I'm Picturing A Winner

I remembered to 1. Buy a gift and 2. Post a prize winner. This is a good week for me guys! I might not have Alzheimer's after all! This is a win for all of us ... but mostly it's a win for one lucky commenter! And that commenter is ...

Oh wait, I can't tell you who it is yet. I need to practice my "suspensial" writing skills and make you wait

wait ...

wait ...

wait ...

wait ...

And then wait some more ...

And then stop annoying you and at least tell you what week was the winning week.

It was the post prior to this week's post, which is the post where I shamelessly solicited birthday wishes.

(I know this is incredibly riveting.)

And the gift I selected was meant to tie in with my celebration of oldness. (Are you getting tired of me whining about my age? Because I'm getting tired of it. But, I've been told by the government that there is absolutely no legal way for me to alter my birth certificate to reflect a more suitable age. I am pursuing other options that may be hitherto forthcoming at another time.) Anywhichway, since we don't want to forget all the memories created in days gone by, we must take pictures and we must place them on our mantle pieces and in photoalbums to be displayed on our coffee tables. So there's this:

 (a frame)

And this:

 (photo album)

And then there's this:











Oh wait, that's all I got. I spent the rest of my money on hair dye to color my grays.

SO now I can tell you the winner. And, from the second post of July, without any further ado, I will tell you that it's #  ...

# ....

 # ...

(this is just like reality TV, except I'm not going to go to commercial break.)

# 11 .... Devree!!!!

Wahoo Devree! It's been many lightyears since you won! I'm not sure which location you are at ... college or home or the Caribbean, so email me, will ya? 

Back in the Day

Well guys, I survived getting old. I didn't have to go in for a hip replacement, nor did I have to visit a plastic surgeon, so ... 40 is good!

One thing we old people like to do is sit around on the front porch and talk about the good old days. All of our statements begin with the phrase "Remember when ...."  For example:

Remember when ... watermelon had seeds?

Remember when ... people used their cell phones for talking?      

You've heard old people speak in this manner, right? Well, pull up a rocking chair and let's do some reminiscing. I'll go first, because I'm a conversation hog like that.

Remember when ...

         People wore mom jeans, which acted like a girdle, thus eliminating the dreaded "muffin top?"

         Nickle Creek made awesome bluegrass music?

         Wearing Princess Leah dog ears was THE hairstyle all the groovy girls wore?

         Summer blockbuster movies actually made money?

         People worked out because it was fun and good for them instead of working out because they      
         want others to worship their perfectly sculpted bodies?

         Pong was the coolest video game ever?

         Facebook was a teen hangout?

         It rained?

         I could fill up the VW for 25 bucks?

         I could fill up the Suburban for less than $100?

         You could only watch cartoons on Saturday?

          I could write?

         Salads had to be made "from scratch?"

Ah ...

What do you remember about the good old days? What has changed for the worse since you were a kid, or since last week if you can't remember anything about being a kid or have blocked it out due to being abused by your sister who was just a year older than you but never actually bigger than you?

Can you help me REMEMBER WHEN?

(I almost needed someone to help me remember that this is a prize week, but luckily a piston in my brain fired up before I hit "publish." So check back Thursday for the prize announcement!)

Lori 4.0

It's official.

I'm old.

I turn 40 this week. Yup. It's awesome.

While I've spent most of this past year adamantly proclaiming that I DO NOT have a birthday this year, I've realized there's absolutely nothing I can do about it so I may as well have fun with it. So ...

I'm so old that:

I can use "I forgot" as a legitimate excuse.

I can pretend I didn't hear what you said if it's something I don't want to respond to.

I can pass wind in public and blame it on my squeaky orthopedic shoes. 

I don't have to pretend like I'm cool.

I can stare at people with superfluous body art but pretend like I can't really see them because I forgot my bifocals.

I can yell obscenities and blame it on dementia. 

I can go out for dinner at 2 PM, catch a late matinee and be home in my jammies by 6 PM.

I can ask teenage boys to carry the groceries for me.

While I'm joking with most of these, (except for the last one, because I really do ask my teenage boys to carry groceries, but that doesn't mean that they always do.) as always, my sarcasm reveals some truth. In a lot of ways, it is nice to get older. I'm wiser and use my time better. I don't stress over things that don't really matter. I like who I am inside and I wouldn't trade all my learning experiences that have made me who I am. It's the wrinkles and the droopiness that I've had a harder time accepting (and now I feel super vain for admitting as much .... but it's just that I have to look at myself every single day!) I love what my sweet friend and birthday twin, Jenny, said, "I do feel proud that I have earned every wrinkle, sag and extra layer of fat on my body." :) Isn't she awesome? It reminds me of what my mom used to say, "It's better to have laugh lines than worry wrinkles."

I've realized that I do love wrinkles: especially the ones that show up when someone smiles. I love little flecks of gray hair that show wisdom and experience. I love the serenity that comes with aging and knowing who you are and what you are meant to do. I love that you can take care of your body and still have fun no matter your age. 

I also take comfort knowing that the following people are older than me: 

Yes, they really are. I checked their birth certificates. 

How about you? Are you comfortable with your age? What age do you consider to be "old?" (If anyone says 39, I will automatically delete your comment!) 

If you could become immortal; what age would you want to stay at for eternity? I would pick 19, just because you don't have many responsibilities and you can play play play and eat eat eat and it doesn't catch up with you. 

Do you have any "you're so old" jokes?

And have you ever wondered what the people with the superfluous body art will look like when their skin is wrinkly and droopy? (Can you tell I went to Walmart today?)

If that's not enough questions for you: is there an age that you would never want to repeat? I would say 12. I was awkward (remember the volleyball story?) and incredibly insecure and my personality was like clay. 

So talk to me!  But instead of birthday wishes, gifts can be sent directly to my home or via email. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ...  I WAS TOTALLY KIDDING. Don't spend money on a gift for me: save it for flowers for my funeral which will likely be any day now since I have one foot in the grave! So instead of singing "Happy Birthday," you can sing "Happy One Day Closer To Death-Day to You!" Oh wait, I was supposed to be accepting my birthday. Right. I forgot.

A State of Confusion

Happy Birthday America! This is the best week of the summer, especially if you have dogs and a lake full of vacationers who launch fireworks every night. (Bark, bark, bark!) But all snide comments aside, (say that three times fast. Or ten times slow. Your preference.) I LOVE a week to celebrate our independence, because being free is EVERYTHING. We are a blessed people to live in this land!

I might be of the mindset that while all of America is great, Montana is particularly spectacular. But I realize that's because it is my native state and lots of folks think their native state is the best among the 50. Your state might have lots of unique and amazing aspects, but I ask you this: does your state look like this?

OK, enough bragging. Since I love Montana so much, I thought I would tell you all about it. I'm not going to Google any of this info: it's what I have stored in that hollow cavity called my brain.

1.  Montana is the 4th largest state, and has roughly 1 million people. Only Alaska has fewer people per square mile.

2.  We have TWO national parks.

3.  Helena is the capitol, and before that, it was Virginia City, which now has a population of 5.

4.  Our state motto is Oro e platto, which I know I got the spelling wrong, (remember, I'm not using Google!) but I can pronounce it right-ish and it means Ore and silver. Or something else metallic like that.

5.  We became a state in 1854.

6.  We are known for our wheat and for the city of Butte, which was featured on Buzz Lightyear's rear in Toy Story 2.

7.  Famous Montanans include Gary Cooper, Evel Knievel, and Uncle Ted.

8.  Our state bird is the Meadowlark and the state flower is the bitterroot.

Now I will turn on Google and see how many of these facts I got wrong. I mean right. Because I totally know everything about Montana.

1. I got the first part right, but Wikipedia is telling me we are 48th in population density. I forgot that California has fewer people per square mile than us. Oops. 

2. Right!

3. Right, but I was kidding when I said Virginia City has a population of 5. I think it's really 6. 

4. It's Oro y Plato and it means Gold and Silver, and I totally knew that but my fingers refused to type it. Oro y Plato is also this guys scientific name:

5. I am so ashamed! I was way off. It's 1889. HUGE mistake for a Montana History buff to make. I blame it on the long weekend I had at the Rainbow Gathering. My mind was blown.

6. Yes!

7. Yes! But I forgot Charlie Russell, which is pretty lame of me considering he's my alma mater. What is the mascot for a school named after this famous cowboy painter? Why a rustler, of course. And not just any rustler: a MIGHTY rustler. So. Cool.

8. Yes! and Yes! Also forgot to mention that the grizzly bear is the state animal and the state butterfly is the mourning cloak and the state store is Walmart. 

How much do you know about your state? Do you know its rich history? Do you know why butterflies get their own state category? Do you know why we are having this scorching heat wave?

Here's your challenge:

Tell me all the random facts you know about your state, BUT YOU MAY NOT SEARCH GOOGLE FOR MORE INFORMATION, NOR MAY YOU USE IT TO VERIFY WHAT YOU THINK YOU KNOW. (Yet.)

After you have taken this pop quiz, you need to verify your facts on google. You can keep the comments window open and post just one comment with the facts and the verification, or you may post a second comment after you look up your answers.

So let's see how you do: do you know where you live? I mean really know? Really, really know? Then show me!

Thought this was fun; taken from here.

Winning Big

Hi guys. Whatcha doin back here on a Friday? Seems kinda weird. Did you want me to talk to you some more? Ask you more questions? No??? You just want a prize? OK, fine, here  it is:

(But first, do you remember how I told you that this month's prize was going to be BIG since I missed last month's prize? Well, it's not BIG, it's HUGE!)

I'm giving you your very own burger stand! Yes, I'm that awesome!

 Endless burgers and buns! And a cat too: just in case you run out of meat. (That was horrible. Sorry.)
OK, so it's not actually a REAL burger stand, but it is a birdhouse burger stand, so it's still a restaurant, just on a smaller scale. Or do birds only sleep in their birdhouses? I would think they eat there too, because who doesn't eat in bed every once in a while?

Since we are on the miniature theme, I thought you might want something you could eat as well, so there's this:

Pop Jelly Belly's. Why didn't we all just say we wanted every flavor of Jelly Belly on board the INTERGALACTICABALACTICA? It would have been so much more simple!

And then you also need something that smells yummy like food:

Also mini. But it will cover up smells BIG time, like possibly the smell from the above cat.

And this week's winner is: ME! Really! I won guys! I got #4 the first 3 times I clicked on Random.org. And then next I got #7 (also me!). I was so excited that I accidentally clicked again and got #2. So fine, you can have it all #2, which I guess is OK because you haven't got anything new and exciting for a while. Nicole, I hope winning this prize will bring as much happiness to your life as your pretty little lady. Or at least close to it. Congrats Nicole! I'll get it to you.

For the rest of you who are feeling dejected for not winning, maybe this will make you happy: it's a picture of me getting ready to devour an ENORMOUS red-velvet cupcake. Do you see how big my eager eyes are?

My hair is poofy because I hear flat hair is out. Va Voom. OK, I'm done playing with my camera. But I do think I should stop blogging and just do a tumbler of all my household items. Now that would make great internet entertainment!

See you back here on July 2nd!

Space Toast and Jam

So tomorrow is the day we leave Earth.

What? Haven't you heard?

All of the Earth's water has been contaminated! Our trees are dying! Soon, we will be without oxygen! So while the smartest people on Earth gather to find solutions to these urgent, sorta life-or-death problems (they didn't invite me to join their coalition, which is both surprising and offensive), the rest of us will be boarding the intergalactic spaceship the INTERGALACTICABALACTICA, where we will live amongst the stars like Robin Leach until the Earth is re-inhabitable.

Don't worry, all of your family and friends will be boarding with you and you'll get to bring all of your prized possessions along. The INTERGALACTICABALACTICA has a heated pool, a gym complete with rock-climbing walls, maid-service, and best of all--you will never have to cook another meal! In fact, you won't be eating meals anymore: all you have to do is take 3 pills daily and all your nutritional requirements will be met. You won't be hungry and you'll never have to worry about overeating! Won't this be the best?

What? You'll miss eating? Yeah, me too.

Since we have one day left on Earth, let's eat it up! Three meals, plus snacks! No limits! No worries about calories since we'll all be super thin on board the INTERGALACTICABALACTICA. But there are some guidelines to follow:

1. One meal must be eaten at someone's house. Whose food do you like eating the most?
2. One meal must be home cooked, by YOU! What is your favorite meal to make?
3. One meal must be eaten out. What's your favorite resturant?
4. You can include a snack or two, if you wish.

And then finally:
5. You need to take one seed with you so you can help reseed Earth once we are allowed back. What one fruit or veggie would you desperately want to have once we can grow food again? And try not to bring the same seed as someone else since we will want our garden to be diverse.

So, for my last day on Earth, I'm going to eat:
1. Breakfast at my mom's house. Oatmeal with WHOLE milk and sugar, homemade toast with homemade strawberry jam and some OJ. Yum. Yum.
2. Lunch at my house. I will make a Titan protein shake (they've been discontinued! For realz guys! I'm dying!) and eat it with a hand full of almonds. Yes, my homemade meals are THAT good.
3. Dinner at Cafe Rio. Pork Nachos! Need I say more?
4. Snack: More almonds please. And maybe a piece of chocolate cake with cold milk.
5. And the seed I will bring is ... is ... this is super hard! You know how much I love avocados, right? I believe that the avocado was the forbidden fruit that Eve picked off the tree in the Garden of Eat-in. So this might shock you: I'm not going to bring an avocado seed. I'm going to bring a lime seed. Almost every recipe I love needs limes, therefore, I will need limes over avocados. But someone else bring an avocado seed please!

Tell me what you are going to eat on your last day on Earth. (And thanks to TEAM C for suggesting this awesome last meal idea! Food is the best topic. Should we just become a food blog permanently? And then a diet blog after that?)

Also, congrats to Steve and Nicole on the birth of their beautiful little princess!!! Isn't she precious?

Congrats guys, we are so happy for you!

Annnnd, yes! There will be a prize this week. I'll pull a winner from this week's thread, but I'll give you guys all the way until THURSDAY night to post a comment. I'll announce the winner and the prize on FRIDAY. Do you want to be the winner? Yes, you do!

Simply Summer

School is out this week! I'm excited because 1. We get to sleep in 2. We can bathe in the lake. (Kidding. Ish.) 3. We get to play outside everyday, assuming that the rainy season ends like now.
I'm not excited that school will be out this week because of this: 1. "Mom, I'm bored! There's nothing to do!" 2. "Mom, I'm still bored." 3. "Mom, this is so boring."

Do you remember driving your mother insane with proclamations of boredom when you were a kid? I'm sure I did, but I never remember being bored. Childhood summer memories are like looking at life through lemonade scented glasses. (Wait for it.) (You can never accuse me of using the same old boring cliches.) (You got it, right?) Anyway, when I think of summer as a child, I think of:

Playing in sprinklers and on slip-n-slides
Staying in a swim suit from sunup to sundown.
Riding bikes pretty much everywhere.
Making a sidewalk city out of chalk.
Taking classes at Art in the Park 
Playing for hours in my refrigerator box house that was painted at Art in the Park.

What we thought we looked like:

What we really looked like:

As I think back on my youth, I realize how carefree and simplistic it was, yet it was perfect in every way. Because of my memories of unencumbered days (I like that word. It makes me want a cucumber.), I think I equate (I like that word too. It makes me think of visiting the equator.) summer with RELAXATION. Summers shouldn't be about shuttling kids back and forth to sports camps and lessons. Summer days shouldn't have to follow a rigid schedule; we should be able to take time to stop and smell the suncreen! (Wait for it. Oh, never mind. That one was explanatory. Hey, I like that word. It makes me think of planets. ... Wait for it.)

What were your childhood summers like? What are your favorite memories?

But, since kids these days are accustomed to (I like that ... never mind, I'll stop now. But it makes me think of a cuss word. ... You don't get it, do you? That's because it makes me think of the word cuss. My gosh, I think I've been sniffing too much school glue. Thank goodness it's summer.) higher levels of entertainment and endless opportunities, they do have a harder time entertaining themselves. (This means we have given them ADHD.) What are some fun activities you like to do to entertain yourself/your children/your neighbors?

Our very favorite thing is to spend long days on the shore of the lake. One thing I've always meant to do is visit a different lake every week and since we have dozens close by, it should be easy to do. Will you guys hold me to it this summer?

We also like to BBQ and Dutch oven cook. We like to roast marshmallows in the backyard.

We like to hike to waterfalls.

We like to eat fresh cherries.

We like to visit Sweet Peaks Ice Cream. (Avocado Ice Cream! Yes way!)

We like to have company come visit us! (Hint hint!) (But that hint is taken away if you found my blog by searching "naked family picture." You may not come visit. Sorry sicko.)

 Prettiest picture I've ever seen of Lake McDonald. Taken from Wikipedia, sadly no photo credit.

What do you like to do in the summertime (when all the world is green?) Do you have any big adventures planned? If you are staying home, what will you do to entertain the troops during your staycation? What's one thing you can never get enough of during the summer? For me it's sun. I love that big bright yellow thing, especially since it hides from us 270 days of the year. You might have to call me freckles by the end of the summer. :)

Oh and who knows what mistake I made? I didn't give out a prize for May! How could I? So, rather than giving a prize this week and again 2 weeks from now (remember how I am only posting every other week now?) I'll just make the June prize 2wice as awesome! Deal? (You have no choice but to accept. I'm a harsh dictator.) Deal!