Being positive is something I struggle with. It is so easy to notice little nuisances in just about everything, and the more we notice them, the harder it becomes to see the good. This happens with how we view people in the world around us. It happens with work and government and the weather and ... I could go on and on and on. On my good days, I am able to fake positivity in my interactions with others. But what people don't know is that in my head, I hear nothing but negative, negative, negative.
One of my great faults is that I'm a negative thinker. So my inner chatter sounds a lot like this: "I can never do this." "This will never end. Ever. I'm stuck doing ______ for the rest of my life." "What did I say that for? I'm an idiot." "What did I do that for? I am an idiot." "Why am I writing this? I am an idiot." I think you get the drift. (Wow that is so 80's. I'm an OLD idiot.)
In order to overcome negative chatter, one must first recognize that the problem exists. So this is just like AA: I am declaring that I have a problem. I should feel better already! (Kinda feel awkward right now, how 'bout you?) Then the next step is to surround yourself with positivity. (That's why you guys are here!) And then the next, next step is to practice positivity. Allow me to demonstrate:
1. If, by chance, your children don't go out for any sports this winter because they want to ski, so you take the plunge and purchase season ski passes, and then for some strange reason it decides not to snow, instead of complaining about it, you should say, "I am saving so much money by not having to drive to the Mountain every weekend. AND how lucky that we get to spend so much more family time together in our crowded house with absolutely nothing to do. OK, bad example. I will try again. Even though we haven't gone skiing much, we have seen the sun this winter. Priceless!
2. If, also by chance, you haven't had much time to write, instead of kicking yourself for not meeting your goals, you can say "It is so nice to take a break from eating almonds."
3. If you happen to be having a huge acne breakout on your chin, instead of saying, "Ack, I look like such a geek," you can say, "I am so lucky to have acne. People might mistake me for a teenager."
So are you ready to practice? Tell me a few troublesome spots in your life, but instead of saying it with negativity, say it with positive power!
AND ... try this one on for size: if your name happens to be Martha Stewart, and you've just found out that your career is over, how do you put a positive spin on that one? Use your creativity and tell me how you would add sugar to that news. Here's what I would say, "Think of all the money I'll save not having to drive to the studio." Or, "It looks like I'll have some days where I don't have to comb my hair."
Kay, now you try!
7 comments:
I'd say my biggest thing I have trouble with is being patient. (A lesson that someone is constantly trying to teach me!) When I decide I want something, I'll do everything I can to make it happen, but unfortunately I can't control everything so I have to wait after that and it drives me crazy! Like buying a house, for example.
Also, I know I complain to Steve a lot. He probably gets tired of hearing my negativity as well. I should work on that.
And Martha Stewart could work on home improvement activities at her own house. OR! If I were her, I would take a vacation to somewhere warm and sunny. Just got cancelled? Where else to go but somewhere near the equator? Probably don't want too many add ons for the trip though, since she'll have to start budgeting. ;)
I was just mentioning this very item to a friend I sit next to in my Relief Society Meeting.
It IS hard to maintain a positive attitude and I think it begins with being grateful! (At least thats what I tell my children.) Instead of saying "Oh, we are having taco salad today again????" I pleasantly remind them that "You should be grateful you have food". When they complain about my requent for them to go outside and get some necessary Vitamin D...I remind them of the blessing that they have in their life to have young properly working bodies! This tactic does not seem to work very well...but I'm hoping with time that the broken record I am playing over and over will sink in.
Now myself on the other hand...I rarely find times when I am negative...well except when I complain in my head about having to drive to Lethbridge every week...or when I get frustrated that I never have even one moment to myself...not even in the bathroom where I receive frequent visitors or when I can't even shove an oreo in my mouth secretly whitout a little head popping around the partially closed cupboard door asking if they can have one. Those are quite understandable reasons for being negative aren't they?
OK! I will try to work on it!
I agree with Livingstonslifeinmontana. It is definitely hard to be negative when you are feeling grateful. I also like to think that it's really easy to be grateful when you compare yourself with people who are worse off than you are, or think about how things could have ended up even worse.
Like, "I hate it how my husband is never around to help with the kids...he's so busy and he's always gone!" WELL...at least he isn't in Iraq! Or, "I'm sick and tired of my kids not wanting to eat a normal dinner. They never like what I fix!" (This is a big issue in my house, and it really gets me down). I should just say instead, "at least I get to have kids! I remember back when pregnancy wasn't happening; what I wouldn't have given for a few picky eaters." Or, "I hate it when I feel fat and every time I look in the mirror all I see is that homely housewife who doesn't have time to fix her hair." I could change that to, "Hey--awesome! I get to spend another day at home where I'm comfy and cozy and I don't even have to cross the apartment complex outdoors anymore to do laundry, like I had to for the past 5 years in Oregon. I love being a stay-at-home mom!"
Basically, I love the "look for the silver lining" game. I love counting my blessings, and feeling like I have everything I could every ask for. When I really get going, I start feeling like I really have the perfect life.
Two lumps of sugar for me, please!
P.S. I must agree with you on one point...it does take a lot of energy to be positive when you are frustrated or just plain feeling grumpy. I have struggled over the years with the "grouch" gene that I believe I inherited from my dad. And I used to hate it when my mother-in-law would try to convince me that "it takes a lot more energy to be grouchy than it does to be nice." Maybe for her that's true, but I think for most people, being nice (whether it's to others, or to oneself), takes a conscious decision and a lot of effort...so when we do manage to defy our grouch within, we should be commended for it : )! So, way to go, Lori, for making this post, in effort to hush your inner grouch : ). Oh, and I strongly believe friends and hugs help too...so here's a cyber hug from me to you. (As if all of my little colon-parenthesis smiley faces weren't enough, ha ha!) ; )
Is Martha still around? Or I guess maybe now she's not? Well, anyway, she's probably amazed at how long she was able to get paid for doing what she did. She has to feel relief being able to do things out of the sheer motivation of love, not money. That would be cleansing. Do you think she has ever thought that we're all schmucks for letting her get into our heads and giving us inferiority complexes? And giving her so much of our money!?
This is a stumping topic, Lou Lou!
I guess my positive spin of things manifests itself in situations like:
A) (from college) I'll just sign up for the early classes because I know I'll miss a lot anyway and that way the guilt will be done and over with early in the morning instead of lasting throughout the day.
B) (also from college) I'm the very last one in my family to get married (but not the youngest) - that just means that I get to be spoiled more by mom and dad!
C) We have no snow in our mountains and nothing in the forecast. We'll have stringent water restrictions in the coming months. Maybe even years. I will soon have to obey the bathroom rule, "if it's yellow let it mellow if it's brown flush it down." We'll have to share bath water. So right now I'm going to take really long showers while I still can. And flush every single time!
I'm always annoyed by negative people, but then I always realize I'm being negative by being annoyed by them! Anyway,here are a few of my desparate attempts to be positive:
I'm so happy to have so many gray hairs! It really shows how wise I am becoming!
I'm so happy to have jiggly arms and thighs because it means we have plenty to eat each day!
I'm so happy that our house smells like a dog because that means we have an old dog who has been a good friend to our family!
I'm so happy to fill up the car and spend a small fortune because that means I get to ride in comfort everywhere I go!
Sorry this is so long! But as you can see I have a lot to be thankful for!
Janice
I'm so glad my husband can't work....he took the baby this morning and let me sleep in,then he mopped the floors and helped me clean the blinds. Pay checks are way overratted.
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