Donkey Got Your Tongue?

Um ... hi! So ... what's new ... with you? ... Anything exciting ... going on?

Me neither.

I can't think of anything to talk about. This has been my brain while thinking of the blog the past few days: "Maybe I could write about--wait I've already done that. ........................................ Maybe I could ... no, that'd be lame. ............................................................ What if I ... no, boring. ................................................How about I ..............hmmmmmmm ......................................"

So obviously, I got nothing!

Which makes me wonder: what do you say when there is a lag in the conversation?

You know what I'm talking about. Usually it happens when you are speaking with an acquaintance whom you don't know intimately well and after the initial "how do you dos," there's a long, awkward pause where you both hope that someone will say something brilliant or insightful, but instead, you just listen to crickets chirping.

And if you're like me, you want to fill the void so you say something without even thinking and what comes out of your mouth is something stupid/insensitive/boring/offensive/repetitive/already been said/lame.

My go-to line is usually weather-related. "Some spring we're NOT having, eh?" (That's me speaking to a Canadian.) Which reminds me, if I were speaking to a Canadian, I might say something like, "Do Canadians like their bacon more than Staters like their bacon? Because we REALLY like our bacon, but no one has ever named bacon after us (also U.S.) so does that mean we don't have pride in our bacon?" ... And then the Canadian would look at me like I lost my marbles and then they would find someone else to talk to. (Probably another Canadian because they would deem that all Staters are weird and loopy.)

I might also ask something insensitive like "How's your job," at which the person would respond, "I got fired last month. I told you, remember?" And then I would say, "I was referring to your boob job you got last year when you had a disposable income. I was just wondering how it's ... holding up. And also wondering if you regret spending that money now that you are unemployed."

Sometimes I to try to say something that shows I know my current events, but when I read such current events, I typically remember only the headline and not the details.  So I would say, "Did you hear about the dog who gave birth to a litter of koala bears?" And the other person would say, "No! Tell me about it: how did that happen?" And I'd say, "Um ... it was a science experiment or something. I think they sent the dog to Australia and had him eat coconut." And the other person would say, "???"

Then there's always the go-to Gus (aka Gurton Buster) line, "You hear about Pluto? That's messed up, right?"

Which reminds me: I have a wealth of information about TV shows and books I could speak of, but what typically happens is that I ask someone if they've watched "Uptown Schmabby," and they say "No" and I'm like .... oooooooooooooooooooooooooo.  It kills all good dialogue when people aren't up on all the shows, people!

So what do you talk about when the conversation is pointless, dull and all-too quiet? Do you have the gift of gab? Do you find it easy to talk to anyone, anywhere? Or do you dread situations that might make you get constipation of the mouth? (Hey, if people can say diarrhea of the mouth, certainly the opposite applies.) Are there some fascinating topics you like to discuss? Can you teach me how to be a conversationalist? If you won't talk to me, I'll assume that you are a complete backwoods introvert, so ya better speak up y'all!