I was just to traumatized by the video of the snake house that I couldn't even come into my house all weekend! Seriously, I was in a hotel in town because I knew it would be safer! (My nose is growing by the second.) I don't know how that family lasted 3 months. I would have made it a day ... maybe. Thank Gibbs for being there to clean up after you; and I'm glad to hear you didn't have to do an unwanted oatmeal face-scrub!
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