Have you even noticed that sometimes people are rude?
I think that is why we are taught as small children to chant things like "I am rubber, you are glue ..." and "sticks and stones may break my bones ..." Every writer should recite those sayings daily. If you didn't know this already, the publishing industry is a super-critical one. Even the big-name, big-buck authors have their fair share of criticism. The worst criticism I've had as an up-and-coming author? "The author (that's me) doesn't appear to have an exceptional command of the English language." Um, ouch. But ya know, since English is my second language, they may have a point there. I do think it is good that I received that sharp criticism early on though, as nothing else can be that bad, right?
Other than the "constructive" criticism in the writing realm, I have experienced some cases where people have said something intentionally rude about little ol' me. Like the time a frienemy insisted that I was lying to her when I was talking about working out. "You DO NOT work out!" she said. I guess since I'm not a size 2, that means I've never seen the inside of a gym. Another one: I get a lot of flack about my tardiness and even had a woman say, "Have you ever tried waking up earlier?" Oh my gosh, what a novel idea! I think most intentional rudeness comes from people who esteem themselves as higher than you and therefore, they are qualified to razz you as necessary. I do not like that kind of rudeness, and I hope I have never offended anyone in such a manner.
However, there have been plenty of instances where I have offended people in another manner--the times I have put both feet in my mouth at once (Foot in Mouth Disease). I'm not so good with putting words together into those ... sentence ... thingys and having them mean what my brain is ... thinking. I guess that's why I like to write since I have a chance to process my thoughts before they fly out and smack someone across the cheek. The biggest case of Foot in Mouth I've ever had was when I told a very sweet, amazing gal that I was glad her house was messy because it made me feel better about my house. YES I REALLY SAID THAT. Ugh. Not what I meant--at all. What I meant was that I'm glad I'm not the only one who can't keep a clean house. Wait, that didn't sound any better! I think what I meant was, "What are you talking about? Your house isn't dirty! It looks like you have an entire Merry Maids crew in here every day!" I'm sure I have said many other offensive things (probably to a lot of you guys too), but please know that I'm an idiot and my mouth often operates as a separate entity.
But then there is another category of rudeness: it's the unthinkable comments that come from people who have Unperceptive Eyeball Dysfunction (UED). Like the time someone asked me if a guy ten years younger than me was my son. (I went home screaming "I need Botox right now!") And then a few months ago I got asked if my 7 year old was my sister. Then the lady replied that I did not look old enough to have a daughter that age. Ha ha ha. Complete contradiction of the earlier "I look old enough to have a 25 year-old son" statement. The worst one happened to one of my friends though: she was with me and my daughter and someone asked if my friend was "grandma," meaning she would be my mother. She's only 4 years older than me. And she's Hispanic. Anytime someone says something totally wacked like that, all you have to do is say "UED."
So tell me: have you ever said anything that made you feel like banging your head against a wall--or worse, have you said something so bad that you had to go dig your own hole to bury yourself in? And without naming names, pointing fingers, or using a Voodoo doll to curse someone: what's the most offensive thing someone has ever said to you?
Sorry of the negativity y'all. We can all repent later, OK?
14 comments:
This story isn't offensive or anything but Steve and I had a good laugh about it after because we're sure the guy was kicking himself back to his car- Not very long ago, the ward was having some sort of Elder's Quorum fireside and were passing around flyers. One guy came to our house, Steve answered the door and the guy asked him if his dad was home to talk to. Now, I know we're still a little young, but neither one of us look like we still live with our parents! And it happened to me a few weeks later. We must have just looked like teenagers that month or something.
And as for the most offensive thing- not long ago someone pretty much told me I was bi-polar. That was fun.
I really don't think the selection for this week is negative. We can laugh at ourselves, right? I am one who can put my foot in my mouth. No matter if I intentionally do it(Do I do that???) or if it just is taken the wrong way.
I have really wanted to tell someone they halitosis. Instead I back away, so as not to breathe to deeply.
I cannot think of a certain instance that I have really hurt someone’s feelings; but my husband tells me when I do. You shouldn’t have said that! Life goes on.
The best one I can think of is...
I had just met one of my dear friends and we were talking about our families. She was telling me her sister just had a daughter and named her Ryann (pronounce Ryan, she then went on to say "I think that is that is a horrible girl name, why would you do that to your daughter?"
My reply "Ugh, that's my daughter's middle name."
She then tried to recover by saying it makes a better middle than first name.
She is a great gal, but has continued to suffer from such bouts :D
I have a weakness/talent for NOT hiding my feelings sometimes. I remember the time my older brother in college had had enough of my abrasiveness once, so he let me know that a lot of people considered me rude. To one who can base her entire self-esteem on the opinions of others (I'm getting better at that though), that really hurt.
One of the worst times I was rude to someone was when we were singing in a choir. I think I was a freshman in college. The girl behind me sang a sour note (or so I thought), and I didn't use words, but I turned around and gave her a look of "What on earth was that sound that you just produced? That was awful!" (Can you believe I would do that? I can't.) I had forgotten I had done that, but one day a few months later she brought it to my attention, and I felt so bad. I hope that I'm a lot more mature than that now!
Lastly, I just want to throw it out there even though I mentioned it to you earlier...I think one of the RUDEST things anyone has ever told me was this: "I have decided to sell your home, and I want you to move out a.s.a.p. I am your landlord, hear me roar." (essentially). RUDE!!!
Oh man. I have the worst case of foot in mouth disorder. Seriously. Its bad. Ive gotten better and thankfully people who know me know "that's not what I meant." But for those who don't... I think I unintentionally offend people. I feel terrible for days. Chad just cringes and shakes his head. He is probablly the most cautious talker out there and never says things he shouldn't.
My latest and greatest was when we were hanging out with a couple we'd known for ever. The wife was upset because someone had been telling her her husband was a scumbag and their marriage was horrible compared to hers. I then made the comment, "well who is she to talk about perfect marriages? The only reason she got married was because she got pregnant." Unfortunatly, this was also the case with our friends. Oops. I wasn't trying to judge. I just meant, you shouldn't throw rocks if you live in a glass house. See? Its bad. On the bright side, I've learned to be a great apologizer!
Wow, are we on the same wavelength,or what? My most recent blog post was about stupid-mean things people say: http://brighamoliviasally.blogspot.com/
As for putting both my feet in my mouth, the worst (or maybe I've become desensitized) was something I said when I was a freshman in college. That was almost 20 years ago, but I still blush when I think about it. Blushing now.
I worked in the front office at the Student Health Center. We students were not allowed to sit down--the chairs were for the full-time staff. One skinny kid was always trying to snag a chair,and was usually successful. Joyce, the office manager, teased him about having a magnet in his butt. One day, he was going for her chair, but she beat him to it. I said, "Too bad, Danny. Joyce has a bigger magnet." The unfortunate thing was that her posterior was at least 10 times bigger than his. She really did have a bigger "magnet." Everyone laughed hysterically, and I crumpled to the floor and covered my face. I was so embarrassed--and ashamed of myself--for saying something so rude. I was also laughing so hard I was crying. I made Joyce a card with a picture of myself with both my feet in my mouth as part of my apology.
The height of rudeness...refusing to write a blog post for your dear sister! By the way, a 25 year old guy is 10 years younger than you???
I have a really hard time NOT saying things that are really rude, but definitely not intended to be so. I cringe after most conversations upon mental review of them.
I think many times my words of encouragement to people that they can do hard things come across as being haughty. But I really do believe that if I, little paulashawn, can do something, ANYONE else can, too! I fear that the way I speak it makes that sentiment come out as being boastful. Hmmmmm, I've got to work on that!
Rude things said to me - I know it's happened before. Maybe I'm too dense (or egomaniacky) to recognize intentional rudeness. I do remember your boyfriend telling me that if you and I combined ourselves we would make the perfect girl. Was he trying to be nice or really mean? Oh, and then there was the blind date who told me, "You don't look like you're from Montana, and that's a compliment!" Offensive!
The longer I live, the more I realize that the ability to remain silent is a really enviable gift that I should seek after!
First of all, I have NEVER heard Lori stick her foot in her mouth. She is always saying nice things to people. Then there is me, soooo many bad incidences. One of the worst was when talking with a friend and commenting on how I knew she was pregnant because she was getting fat again. Okay, so I didn't really say just that but it was pretty close and really bad. I was trying to compliment her on her previous success at loosing weight but it didn't work out so well.
Most offensive thing said to me: "I didn't know if I could date you again because I couldn't stand the sound of your voice" or maybe it was the comment to my mother about me: "your daughter is beautiful until you hear her speak or see her walk".
I should probably stop talking for more than one reason!
I have my grandfather's temper so if I'm ticked off and something comes to mind, it's going to come out of my mouth. Maybe not in front of their face but as some point. I've really worked on biting my tongue so I don't snap at my brothers.
At school today the teacher said she was going to be gone and who was going to be our substitute. A girl(cough the school's president cough) yelled "I hate her she's such a b-!" I got ticked off because this woman is a member of our ward and a kindred spirit. I yelled "Why? Because she knows how to deal with people like you?" And a different girl said "Well Devree's mad again" because I made a big stink when they were saying bad things about Mormons. answers both parts there.
I have done the foot-in-mouth things; During our free period some friends and I were talking about raspberries. One person said they didn't like them and another did. Then I said "I loke to blow raspberries." You know, like sticking your tongue out and making farty noises? Well being highschoolers they TOTALLY took it out of contex and made it dirty. They still tease me about that....I was joking with this guy that wouldn't do his work in class. I don't remember what I said but it was something along the lines of "Why can't you be smart like the person behind you? j/k" and I made it sound like both were dumb but that's not what I meant.
Someone told me that when I was in St. Judes some awful girl said "Devree deserved to get cancer." That was probably the worst one because while I was there I said "I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemies' and she was one of the people I had thought of (I know, I shouldn't think of anyone that way and that's a terrible thing to think but I was younger). Although it only happened alleedly so...maybe I'm the one at fault.... Wow Lori! Making me do some soul searching! J/k. :P
Nicole: I'd enjoy that teenage mistake any day! And the bi-polar comment? I would have totally played it up and yelled obscenities one minute and then acted spaced-out and unfazed the next minute. (That comment right there was not meant to make fun of any mental-illness. See how easy it is for me to get my foot in my mouth?)
Ables:That's when you offer a stick of gum. But then if the person is sensitive, they say, "Is my breath bad?" so you can never win. You could try wearing a close-pin on your nose.
Josh and Kate: That lady should know by now you can never make fun of someone's name! It's almost as bad as asking someone if they are pregnant. I like the name Ryann, BTW.
JazznJenna: I will never sit by you in church. Ever. :) And I forgot to ask you: do you need me to pretend to be your attorney and talk to your landlord? I'm sure I could really help you out of your pickle! (I'm not a lawyer, but I play one on TV.)
Rowley's: that one cracked me up! I would have done the same thing. But if people didn't have skeletons in their closet, there would be nothing to worry about! :) (I wonder how many people I just offended with that one?)
Sally: you need to put a book together of things NOT to say to people struggling with adoption. Sad that we can all be so insensitive. And the big magnet? Ha ha ha. That poor lady probably went straight to get some lipo! :)
PaulaShawn: That instance was 3 1/2 years ago, OK? Thank you for making me clarify that I am not in my mid- 30's. (I never get away with anything when you are around.) And thank you for bringing up the "perfect combination" comment. I was going to mention that one! Ha ha. He was SO slick. I think it was meant to compliment you and diss me since I'd just dumped him, but it didn't quite go over as planned. The same guy also told me that he thought it was funny that his dad said my nose was as big as a house. Um , ouch! And what about the lady who asked if you were a mute? He he he. It seems you've mastered the ability to remain silent.
bigskyboys: I'm sure you have heard me stick my foot in my mouth--you are just suffering from sleep deprivation so you don't have a perfect memory. (See, I just did it!) I personally love your voice: it makes you you! Your mom should have smacked that lady upside the head and you should have tossed your drink in your date's face! I hope you at least told him that it was fine by you bc you couldn't stand to look at him for another second!
Devree: we were almost commenting twins! I LOVE a girl who can speak her mind and stand up for what they believe in. That comment the girl said about you deserving to get cancer has to be the WORST, the RUDEST, the most HATEFUL thing I have ever heard! Holy cow. Do you want me to come rough her up? (You may have forgiven, but I'm not so saintly!)
Hi, I'm JazznJenna's mom. She said I should be reading this, so I decided to give it a try!
The worst thing I remember saying was when I was a store clerk and asked a lady if the baby she was carrying was her grandbaby. (wrong)She was very sweet though and said she gets that all the time.
The worst thing ever said to me was on a double date. I was asked to fill in for someone with a guy I barely knew at the LDS Institute. He said at the end of the evening, "I always thought you were annoying but you really aren't that bad." (Was that supposed to make me feel good about myself? Don't even THINK about asking me out again!)
Nicole Jessop sent me over to this blog - I just barely did a blog post about comments that are unintentionally rude. :)
http://berkleyhughes.blogspot.com/2012/05/hair-comments.html
I work at the Church Office Building and a senior sister missionary seems to have a hard time giving me a compliment. I'm naturally blonde and dyed my hair red last month. When she saw the new color, she gushed and said how much she loved it... then said I looked so much better because I looked washed out before (awkward). I dyed my hair again last night, but a darker color - almost black. This morning when she saw me, she asked: "What color were you trying to do??".... How do you respond to that? ha ha
-Berkley
Malanie: nice to meet you! You have a wonderful daughter! Did that guy ever get married? I can't imagine how often he would be in the doghouse with a mouth like that! :)
Berkley: You need to get a pink Lady Gaga wig and show up in that tomorrow. I double-dog dare you! I got a comment once that my new darker (unnatural) hair color matched my eyebrows perfectly. Um, thanks, I think.
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