Higher Learning

With the teenagers heading back to school (the eldest is a senior!) and my recent (like yesterday) trip to my hometown, I seem to have one thing on my brain: HIGH SCHOOL.

With the mention of that phrase, you might experience a couple of different emotions. Either you think

1. Eew, gross
or 
2. Oh, blessed day!
... or possibly
3. Meh.

And your feelings about that vertically aspiring institution likely change with time. I remember feeling like high school was the equivalent of living at the bottom of the Berkly Pit, but now that I look back, I think, "Oh my gosh, it was like living at Disneyland!" (OK, so I exaggerated, again. But really, it wasn't half-bad! I think I actually liked it ... most of the time.)

My high school was a big city high school, Montana style. We had just under 400 ish in our graduating class, so in comparison with the high school in my current town, that's huge. (Each class here has around 70.) But high school in Montana is high school in Montana. Meaning--it might be a little on the boring side. Sports are IT; all the other clubs and extracurricular seem to struggle. If you're a wide-receiver with Road Runner legs and glue-coated fingertips, Montana might be the place for you. But I was never very good at football.

But, just like real life, you can bloom anywhere. How does one bloom in the vast prairies of Montana (high schools)?

• Don't worry about what other people think about you. You can't change their thoughts. But you can change the way you think of yourself. That means you need to like yourself. Which is what gives you confidence. Which leads to the next point:

• Be confident. Everyone has insecurities. Just hide yours until you forget they exist.

• Don't try to fit into any particular group. Nobody likes to be classified by just one characteristic, (jock, geek, skater, whatever.) People are so much more than a label; don't strive to become one (popular).

• Have good hygiene. And don't ever, ever, ever have big bangs, even if everyone else has big bangs. 

• Be nice. Especially to the people who don't have good hygiene or have really big bangs. 

• Be silly. You have your entire life to be grown up. (Silly and immature aren't necessarily the same thing. Be wise in your silliness.)  

• Don't forget your family. They'll be around a lot longer than that one guy you squirted ketchup on (picture a white Miami Vice jacket) whose name you can't even remember. 

What advice would you give to current high schoolers? Anything you regret doing (or not doing) during high school? Did you love it or loathe it? Would you like to go back? (Who wants to watch Never Been Kissed? Looove that show.)

And just because I thought these were fun: we did a photo tour of Great Falls one day with our friend Stephanie. And by we, I mean Paula, because we were inseparable back then. Weren't we Paula? Also wanted to show these because there was absolutely nothing else to do that day, but look how much fun we had!

 

(You were getting kind cheeky with that guy, weren't you Paula?)

 

  
Let's talk high school! GO!

So Long ...

It's the end of summer as we know it. Do you fine feel?

Was your summer SO LONG; or are you bidding summer so long with a sorrowful heart?

I have mixed emotions, like always, but I guess that's typical for a person with schizophrenia/dementia/boanthropy. (What? You don't know what that is? It's a disorder when someone believes they are a BOVINE. I'm not even kidding! Read about that and other bizarre psychological disorders here, but warning: there is a gross picture of a man "nibbling" on his own arm. Why? Because that's another disorder. And speaking of other disorders, I'm pretty sure I have a few from that page, but I'm not telling you which ones ... in addition to the alien-hand syndrome, which I OBVIOUSLY have!) but anyway (my heck I like tangents, don't I?) --what were we talking about? Right--I have mixed emotions about summer ending.

I am SO ready for the kids to have a schedule and get their brains stimulated again. I am so NOT ready for the good weather to end. I am also so NOT ready to have the kids dressed and out the door by 8 a.m. Yikes. Why is that the world's hardest task?

I am also sad that there is so much we didn't get to do this summer. I feel like I need to write an apology letter to summer. So, therefore, I will.

Dear Summer, 

I am sorry I didn't go to Glacier Park. No, not even once.

I am sorry I didn't hike to a waterfall.

I am sorry I didn't kill any tree squirrels. Three would have been a good start.

I am sorry I only ate corn-on-the-cob once, but that's what happens when you get dentures.

I am sorry I didn't get to see hardly any family, and even fewer long-distance friends. (Oh, but the friends and family I did get to see made my heart warmer than a July day in Phoenix!)

I am sorry that I didn't get a single household project done, nor did I write a single word of fiction. 

I am sorry that we didn't get to do the Hiawatha Bike Trail. 

I am sorry that we didn't pick enough huckleberries to make freezer jam. 

But Summer, 

Thank you for all the perfect days at the lake. (Made it to 7 different lakes this summer, plus 3 different spots on Flathead!) 

Thank you for the day on the boat. That was THE BEST.

(I can't get the video to upload right, so we'll just pretend like it's a GIF.)
 

Thank you for all the fresh cherries. My intestines were appreciative. 

Thank you for awesome day hikes and bike rides. 

Thank you for smiling, happy kids.

Thank you for our stop in Butte. I fell in love. (Really. I must go back!) 

But mostly, thank you for the sunshine. 

Sincerely, 
Emotional me. 

Your turn:

What are you sorry you missed this summer? What things are you thankful for? How do you feel about having it come to an end?

Annnndddd .... I know it's the last week of the month (like, duh) and I should have a prize this week. BUT! the little kids start school Wednesday, the teens start on Thursday and I'm worried I won't have a spare second to post a winner, let alone shop for said winning prize. So, if it's alright with all of y'all, I will do a doubly awesome prize in Sept. PLUS, I will include these weeks in the lottery, so you will have 6 chances to win in September. Okie dokie???

I'd Rather Go To Sleep

Well hi. How are youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Oops, sorry. I just fell asleep at the keyboard. Why am I tired? Well because we just drove over 800 miles in one day. Sounds like fun, huh? Actually, it was fun because I love seeing Montana and I also love dropping two teens off at EFY. They are going to have the time of their lives--and that makes a momma happy. Oh, and I don't have to cook as much this week, so that makes me happy too. And I won't have to break up so many fights this week, so that makes me happy too. And I won't have to .... never mind. You get the drift. It's a win-win for everyone.

Since I need a seriously long snooze, let's keep this week simple. Want to play Would You Rather? I have some rathers for you: some copied, some altered, and some original. Here we go:

1. Would you rather come face to face with a bear, or would you rather have to bare it all while answering the door for one entire day?

2. Would you rather have to drive over rumble-strips non-stop for 5 hours or follow a livestock trailer full of cows for 5 hours?

3. Would you rather have a toot escape and be so loud it could be heard across an entire college campus or wear feminine hygiene product on your back to the grocery store?

4. Would you rather have your diary published or see your most embarrassing moment remade into a big-budget movie?

5. Would you rather drive a super car that looks amazing, but can only go 25 miles per hour or get a speeding ticket in front of your child's school: right as school is being dismissed?

6. Would you rather listen to Call Me, Maybe every hour, on the hour, for one entire year or listen to Jim Carrey do the most annoying sound in the world for 24 hours non-stop?

7. Would you rather not be able to shower except for once a week, or not be able to brush your teeth except for once a week?

8. Would you rather go on a cruise with Matchbox 20 and Goo Goo Dolls on a cruise to the Bahamas (yes, really!) or go on a cruise with Justin Bieber and One Direction. (No, not really. Sorry to get your hopes up.)

9. Would you rather change Grumpy Cat's litter box every day for a year or give Brad Pitt a pedicure after he has spent a month in Africa wearing the same socks and hiking boots every single day?

10. Would you rather leave a comment on a blog or silently stalk?

OK--answer as many or as few as you like! And then leave one or two or three or four or five for me to answer too! Steal em, make em up, whatever ... just give me some so I can play back, OK? And you can answer ones from the comment thread too. WHATEVER.Let's just have fun--or as I said in my 4th grade original story "Gust have fun!" (I was good at typos even way back then, before I learned to type!)

I'm gonna go get me some snoozes now. Thanks for playing!

I'm Picturing A Winner

I remembered to 1. Buy a gift and 2. Post a prize winner. This is a good week for me guys! I might not have Alzheimer's after all! This is a win for all of us ... but mostly it's a win for one lucky commenter! And that commenter is ...

Oh wait, I can't tell you who it is yet. I need to practice my "suspensial" writing skills and make you wait

wait ...

wait ...

wait ...

wait ...

And then wait some more ...

And then stop annoying you and at least tell you what week was the winning week.

It was the post prior to this week's post, which is the post where I shamelessly solicited birthday wishes.

(I know this is incredibly riveting.)

And the gift I selected was meant to tie in with my celebration of oldness. (Are you getting tired of me whining about my age? Because I'm getting tired of it. But, I've been told by the government that there is absolutely no legal way for me to alter my birth certificate to reflect a more suitable age. I am pursuing other options that may be hitherto forthcoming at another time.) Anywhichway, since we don't want to forget all the memories created in days gone by, we must take pictures and we must place them on our mantle pieces and in photoalbums to be displayed on our coffee tables. So there's this:

 (a frame)

And this:

 (photo album)

And then there's this:











Oh wait, that's all I got. I spent the rest of my money on hair dye to color my grays.

SO now I can tell you the winner. And, from the second post of July, without any further ado, I will tell you that it's #  ...

# ....

 # ...

(this is just like reality TV, except I'm not going to go to commercial break.)

# 11 .... Devree!!!!

Wahoo Devree! It's been many lightyears since you won! I'm not sure which location you are at ... college or home or the Caribbean, so email me, will ya? 

Back in the Day

Well guys, I survived getting old. I didn't have to go in for a hip replacement, nor did I have to visit a plastic surgeon, so ... 40 is good!

One thing we old people like to do is sit around on the front porch and talk about the good old days. All of our statements begin with the phrase "Remember when ...."  For example:

Remember when ... watermelon had seeds?

Remember when ... people used their cell phones for talking?      

You've heard old people speak in this manner, right? Well, pull up a rocking chair and let's do some reminiscing. I'll go first, because I'm a conversation hog like that.

Remember when ...

         People wore mom jeans, which acted like a girdle, thus eliminating the dreaded "muffin top?"

         Nickle Creek made awesome bluegrass music?

         Wearing Princess Leah dog ears was THE hairstyle all the groovy girls wore?

         Summer blockbuster movies actually made money?

         People worked out because it was fun and good for them instead of working out because they      
         want others to worship their perfectly sculpted bodies?

         Pong was the coolest video game ever?

         Facebook was a teen hangout?

         It rained?

         I could fill up the VW for 25 bucks?

         I could fill up the Suburban for less than $100?

         You could only watch cartoons on Saturday?

          I could write?

         Salads had to be made "from scratch?"

Ah ...

What do you remember about the good old days? What has changed for the worse since you were a kid, or since last week if you can't remember anything about being a kid or have blocked it out due to being abused by your sister who was just a year older than you but never actually bigger than you?

Can you help me REMEMBER WHEN?

(I almost needed someone to help me remember that this is a prize week, but luckily a piston in my brain fired up before I hit "publish." So check back Thursday for the prize announcement!)

Lori 4.0

It's official.

I'm old.

I turn 40 this week. Yup. It's awesome.

While I've spent most of this past year adamantly proclaiming that I DO NOT have a birthday this year, I've realized there's absolutely nothing I can do about it so I may as well have fun with it. So ...

I'm so old that:

I can use "I forgot" as a legitimate excuse.

I can pretend I didn't hear what you said if it's something I don't want to respond to.

I can pass wind in public and blame it on my squeaky orthopedic shoes. 

I don't have to pretend like I'm cool.

I can stare at people with superfluous body art but pretend like I can't really see them because I forgot my bifocals.

I can yell obscenities and blame it on dementia. 

I can go out for dinner at 2 PM, catch a late matinee and be home in my jammies by 6 PM.

I can ask teenage boys to carry the groceries for me.

While I'm joking with most of these, (except for the last one, because I really do ask my teenage boys to carry groceries, but that doesn't mean that they always do.) as always, my sarcasm reveals some truth. In a lot of ways, it is nice to get older. I'm wiser and use my time better. I don't stress over things that don't really matter. I like who I am inside and I wouldn't trade all my learning experiences that have made me who I am. It's the wrinkles and the droopiness that I've had a harder time accepting (and now I feel super vain for admitting as much .... but it's just that I have to look at myself every single day!) I love what my sweet friend and birthday twin, Jenny, said, "I do feel proud that I have earned every wrinkle, sag and extra layer of fat on my body." :) Isn't she awesome? It reminds me of what my mom used to say, "It's better to have laugh lines than worry wrinkles."

I've realized that I do love wrinkles: especially the ones that show up when someone smiles. I love little flecks of gray hair that show wisdom and experience. I love the serenity that comes with aging and knowing who you are and what you are meant to do. I love that you can take care of your body and still have fun no matter your age. 

I also take comfort knowing that the following people are older than me: 

Yes, they really are. I checked their birth certificates. 

How about you? Are you comfortable with your age? What age do you consider to be "old?" (If anyone says 39, I will automatically delete your comment!) 

If you could become immortal; what age would you want to stay at for eternity? I would pick 19, just because you don't have many responsibilities and you can play play play and eat eat eat and it doesn't catch up with you. 

Do you have any "you're so old" jokes?

And have you ever wondered what the people with the superfluous body art will look like when their skin is wrinkly and droopy? (Can you tell I went to Walmart today?)

If that's not enough questions for you: is there an age that you would never want to repeat? I would say 12. I was awkward (remember the volleyball story?) and incredibly insecure and my personality was like clay. 

So talk to me!  But instead of birthday wishes, gifts can be sent directly to my home or via email. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ...  I WAS TOTALLY KIDDING. Don't spend money on a gift for me: save it for flowers for my funeral which will likely be any day now since I have one foot in the grave! So instead of singing "Happy Birthday," you can sing "Happy One Day Closer To Death-Day to You!" Oh wait, I was supposed to be accepting my birthday. Right. I forgot.

A State of Confusion

Happy Birthday America! This is the best week of the summer, especially if you have dogs and a lake full of vacationers who launch fireworks every night. (Bark, bark, bark!) But all snide comments aside, (say that three times fast. Or ten times slow. Your preference.) I LOVE a week to celebrate our independence, because being free is EVERYTHING. We are a blessed people to live in this land!

I might be of the mindset that while all of America is great, Montana is particularly spectacular. But I realize that's because it is my native state and lots of folks think their native state is the best among the 50. Your state might have lots of unique and amazing aspects, but I ask you this: does your state look like this?

OK, enough bragging. Since I love Montana so much, I thought I would tell you all about it. I'm not going to Google any of this info: it's what I have stored in that hollow cavity called my brain.

1.  Montana is the 4th largest state, and has roughly 1 million people. Only Alaska has fewer people per square mile.

2.  We have TWO national parks.

3.  Helena is the capitol, and before that, it was Virginia City, which now has a population of 5.

4.  Our state motto is Oro e platto, which I know I got the spelling wrong, (remember, I'm not using Google!) but I can pronounce it right-ish and it means Ore and silver. Or something else metallic like that.

5.  We became a state in 1854.

6.  We are known for our wheat and for the city of Butte, which was featured on Buzz Lightyear's rear in Toy Story 2.

7.  Famous Montanans include Gary Cooper, Evel Knievel, and Uncle Ted.

8.  Our state bird is the Meadowlark and the state flower is the bitterroot.

Now I will turn on Google and see how many of these facts I got wrong. I mean right. Because I totally know everything about Montana.

1. I got the first part right, but Wikipedia is telling me we are 48th in population density. I forgot that California has fewer people per square mile than us. Oops. 

2. Right!

3. Right, but I was kidding when I said Virginia City has a population of 5. I think it's really 6. 

4. It's Oro y Plato and it means Gold and Silver, and I totally knew that but my fingers refused to type it. Oro y Plato is also this guys scientific name:

5. I am so ashamed! I was way off. It's 1889. HUGE mistake for a Montana History buff to make. I blame it on the long weekend I had at the Rainbow Gathering. My mind was blown.

6. Yes!

7. Yes! But I forgot Charlie Russell, which is pretty lame of me considering he's my alma mater. What is the mascot for a school named after this famous cowboy painter? Why a rustler, of course. And not just any rustler: a MIGHTY rustler. So. Cool.

8. Yes! and Yes! Also forgot to mention that the grizzly bear is the state animal and the state butterfly is the mourning cloak and the state store is Walmart. 

How much do you know about your state? Do you know its rich history? Do you know why butterflies get their own state category? Do you know why we are having this scorching heat wave?

Here's your challenge:

Tell me all the random facts you know about your state, BUT YOU MAY NOT SEARCH GOOGLE FOR MORE INFORMATION, NOR MAY YOU USE IT TO VERIFY WHAT YOU THINK YOU KNOW. (Yet.)

After you have taken this pop quiz, you need to verify your facts on google. You can keep the comments window open and post just one comment with the facts and the verification, or you may post a second comment after you look up your answers.

So let's see how you do: do you know where you live? I mean really know? Really, really know? Then show me!

Thought this was fun; taken from here.