Shiver Me Made-of-Timber for the Winner

Ahoy me hearties! Did you know it's only 145 days until Talk Like a Pirate Day? Arrr! What does that have to do with the winning post? ... Absolutely nothing!

Bigskyboys: you have plenty of on-the-job training for a PT now; doesn't that count for something? You are a patient gal to wait for your baby to grow up and be a dentist. I will probably need dentures by then. (Because I chomp ice, not because of the Diet Coke. There you go being all judgmental again.)

Sally: I think we have that same Old Maid game. I want to be the ballerina hippo. Or the dentist giraffe. (See how undecided I am?) So cool that you made your career decision at15 and stuck with it. Give yourself a big ol' pat on the back. (Since you're a gymnast, you should be flexible enough to reach your backbone, right?)

Since I once wanted to be an interior designer and the best way to personalize your space is with lots of unique picture frames, I will give the winner this: 

Super cute! Hand crafted! Made in India! Fits a 4x6 picture. Like this one:

You can put her on your coffee table and call her Grandma Iris.

PaulaShawn has a funny story about picture frames. I think if we all ask her nice enough, she might write an entire guest post on the pranks she has pulled. And to repay her for her guest post, we would all send her a package of paper towels. Now that is the deal of a lifetime! PaulaShawn PaulaShawn PaulaShawn! (Come on guys, chant with me!)

Anywho, this week's winner as picked by RandyNewman.org is: (Did you see what I did there? You weren't paying attention, were you?) It's #1: Team C! I do hope the picture frame matches your decor. (Hey, how in the heck do I get the accent over the "e?" It looks totally hillbilly without the accent. Blogger, you make me look bad!)

Come back next week when PaulaShawn will tickle our funny bones with tales of her shenanigans. (PaulaShawn, the pressure is ON!)

Yo Ho, It's a Writer's Life for Me

Have you ever thought about this: why does everyone always ask kids what they want to be when they grow up? I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up until about five years ago. Luckily, I still have awhile before I grow up.

As a child, I always wanted to be a princess, of course. But then I realized you couldn't just become a princess one day so I changed my dream occupation. What is the default career for a girl who can't be a princess? An interior designer, naturally. Through my early teen years, I thought for certain that would be the job for me. But when I took art in high school and got a D- on my drawing of a stick figure, I thought that career choice was out of the question. I never even considered interior design in college because I let my self-doubt consume me. Sad. I could have had my own show on HGTV. (I hear they give those shows out to any blonde who does interior design. And any handyman who has nice biceps.)

Even at college-age, I didn't know what I wanted to be. My major was "undecided." A guidance counselor should have told me "undecided" meant varied interests, which is a key trait for a writer, but I don't ever remember "author" being mentioned as a career choice. (That's probably because it's not the wisest career choice, since most authors have to keep a day job for many years into their careers.) It wasn't until after I became a stay-at-home mom that I wanted to write a book; it took me five years to complete it. But writing was an in-the-closet hobby for a long time. About five years ago, I got really serious about writing and made the transition from hobby to career (and from sane to insane).

I used the "glow" filter on this pic, because it is symbolic of how writers view the world. Writers take away the blah of daily life (the wrinkles and sun-spots). Have you ever read a book where the main character did dishes for an hour? Or spent an entire afternoon cleaning a closet? No! A good author skips the mundane and makes everything "glow." Good analogy, eh? OK, so I just used "glow" because it makes me pretty like Glamour Shots. (Yes, click on that if you need a good laugh.) However, I must disclose that I never look like that when I am writing, but you don't want to see a picture of me without my hair combed and without make-up on. (It would give you nightmares!) I also don't get dressed when I write. Wait! I didn't mean it like that. Unlike other people, I'm not entirely comfortable wearing just a paper towel. I stay in my jammies for as long as possible. That is one of the perks of the job.

It took me a really long time to know what I was going to be when I grew up. How about you? Did you know since you were kid what you would study in college? What job you would have? What hobbies would fill your time? Or have you figured things out as you go?

Also, do you have any predictions what your kids will be when they grow up? We think we will have a Coast Guard Swimmer in our family, since we have one boy who has been swimming in halfway frozen puddles since he was two. But then again: do any parents ever correctly predict what their kids will be?

What say ye? (And good thing I'm really not a pirate. Can you imagine how hard it would be to type with a hook?)

A Sane Winner

Good morning! Thanks for the peeks into your lives. (Good thing my name's not Tom or you know what that would make me!)

I bet you are dying in suspense over my true not-true game. Well here it is:

#1. Yes, I will keep working on Purgatory. But I am scared that Ben will be mad at me for leaving him high and dry for almost four months now. What kind of peace offering do you give a mega-pop star?

#2. Yes, I will write a sitcom. It's about three baby chicks who get  a mysterious chemical poured on them and it gives them super-strength and they will battle evil. What do you think? Instant #1 hit? OK, so I'm joking about that part. But seriously, I am going to try my hand at (funny) screenwriting.

#3. Yes, I am running for a political office, although I misled you a bit. It's just tiny: Republican Precinct Co-chair. Yes, I was totally suckered into it, and of course now someone is running against me and I should campaign, but you know how I feel about competition ... so if you see signs around that say Don't Vote For Lori, you'll know why.

#4. Paulashawn and Janice guessed right. I should go on an overnight hike. My boys want me to go on an overnight hike. But tell me this: how exactly will I fit my bed into my backpack? Unless I can figure out a way to carry that gel-topped mattress into the forest, I will sleep at home. (I'm a wuss, I know.)

This week's prize is a $10 gift certificate for Snapfish--so you can preserve your images from REAL life.  (That is an area where I am many, many years behind. But at least my I'm not as far behind as that picture I showed you on Tues. Ha ha.)

This week's winner is #6 Sally! Yay for Sally! You'll need baby announcements soon so this is perfect! I will email you the gift certificate.

Have a great weekend everyone!

My Not-So-Sane Life

Do you remember that time I wrote a book in three and a half-months? Wasn't that awesome?

Wait, you guys don't know about that, do you? Well, let me tell you: I JUST FINISHED WRITING ANOTHER BOOK! (If you couldn't tell, that is what it looks like when I jump for joy and do the happy dance.)

Do you remember back in November when I went full-steam ahead working on Purgatory, which is book three of Wilder Times? I got a lot done in November and December and then ... and then ... I stopped working on it. (I just heard a big NOOOO! being yelled all across the internet. Or not.) On Christmas Eve, of all days, a new book idea started growing in my brain, and as I went about preparing for Christmas, I got the book entirely plotted. As soon as Christmas break was over, I sat down and began to write, feeling at first like I was cheating on Ben Wilder. This book took awhile for me to break into a good stride, since it's a different genre--wait, it's an entirely different century! This book is a historical romance (of course it's a romance. What else did you think I would write?) set at the dawn of Renaissance--but once I figured out how to do the waltz rather than hip hop, I started writing at breakneck speed. I thought it would be an easy, short little book, possibly even a novella, but it ended up being around 100,000 words. All written since the first of January! That's a record for me. 

But ... it's not done-done. This is probably the roughest 1st draft I've ever done (hence the speed) and it will need a lot of grooming before it's even ready for my alpha reader. Do you want to know what it's about? Well, since I am all fizzled-out on words, let me show you instead: 

 It is set in a castle (or two or three)

 And is about one of these (a princess, not a Barbie)

And has a couple of these guys (princes, not Ken or Juan)

This is happening between two neighboring countries

And there's a bunch of these (like Montana! Weird how that happened.)  

The current working title for the book is this: 

You like?

So since my fingers have been glued to my computer since the New Year, you might be wondering what the rest of my life has been like. Let me tell you, it isn't very glamorous. Here's the past three months by the numbers:

1. Number of times the entire house (top to bottom) has been cleaned: exactly 2 times.

2. Number of gourmet meals I have cooked for my family: 0 (oh wait, that's nothing new)

2. Number of meals from scratch I have cooked for my family: about 6

3. Pounds of almonds I have eaten: at least 8. Not joking. The squirrel in my tree outside says he's very impressed with how well I can pack nuts away. I think that's a compliment. 

4. Cases of Diet Coke I've gone through: What? I don't drink copious amounts of Diet Coke. Why'd you even bring that up? 

5. Number of times I've listened to songs by Josh Groban: 100,052. You might be thinking that this is an instance where there can be too much of a good thing, but let me tell you: there is no such thing as too much Josh Groban. I bet he saw a jump in his Rhapsody royalties since January-- that was all me. Glad to know I can help an artist etch out a living.

And after all that time sitting at the computer, my posterior now looks like this:

Did you read about this lady man last fall? One of the most bizarre-o news stories I have read. Ever.  

So tell me: what have you been up to lately? What have I missed out there in the real world? Anyone maybe have a baby who I've only held once? Anyone finish their first year of college? Anyone getting ready for Iron-Woman or something? Have you guys seen any good movies/read any good books? Tell me what your life is like: I need some sanity!

And ... I have a game for you. I will give you four items, and you need to guess which ONE is NOT true. I will tell you the answer on Thursday. Bonus points if you pick right. (Bonus points for what? I don't know, just bonus points, OK?)

 In the coming months, I am going to:

1. Finish writing Purgatory

2. Write a sitcom

3. Run for political office 

4. Go on an overnight hike in the Bob Marshall Wilderness

Don't Have a Cow: We Have a Winner

Team C: your comment had me rolling with laughter. A porta potty in the back of the truck? Wow. Such efficiency! (I'm gagging thinking about it!) And yikes! Trading candy out the window of a moving car? You guys were W-ILD! (I love seat-belts, but our children will have no stories at all!)

LivingstonslifeintMT: We had almost the same experience with no defrost and only a tiny little slit for the driver to see through. We like to live on the edge! And please don't ever take my cat for a ride.

PaulaShawn: Why is your memory so much better than mine? It's almost like I've tried to block out my childhood. Why would I inadvertently do that? ;)  Good luck in your nasty hotel. Whatever you do, don't look under the bed!

bigskyboys: your advice is the best: get so exhausted on your adventures that nothing eventful happens on the road!

And JazznJenna: I think I will follow after your mother and sew matching shirts for my family. I have excellent sewing skills and my family will look splendiferous, like this:

In fact, this week's prize is a homemade shirt made yours truly. It is one of a kind, and will certainly spark conversations about its originality. Actually, no, I don't think that would make a good gift because sewing projects don't ever get finished around here. Ask my daughter about her Christmas blanket.

Here's the real prize:

It's a fun matching game in a travel tin! So kiss those DVD players and PSP's goodbye and have some fun together!

This week's winner is comment #3 The Rowley's! If I would have known you were going to win, I would have bought you some new underwear. :)  I need your new address girly. Email me!

See ya next week. Happy Trails!

The Time I Had A Cow

Welcome back bloggy friends! I missed you guys last week! As you can see, I didn't separate myself from my computer as much as I should have. I took advantage of the blog break and redecorated the place. I even figured out how to make a header. (I will be able to sleep so much better at night knowing that BlogAway now has an officialish header.)

Over spring break, we took a real quick trip to see grandma and grandpa (it was wonderful, like always). It made me think about the many road trips I have taken in my life. One thing about living in Montana: nothing is "close by." That means endless hours on the road. In a car. With a bunch of busy bodies. It sounds like the recipe for disaster, doesn't it?

But, as it turns out, less-than-perfect road trips are the ones that stick out from my childhood. My favorite road trip memory is from when I was seven or eight. We were on our way to Glacier in our Winnebago, but we never made it to our destination. Why? We hit a cow, that's why. A cow.

If only the highway would have posted this sign: we would have been spared the 

agony of making ground beef with our Winnebago.

No one was hurt (other than the cow, but that's what he gets for trying to see if the grass is greener on the other side.) but the Winnebago did not fare so well. It was rebuilt and back on the road for our next mishap: the one where the holding tank backed up. But I'm not going to talk about that one because it is TMI and we don't do that around here.

Another memorable road trip (this time in a sedan) was one where someone had a case of the flu and did not warn the driver to pull over. But again, gross, so I'll skip the details and say that thankfully we were traveling by a river and were able to get cleaned up, although a sock floated away. Montana water might not be so pristine after all, huh?

As an adult, I had another mishap with an animal on the highway. This time I was taking THE boyfriend home to Montana to meet the family and he finally let me drive his beloved VW, with a ground clearance of about six inches. I turned a corner and there in the middle of the road was a deer. A dead deer, sprawled out across my lane. Using my keen reflexes, I kept the steering wheel straight and did not swerve into the other (unoccupied by either deer or car) lane and hit the dead deer like it was foot-and-a-half high speed bump. Going 65 MPH. Ka-thunk. Deer jerky anyone?

As a parent, I've had a few scary incidences. Like the time the car kept freezing up and refused to keep driving because it was 25 below zero. And then there was the time we got tired of following a snow plow (yes, that meant there was a big snow storm) and we decided to take a "short cut." We turned on the wrong dirt road and ended up deep in the forest, pushing snow with the front bumper of our minivan, not even knowing if we were on a real road, as there were no tracks in the snow. You know those stories of families getting lost in the mountains in the winter? That could have totally been us. We don't take that short-cut anymore--with the exception of the one time I thought it would be OK since it was summer, but I ended up getting a flat tire. No worries though, because I can totally change a tire while my five kids wait inside the car, right? No. It didn't go so well.

Wow, as I review my memories, I'm wondering if I might be a true redneck? Here's a picture from our last road-trip.

What do you think? Are we true rednecks?

And lastly but not leastly, I will never forget our family trip to Vegas (that sounds like an oxymoron) three years ago. That was the trip where we discovered that sweet little Bean Girl is diabetic. The number one symptom of diabetes? Frequent urination. It took us spending twenty hours in a car to realize just how often she had to go potty. (Pit stop. And drive for fifteen minutes. And pit stop. And drive for ten minutes. And pit stop ........) I'm sure she will never forget that trip either, nor will she forget the fun visit to the hospital when we got home. I will not mention why we went to Vegas since I'm already worried about the redneck image (cough NAS cough CAR. Ahem), but I will say that if you ever need someone to show you where all the good public restrooms are in Vegas, I'm your gal.

So what mishaps have you had on your road trips? Do you enjoy hitting the open road, or is it something you loathe? I actually love to go for drives, especially when the kids are sleeping or sedated with Dramamine. (Kidding, I have never done that before. Although it's tempting ...)

Let's hear all about your road trip adventures!