We are going to talk about H. E. Double hockey-sticks.
More specifically, let's talk about Dante's Inferno.
This a real, live place called Door to Hell in Turkispakishstanish. It is not on my bucket list of dream destinations. It scares me. I'm going to have nightmares. No, you may not interpret nightmares about Lori going to the Door to Hell, thank you very much!
You remember reading Dante's Inferno in high school, right? (Devree, this should still be fresh in your mind! And no, not because you are a heck-child, but because you were in high school more recently than the rest of us.) I don't know why this piece of literature stuck with me when not a lot else did, but I found this piece fascinating.
So this fella, Inferno, goes on a journey (wait, I think I got that backwards. It was Dante, not Inferno. My bad!) to the center of the Earth with Brenden Fraser and Josh Hutcherson in search of dinosaurs or something or other, but instead, finds the 9 circles of HELL. At the gate to hell (BTW, my older siblings all attended a high school called HELLGATE. Yikes. That would be a scary place to get an education!) he saw a sign that said, "Fool me once; shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on the other guy." (No, it really said ABANDON ALL HOPE, YE WHO ENTER HERE. I don't think I would have gone in, would you?)
Dante proceeds through the 9 circles and learns of the different sins and their accompanying punishments, like souls being blown about in a fierce windstorm, without ever resting. Fascinating, yes?
Well guess what? You don't have to travel to the center of the Earth to find the 9 circles of hell. Yes, some of them are right here on the surface! But, most of these are not everlasting, and we do have the opportunity to run away from said heckness whenever we want, so we are going to need to use our imaginations. Let's pretend that these 9 circles are real, and that once you get inside the circle you can never leave, never sleep--never get respite from the circle.
Here's mine:
Circle #1 Flat-ab-u-less: (You see what I did there?) Being forced to look at internet pictures of mothers with amazing abs and explanations of how you, too, can get these abs with only 10 minutes a day (even if you've had 20 kids!)
Circle #2 Gluteny: Being forced to eat only bread and rolls with no fruits, no fiber, no almonds.
Circle #3 Annoyingnessness: One song looping continuously, and that song is "What Does The Fox Say."
Circle #4 Gloomy Roomy: Nonstop rain and gray, stormy skies
Circle #5 Miley Cyrus: Miley Cyrus
Circle #6 Authorlessless: Have a plethora of wonderful story ideas, but the inability to form words into coherent sentences. And stuff.
Circle #7 Crabby Mommydom: having at least one of your 5 children complain about EVERY meal you slave over.
Circle #8 Trickle-Stream Netflicks: streaming so slow that you can't watch all your favorite shows, including White Collar.
Circle #9 Endless Laundry Land: it never ends.
This is in refrence to Circle #1. I like pictures of Redneck Abs much better.
What kinds of things make you feel like you are living in your own personal bad place, especially if you were forced to relive it over and over and over again? Will you take me through your 9 circles of hell? And will you forgive me for typing that damning word so many times? But, 'tis the season, no?
Also, just FYI, I'm doing a teeny tiny schedule change. There's 5 weeks of October, and who needs to hear from me 5 times this month? (I talk to my family 6 times a month and they think that's WAY too much.) So, next week will be the last post for the month BUT, I'll post the winner on the following Tuesday (the 29th) instead. I'll keep with that schedule for the rest of the year, so 3 weeks of posts and one week of winning. That should work well with the lighter, fluffier, but more filling holidays which are forthcoming in the foreseeable future. O-kazay?
10 comments:
For me, I think all nine would be the same.. GROUND HOG DAY.. that feeling that everything is repeaing itself over and over.
Did I mention Ground Hog Day? You know where everything repeats itself..deja vu
I'll get back to you on my 9 hells. But I just had to say that picture made my day! Thanks for the good laugh this morning.
1- Constant news feeds of annoying celebrities (miley cyrus, lindsay lohan, kim kardashian, etc)
2- Year round school. I need my breaks so I don't go insane. This is a short week for Fall Recess and I NEED it! A four day weekend to snuggle my sweet baby! Too bad two of those days are driving :(
3- Driving non-stop through ugly lands (like from Utah to Texas)
4- Dog hair EVERYWHERE!
5-Things I bake not turning out - most frustrating thing ever. Luckily, it doesn't happen often.
6-Naughty kids.... It drives me crazy when kids aren't taught respect and they're total brats and talk back (see, I need a rejuvenating weekend)
7-Trashy songs playing nonstop. I woke up this morning with a song I hate in my head. Why is it never the good ones?
8- Political news feed. I keep up enough to know what is going on, but this back and forth drama bull crap from the capital wears me out. Especially that nothing is being done to change it. I have to block it out as much as I can.
9- Obama pictures everywhere. Like Big Brother-esque stuff. Including pictures of his wife. She bugs me too.
Jenna: I will volunteer to have my imperfect body photographed for the sake of humanity! (I have never been more sarcastic in my life, just in case you couldn't tell!) But yes, I agree: somebody needs to do something! Your Illiterateland cracked me up. Did you know it borders teenagerland, because there's some seriously lacking grammar skills there too! (No offense to intelligent teenagers everywhere. I'm just referring to the ones who listen to rap.)And your clutterland: it is so close to my house that stuff spews over from there all the time. Seriously, this isn't all my crap that clutters the house!
Mary: ha ha. It's no coincidence that Groundhog Day is in February: the month that feels like BLAH over and over again!
bigskyboys: glad to make you laugh with me instead of AT me, like you probably do when you see how winded I become trying to follow you up a trail!
Nicole: Yes, yes yes! From your list, I can see that we need to get rid of news, children, dogs, and Obama! Some of those things have redemptive qualities and we might be able to look past their annoyingness and keep them around, but the others: not so much!
Circle #1 Redundancy: One album playing over and over and over and over. Doesn’t matter what album, if you play it enough times, it’s maddening.
Circle #2 Poor eats: being forced to eat like you live in a third world country which means not eating sometimes. (Says the chick surrounded by food as she types this.)
Circle #3 Pain-in-the-Pelvis: Constant pain in my hip and thigh (like I currently have just not constantly) that makes you look like you crapped your pants or have a wooden leg and there’s no pain killers.
Circle #4 Lack-stick: no chapstick. Not even the crummy dollar tree kind. So I forever have chapped bleeding lips.
Circle #5 SMELLS….BAAAAAAAD: No deodorant, to teeth-brushing, no showers no soap, nada.
Circle #6 Incessant Whining: having to listen to obsessively negative people who never say anything good (like watching the news)
Circle #7 Research Everything: Writing continuous research papers.
Circle #8 Watching chick-flick after chick-flick and being constantly reminded that you’ll never have that kind of romance and love in your life
Circle #9 Surrounded by happy cooing and laughing babies but not being able to hear or hold them and knowing you’ll never have any of your own.
CuteandCleverDevree: First you made me laugh, then you made me cry. You gave me a case of bipolarness! Do you think Elvis ever suffered from Pain-in-the-Pelvis? Just adopt his dance moves and people will think you are an Elvis impersonator instead of a pirate with a wooden leg. And sorry to ruin your vision of heck, but circles #8 and #9 are not allowed! Do not use the word "never" Devree! You are not to say it, never ever! Someday you are going to have 50 boyfriends and 100 kids. You'll be the octomom times twelve and a half! You'll have your own TV show and you'll have all the best chapstick money can buy. I'll be your granny nanny. Deal?
Well Lori, each layer of hell is supposed to be worse than the one before, correct? I can be good with a hundred kids. i'll be like the old lady who lived in a shoe! And yes, you can be my granny nanny. However, I only want one guy to have my heart, not 50. Starting at 0 boyfriend I don't want to go through 49 before I find the father of my 100 children. :j
Devree: I don't remember those kind of details! Don't you remember how old I am? So that's why you made me laugh and then cry! It's no wonder you are a straight A student. Would you like me to write to your English professor and tell her how smart you are so you can get extra credit for your very creative and insightful thoughts on hell? But you probably don't need the extra credit, do you? Devree, I feel like the old lady in a shoe almost every day of my life, and I only have 5 kids. Bless you for agreeing to take 100. ;) And bless you for not wanting to break 49 hearts. You ARE a saint!
Well, to be honest, I never actually read that book. It was never assigned. I'm just going off of hear-say. Yeah I don't think my English teacher would like that very much but he's really funny. I'm not saint-like, I just live day to day. I also just fell in a hole. For real. Saints don't do those sort of things.
Devree: I'm disappointed that you didn't read it just for fun. I hope you start reading it, this very weekend--and don't stop until you are finished! I'm sorry you fell in a hole. I think someone was trying to sabotage you. Or maybe someone wanted to watch to see if you would respond as a saint and merely dust yourself off and say, "I beg your pardon." That is how you reacted, isn't it? (If it was me, I might have sworn because I probably had a momentary panic that hell was opening up and swallowing me!)
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