Here's a shot from yesterday:
Here's February
Here's January
Here's December:
Did your eyes go numb? (If it's just your eyes, consider yourself lucky. My bum has been numb all winter.)
But! You didn't come here to talk about the weather, did you? Let's talk about something exciting instead.
Like me! (I'm super exciting. I take pictures of snow.)
I would consider myself a nice person. I know how to be polite. I know to hold my tongue (most of the time.) I know how to compliment (never insincere, btw.) I would never intentionally say something rude or demeaning to someone else.
But I do it to myself ALL THE TIME.
My inner dialogue is HORRIBLE.
I probably call myself an idiot twenty times a day. (I never say it out loud. I don't want to give my kids any ideas.)
If I leave someone a message and I can't find the right words, I call myself a nerd.
If I don't get anything accomplished while the kids are at school, I call myself lazy.
I am my own worst enemy.
Are you this way? Do you talk to yourself in such an offensive manner?
When I was younger (that was such a long time ago I can scarcely remember it) I used to think certain people were near perfection. They did everything right. They looked right. They oozed with confidence. But now I've come to realize that EVERYONE is insecure. Some people just hide it better. I suspect that people who hide it better don't continually demean themselves to themselves. (This is when it would be fun to have multiple personalities because you could demean someone else to yourself and it would still be demeaning yourself to yourself. That was ... dizzying.)
Let's talk about insecurity. Wikipedia says this: insecurity is a feeling of general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving of oneself to be vulnerable or inferior in some way, which threatens one's self-image or ego. Can someone be immune to that? I think not.
I found quotes from a bunch of celebrities who you would think would have self-confidence dripping off their fingertips: but they said things like: "As I get more successful, insecurities only pile on top of one another." (Olivia Wilde) and "I'm an optimistic, joyous person, but I'm also afraid and insecure." (Sandra Bullock) I think that those who are in the limelight might have even more insecurities as they know that every step they make will be observed, judged, and then discussed by everyone on social media. (Thinking of Jennifer Lawrence right now. Poor girl. Thank goodness that wasn't me on the red carpet or I would have tripped 5 or 6 times.)
I used to wonder how people could be overly confident or even arrogant, but now I think that those who are snobbish are possibly more insecure than the rest, as they rely on their money, their appearance, their clothes, their intellect--whatever it may be that causes them to be snooty--to feel valued and important.
But know this: if someone is better than you at something, that doesn't make them better than you. (truly a dizzying intellect. Read it again. Slowly. There you go. Did you get it?) If someone is a better writer than me, that doesn't mean that they are a better person than me. That doesn't mean their life is worth more. And besides, BETTER is a matter of opinion anyway. If someone looks better than me in a bathing suit, that doesn't mean I'm less of a person. Quite literally, I am MORE of a person in that case. Ha ha. Ha. Don't you think if we could eliminate comparisons, we would be able to eliminate many of our insecurities as well?
So just stop it already, will ya? (I was talking to myself right there. Mostly. But also a little to you. And you. And also you.)
What are my particular insecurities? Mostly, I hate looking stupid. I hate saying something others might think stupid. (One good solution to this problem would be to hang out with Patrick Star.) I worry about writing something that might be construed as stupid.
I am insecure about my clumsiness, which typically makes me more clumsy.
I am insecure about not being a good enough mother. I'm insecure about not being a good enough wife. I'm insecure about not being a good enough homemaker. I'm insecure about not being good enough in general.
But I am enough. Can we all say that out loud, every morning? (Without the but. We don't need to bring my butt into this conversation. Again.)
I AM ENOUGH.
Will you tell me what your insecurities are? Please? Don't make me feel foolish for letting this all hang out! Will you tell me what your inner-dialogue is like? And most importantly, will you tell me what you do to overcome negative inner-dialogue and insecurities? Help a friend. Share your wisdom!
By the way (wow that looks really weird written out. It's been years since I've done that.) this isn't me fishing for compliments. I'm not asking you if this dress makes me look fat! So we're done talking about Lori. Just talk about you. And thank you. You are awesome.
9 comments:
The thing I criticize myself for most often might be for "looking fat." Mostly around the stomach area. I know this is dumb, and that I am fine, but particularly during the second half of each month (on my body's calendar month, not the calendar calendar's month), I FEEL fat, so I worry that I LOOK fat. Very NOT FUN.
I am also insecure about my driving. I worry that other people on the road are often saying or wondering what in the world I think I'm doing, doing such and such weird things on the road (such as turning the wrong way down a one-way street. Yes, I've done that before at some most inopportune times).
I'm also insecure about giving Sunday School lessons!!! I cried on the way home from church after my last one. I'm mostly over it now though...
I was giving my son a pep talk the other day, when he was getting ready for his first big jazz band performance. It was the same pep talk I give myself before I go on stage every time...and I couldn't believe the thought that went through my mind AS I was saying the words, because I felt like I could/should be saying them to my post-Sunday-School-lesson self. I said (and this is for you too, Lori), "You're going to do great. You're going to do fine. I've got news for you...It's not going to be perfect, and THAT'S OKAY!! I can guarantee you're going to make some mistakes. Some parts where you thought you would mess up you're going to do well, and some parts where you didn't anticipate flubbing, you will. But it's all going to be great in the end if you're doing your best. Trust me :). You're awesome, and we both know it! So, go have some fun!"
That's my advice. You can write that on your mirror with a Sharpie if you want! :D
Hi Lori! *BIG HUG* I haven’t talked to you in forEVER! So you were talking about JLaw. Did you know she and Nicholas Hoult (one of my new favorite actors) are engaged? You probably did. I’m on another planet from the loop. They are two of my fave celebs so I think they deserve each other. Much more that when Demi Lovato dated Nick Jonas. BLECH! Or was it Joe…?
Anywho, I feel like a have a great number of insecurities.
I don’t have hair and get super self-conscious when a guy I’m not related to walks into our apartment because I’m usually not wearing hair.
My smile is scawamped and a little creepy frankly.
It’s really hard to make my eye make-up look good and even because my eyes don’t look like each other.
I have many fabulous scars on my body but I imagine not everyone thinks they’re fabulous.
I HATE saying anything stupid but love saying things that are witty so I say things I think are witty but are really stupid.
I feel like there’s something wrong with me when I’m the only girl in the group that doesn’t get asked on a date or when I even ask a guy and they don’t ask me on a follow up date.
Okay rant over. One of the big things that help me is to not think about it anymore. I know sometimes I’ll be in a crappy funk so I’ll have to chill. Sometimes I’ll read my Patriarchal blessing, sometimes I’ll try to serve others. But usually I’ll stop looking in the mirror, I’ll put on a hat, I’ll listen instead of speak, I’ll hang out with my friends and do something fun. It is fine. No one comments on these physical abnormalities unless they’re a child or curious (or obnoxious and rude but that’s irrelevant.) I may not have a date but I have self-worth. And that’s the most important thing.
Oh man, that’s a lot of words again. Oh, well. I think I deserve all of them this time! OH MAN! I ate all my Flipz writing this! I’ll have to buy some more… Love you Lori!
Jenna: I'm right there with you on your first paragraph. Does this mean we are looking forward to menopause? I love your pep speech. You helped me to realize that my problem is perfectionism. I'm too hard on myself when things aren't perfect. Therefore I have decided to not care about anything anymore. I'm going backwoods hermit momma and I will no longer clean my house, get dressed or even leave the house. Oh wait. I already do that. Then why do I still care? (You're going to send my to therapy after this post, aren't you?)
DEVREE!DEVREE!DEVREE!: I've been missing you! But you came back just in time because you were meant to comment on this post! Like always, you are so so wise! Stop looking in the mirror-yes! Perfect. The more we "look" at ourselves, the more we see imperfections. The more we share ourselves with others, the better we feel! LISTEN INSTEAD OF SPEAK. Oh Devree, you nailed it! The world doesn't need me to say something genius, people just need some listening ears. Self worth is way more important that any date--love you girl!You could be a therapist! (I don't know who JLaw's beau is. I am ashamed. I will now go google so I can be on the same planet as you.)
I am insecure about my voice. Yes, we are revisiting that AGAIN! I also am insecure about coming across/sounding like a backwoods hillbilly. Really, who wants to look stupid? Basically I shouldn't speak and everything would be just fine.
We all should spend more time appreciating our finer qualities. WE ARE ENOUGH! (and I don't just mean our backends).
bigskyboys: your voice is lovely. Especially when you sing opera. And when you yodel. JK. But, really, your voice is so YOU. If we took it away from you you'd just be another beautiful, smart, talented, dynamic, motivated, compassionate momma. And you don't want that! :) My finer quality is my ability to munch almonds nonstop and never get tired of them. If that's not something, I don't know what is.
I am insecure about my weight as well. Mostly because I know I could do more about it. I just really like the yummy food I cook and don't want to stop eating those things. I'm actually usually pretty good about not eating junk food with pop as my exception. I've gotten insecure about being a good wife. I'd rather play with my baby than clean the house or spend hours making dinner like I used to (also, she gets mad if I stop paying attention for too long) so the house is in constant disarray.
Nicole: There's a law that says you're not allowed to worry about your weight when you have wee little ones. Don't break the law or you could be subject to a huge fine! And possibly even torture! You must not think these thoughts! But when you are 40 and your baby is 9 (yes, 9! It's her bday today!)you are free to criticize yourself all you want. Also, don't feel bad for having your house in disarray. You will never regret spending time doting on your baby. She's more important than an immaculate house. If it gets to the point where you can't find her amongst the mess, it will be time to clean, otherwise just let it go! That's right LET IT GO. And now that song is stuck in your head all day. You're welcome.
9?! Well, Happy Birthday! It's a very good one, as she shares the day with my awesome little sister. And, I know I have no excuse with all of the covers going around…. but I have never heard Let it Go. I confess. Also, I never regret playing with my baby over cleaning :) It's much more fun.
Nicole: if you haven't heard Let It Go, you will not be invited to Ms. Bean's birthday party. Sorry, but that's just the way it is! Tell your sis happy day! And can I come over and play with the baby while you come and clean my house? Sounds fair to me!
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