In case you don't know what love smells like, it's a combination of these two things:
Chocolate and Roses. Mmm.
Speaking of roses, I saw these online last week:
Since when did rainbows start vomiting roses? These look like they belong in The Capitol on Hunger Games. Me no likey. (But if you happen to like them and would like to order them for your significant other, you may click here and for just $119.00, you can have 24 of these freaks of nature. If you would like a discount, enter the code LORIISFULLOFCRAP at the checkout.)
Anyway, back to the subject at hand: ROMANCE, or more specifically DATING. Since it's that time of the month year, I thought it would be fun if we all reminisced a little about what happens when good dates go bad.
Have any of you guys had a really bad date? A super-awful date? I'm sure you guys will all blow me out of the water on this one, because my stories are kinda lame, although they were painful at the time.
1. My very first date was with a guy who was in love with my BFF. Said BFF had a serious boyfriend and was unavailable for further romance, so this chap picked the second best thing to BFF--me. And then he proceeded to talk about BFF and ask questions about BFF THE ENTIRE DATE. Oh yeah, it was awesome. Thankfully I have forgotten his name otherwise I might have named a fictional villain after him.
2. My very second date--the night after the first date--was with another chap who was also in love with said BFF. NO KIDDING! While this chap was much nicer and more discrete with his inquires about BFF, it was still clear that had BFF been available for a date, I would have been siting home alone that night.
Those two dates did wonders for my self esteem. It is also a wonder that I ever went on another date.
Then there was the date that didn't end:
3. In college, some guy followed me in his Jeep in the parking lot. He said, "Hey, I'll give you a ride to your car and then I can have your parking spot." And foolish naive me said, sure. Then he said, "I've seen you around. You have such and such class at this time and such and such class at that time." I don't think the term "stalker" had been coined back in those days, so I didn't think that. I thought, "Wow this guys likes me and not my BFF." So I accepted his offer for a date later that week.
The date was 4 wheeling in his Jeep. ALL DAY LONG. In the wilderness. ALONE. Now that I think about it, this is terrifying! I could have ended up on a milk jug. My daughter will be much wiser than this, although a thing for Jeeps does run in the family so that might be her one weakness. Anyway, nothing bad happened, but we 4 wheeled for 5 hours. And then we went to a long dinner. And then went to meet his friend. And then he wanted to go to a movie. And finally I was like JUST TAKE ME HOME! Sadly, he was as boring as a fly and didn't talk much at all. I think he might have been related to Norman Bates. Also a good thing I forgot his name because I would hate to Google it and find out that he became a serial killer.
So there you have it. There's my boring misadventures in dating. What stories do you have to tell?
And, on a related note, if you like reading real love stories, go check out JazznJenna's blog. She's sharing chapters from her book The Falling Part--which is all about the many times she fell head over heels. Go check it out!
12 comments:
Oh life before Steve.... makes me so glad I don't have to go through that dating process again! I like dating now SO much better! I only have two stories of horribly uncomfortable 'dates' but I have many, many more horror stories of being pursued.
1- A guy in my D&C class at school use to come sit by me every day and he drove me crazy because he'd sleep and twitch for the whole class! Every week, he'd ask me my weekend plans and I was always sure to have something going on. He got wise and asked me once two weeks in advance and me, being flustered, could think of no excuse to get out of it, so I relented and gave him a chance. I did have an emergency escape planned- my roommates were out running a marathon for "fun" (I literally drove them 26.2 miles from our house and dropped them off to run back home) and they were going to call if they needed water or anything. He took me to dinner (which I don't really remember anymore) but I vividly remember him taking me to Horton Hears a Who. I sat in my chair, arms crossed, legs crossed and he sat there next to me with his hand open on his leg (very New Moon movie scene-ish but with only one suitor). He kept scooting closer and closer and by the end of the movie, I was in the seat next to me and he was in mine! Luckily right after the movie got out, my roommates called and I had to go save them with water.
2- The other story is just one story of two years worth of horror stories. There was this one guy I met at work that decided he wanted to court me (his words) after repeatedly telling him no. But in his mind, as long as my dad had told him he had his permission to take me on a date, it didn't matter if I said no or not, my dad had said yes and that was the only answer he'd accept. One of these times, he came to get me and took me to a movie. Instead of taking me straight home after as agreed upon, he decided to drive all over the valley talking to me (him talking, me not responding much) and finally took me home but made me sit in the driveway for 3 more hours while he talked. This was with repeated attempts on my part to end the conversation and leave. When I finally told him I was going to bed because I had to work the next day and left, I let my parents have it for not coming and saving me like roommates do. They usually made me come inside on good dates, but one they knew I wasn't happy to be on and wanted rescued, they stayed inside and let me suffer. I know I sound like the bad person in this story, but you have to know the background and that I repeatedly told this person that I was in NO WAY interested in him. This was probably one of the worst dates he'd taken me on.
I went on ONE date with a guy to a hockey game. He proceeded to narrate the ENTIRE game in Beavis & Butthead voices. ALL. NIGHT. LONG. Needless to say, I never accepted any more date offers from him. To top it off, 6 months later he was at my work when I arrived one morning. I found this creepy & strange. But, not as strange as him getting down on one knee, asking me to spend the rest of my life with him...while he opened a jewelry box....containing a NECKLACE!!!
I am commenting on your blog so early in the day because I am doing everthing to avoid doing what I should be doing. Planning that dang Blue and Gold banquet. Now that would make a pathetic date.
I have vivid memories of being tormented one beautiful summer evening. The guy was nice enough, he went to the same physical
therapist I did post knee surgery so I saw him often but didn't really know him well. Details of the date were vague, dinner up the canyon with some other couples. The badness started at subway on the way out of town. A half sandwich was ordered. NOTHING else. I seems he may have allowed me to order the sandwich but I'm pretty sure he ate most of that tiny, tiny half sandwich. Conversation was really pathetic, I was starving and freezing since we ended up watching a movie which I'm sure was super stupid. There may have been one blanket, but I wasn't going to be snuggling with anyone that night. Needless to say I never went out with him again. I think he was persistant enough that I had to finally tell him I wasn't interested in EVER going out again! That was just a tad awkward. This is starting to bring back all sorts of memories of other bad dates, maybe that's why I broke all the rules and had a steady boyfriend. Thank goodness we never have to relive those years!
Well my first date was towards the end of my senior year and I was a second choice because the first girl turned him down. It was a pretty good date all in all. Then I went with his adopted brother to prom. I was second choice then too. But it was pretty good. I don’t know if it’s considered a date but I was walking back from the store with a guy, Manipulating M, and the wind blew my wig off.
But I think my worst date was with the creeper. Although Manipulating M was the craziest, Creepy K was the worst DATE. I’d tell you the whole story now but when I typed it up in a word document it was well over 500 words. (I could e-mail that if you want :J[that's my smirk smiley])To sum it up: He followed me to class for a date, incessantly texted me, intended to make me his girlfriend and texted me so one the VERY FIRST DAY we met, and intended to kiss me on the first date. Nu-uh gangster! (I call everyone gangster) Asking for a kiss after being such a creep! That is…NO. Unacceptable. Anyway, that was my worst date.
Hearing everyone say how grateful they are to not have to re-live the dating years worries me that they'll never want to read my book...yikes!
It looks like everyone else feels like I did--having had our worst experiences with people that were interested in us, but we weren't in them.
One time I went out with a guy to a concert during which I fell asleep accidentally (I must have been sleep deprived that week, and I know I had no desire to impress this guy). At the end of the date--and I was glad it was over--he asked me if he could call me again. I said "okay" with hesitation. He was so smart though! He said, "it's okay to say 'no' if you don't want me to." What a smart guy! So I changed my answer to "no, thank you". I thought that was so cool of him to help me out with my uneasiness though.
One day I went to a science lab in college and some random guy that I had never seen before asked me out for a double date that night. I was free, so I said "sure." I think we went out for dessert, and for a ride in a jeep somewhere. I hated the jeep part because the driver went over some really rough terrain and I bumped my head on a bar on the ceiling, which gave me a headache. About a week later, I ran into that guy again, the one who had been my date, and I approached him to say hi. HE DIDN'T REMEMBER ME. He didn't remember my name, and I don't think he really even remembered my face. I thought that was soooo rude. WHATEVER!
Nicole: I can't believe you had to play musical chairs in the theater. That's hilarious! Apparently he didn't know how to read body language. And on #2: I hope your parents apologized profusely! I almost think that could be considered a form of child abuse!
Jessica: Hola friend! The only thing I can think of that would have been worse than Beavis and Butthead would have been if he did Patrick and Spongebob the entire time! Poor you! He seriously proposed after one date ... 6 months later? That is the craziest! I have to give him credit for the necklace though ... rings are so overdone! :)
bigskyboys: Maybe you should do a romance theme for the blue and gold--that'd go over well with 9 year olds. My boys will be glad to know they don't need to do anything fancy when they take a girl out--they can just give her one inch of their 6 inch sub. That's so sad. I hope you had some gum to tide you over until you got home.
Devree: I love the names you give these guys. Hopefully soon you'll name one "Smoking Hot J" or whatever initial fits. Just wondering if Manipulating M helped you catch your wig or if you had to chase after it all by yourself. And did you ever think that maybe Creepy K was suffering from Hershey's Kisses withdrawals and he desperately needed one before he fell into a coma? You could have saved his life Devree!
JazznJenna: Your book isn't full of dating mishaps though, just all those times of barking up the wrong tree. :) So the 4-wheeling guy: obviously he hit his head on the bar too and he had amnesia. How else could he forget you???
Ok, I'll be sure to turn down the next stranger in a jeep who asks me out! You know, I can't really say I have any terrible-date stories. I mean, there have been dates with awkward silences driving home with no music and times when all I wanted to do was to go home, but overall, nothing too bad. But this kind of concerns me... does that mean I'm the one everyone has terrible date stories about? Or maybe I'm just lucky and fortunate to have a nice aunt who has set me up on a date before!
(BTW, I've missed this blog. Sorry for the long hiatus!)
I did know a Smoking Hot J but he was never interested in me. That’s why there’s no Smoking Hot J in my date stories; there was never a date. Manipulating M did not catch my hair because it didn’t go that far. I caught just as it was sliding off, over my eyes. No, he survived long enough to creep on my roommate’s friend a couple weeks later. Only half of the boys I dated at college were crazy though. There was Ravishing R and Stupendous S (I had to use a thesaurus to make everything alliterate) and they were most lovely. ;)
Caitlin: We've missed you too! How are we going to survive the even longer hiatus that is imminent? :( It's funny that as I was writing my blog post, I wondered what the dates were like from the guys perspective. Maybe there is a blog out there somewhere that says, "I went on a date with this Lori girl and she was SO boring. Had nothing interesting to say whatsoever! And she complained when she got mud on her shoes! What a wussy!" But here's an idea next time you get stuck in a car without conversation and music--start dancing to the music in your head! I bet he'll put his foot on the gas and get you home quick! It might be even better if you start singing while dancing--that's what I would do.
Devree: I missed the alliterations. Sorry my brain only works about half the time. Or even less somedays. Do you do names for girls too? Oh, and I have a funny wig story. One of my nieces pulled a lady's wig off during church. And the lady swore really loud during the middle of sacrament meeting! Oops. But, I bet it woke a few people up, so that's good!
Ha, I bet I could do girl names. I just prefer not to talk about other girls because that's done too often. Hahahaha! That's great! You always have something hilarious share!
I was set up on a blind date one time. I was not interested at all but agreed to go get a smoothie close to my home. He called me up to ask a time and during our conversation he called me "Angela", which is NOT my name. So during our smoothie date he began to tell me about this Angel Doll that he has at home and how much I remind him of her...then he proceeds to tell me her name is Angela!! Creepy! That date ended in a hurry!
Devree: so true, just do nice girl's names. Like I could be Looney L. Oh wait, maybe that's not nice.
Livingstonslifeinmt: I can see how he made the mistake though: you are an angel, so it makes sense he would call you Angela. I think I will call you that from now on. BTW, I once had a friend who I had known for several months introduce me to her mom, but she called me Lisa. I didn't correct her because I didn't want to embarrass her, and I'm glad I didn't correct her, because now I would be honored to be mistaken for Lisa. :)
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